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Cartoon of the Week(Saturday, July 28th):
 June 10, 2007 The Downward Spiral for Unspirally Bulbs In what was unquestionablizatively France�s boldest move ever, most of Europe agreed to switch from normal, morally acceptable round lightbulbs (just like Thomas Edison prescribed), to irregular, immoral, funny-looking, almost freakish, spirally monstrosities called compact fluorescents (CFLs) by year 2010. Countries like the United Kingdom (also known as England), Spain, and even Poland (!) will now be fining citizens for possession of the gas-guzzling bulbs. It will be Illegal to have them in cars, an offence which will be known as �Driving Under the Incandescent� (or simply DUI). Surprisingly, especially strict measures will be appropriated in Germany and Austria, where a special light-bulb Police or �Polizei� will promptly be assembled. It will be known as the �Lightbulb Police� or �Gl�hlampepolizei�, adding the already �ber-long list of �ber-long German �ber-words, including the Portmanteaux �Abschnittsbevollm�chtigte�, �Polizeihauptmeister�, �Geschwendigkeits�berschreitung� (which means speed limit!). But without further digressions, these special units will be inconspicuously sent into the streets on the lookout for jaywalkers, bank robbers, rapists, and murderers � those of them using incandescent light bulbs, of course. There is even a slight possibility that pedestrians caught with a light bulb rated at over 100 Watts will be shot at first sight. When asked, representative of Switzerland remained neutral on the matter. 
special forces apprehending a violator (an artist's conception) Former US Vice President Al Gore, a prominent supporter of such policies said he is �glad Europe finally takes such a gigantic step forward in the quest for rehabilitating the planet, and can only hope that the US can keep up� Gore was interviewed while wearing a recycled shirt and sipping strictly recycled water, on a bicycle ride inside his strictly private commercial-size jumbo jet (flying from New York to California for his morning exercise). Gore is also the mastermind behind the up-coming non-profit Live Earth concerts in which hundreds of singers will perform on huge stages illuminated by millions of Compact Fluorescents, in an attempt to splurge the most electrical power in the least amount of time, to perform the so called displacement of carbon footprints with carbon Bigfoot-prints, to raise awareness about power consumption. Most Americans Agree that the U.S will follow in Europe�s bicycle tracks, right after they switch entirely to the metric system. Notwithstanding, stuff is already being done in the Ol� red-white-n�blu. For instance, illegal immigrants spotted with old light bulbs get deported back to Mexico (Regardless of place of origin) with a CFL to share with their homeland and spread the word. There have been concerns that making incandescents illegal will open up a black market and increase organized crime levels. But, quote: �That�s just a load of bogus� - end quote. However, the most neutral, unbiased, objective view on the matter is simply, (again) quote: �Yes, is sure as heck will.� - (again) end quote. Either way, pretty soon we�ll all be used to waiting two seconds after pressing the light switch for the light to go on, then another six minutes for the bulb to heat up to it�s maximum luminescent output. Yes; welcome to hell. Mad Copy Props 2005 etkiNews. All rights grabbed. This stuff may not be published broadcast, rewritten, redistributed, redealt, rethrown, reprocessed, reiterated, and/or repeated in any way possible.  People have been brought to this page by their sick curiosity.
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Proctologist from your nightmares