INSULTS - 1
I
never forget a face
But in your case I'll make an exception
Don't
look out of the window
People will think that it's Halloween
You've
a face like a million dollars
All green and wrinkled
I've
kept my youthful complexion
Yes, so I see, all spotty
Haven't
I seen you on TV
Well yes I do appear off and on, how do you like me ?
Off
Do
you think that I'll lose my looks when I get older
With luck, yes
My
husband always carries my photo in his pocket. It once saved his live when a
mugger tried to stab him.
Of course, your face would stop anything
I've
just come back from the beauty parlor
What a pity it was closed
Any similarity
between you and a human is purely coincidental!
Anyone
who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.
Are
your parents siblings?
As an
outsider, what do you think of the human race?
Better
at sex than anyone; now all he needs is a partner.
Calling
you stupid would be an insult to stupid people.
Did
your parents ever ask you to run away from home?
Do
you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?
Do
you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?
Don't
you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?
Do you
still love nature, despite what it did to you?
Don't
you need a license to be that ugly?
Every
girl has the right to be ugly, but you abused the privilege!
Go
ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
Have
you considered suing your brains for non-support?
He
has a mind like a steel trap - always closed!
He is
living proof that man can live without a brain!
He is
the kind of a man that you would use as a blueprint to build an idiot.
He's not
stupid; he's possessed by a retarded ghost.
Here's
20 cents. Call all your friends and bring back some change!
Hi!
I'm a human being! What are you?
How
did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?
I'd
like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that
far up my ass.
I bet
your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I bet
your mother has a loud bark!
I
could make a monkey out of you, but why should I take all the credit?
I
don't consider you a vulture. I consider you something a vulture would eat.
I
don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
I
don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of
others?
I
hear the only place you're ever invited is outside.
I
hear you were born on a farm. Any more in the litter?
I
heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you!
I
heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.
I
know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
I
thought of you all day today. I was at the zoo.
I
would ask you how old you are but I know you can't count that high.
I'd
like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I'd
like to leave you with one thought...but I'm not sure you have anywhere to put
it!
I'd
love to go out with you, but my favorite commercial is on TV.
I'll
never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
I'm
busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
I've
seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
If I
ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that
had never been used.
If
ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive.
If we
were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be
genocide!
If
what you don't know can't hurt you, she's invulnerable.
If
you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
If
your brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill an M&M.
Keep
talking, someday you'll say something intelligent.
Learn
from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!
Pardon
me, but you've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
So, a
thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.
Some
day you will find yourself - and wish you hadn't.
There is no vaccine against stupidity.