Discipline, Punishment or Abuse?
beauty and thorns

In any relationship where discipline is an issue, be it D/s, parent/child, or whatever, there is a line that must be closely observed and not crossed the line between discipline and abuse.

As a mother/subbie/registered nurse i have been in various situations where that line has been crossed. While it has always been pretty clear to me at the time, i cannot say that if situations were reversed i would be able to see so clearly that point at which the line had been crossed.

In D/s, as with parenthood, there is a difference between discipline and punishment. In order for me to make the point i'm trying to make, and i promise there is a point, i suppose this needs to be made apparent. Discipline is intended to teach.It is not meant to be painful, but to leave a lasting impression and teach or guide you.Punishment is meant to teach also, but is to teach you not to do something or repeat something that you have done already.

Discipline comes in many forms.  It may be repetition, elimination, omission or simple meditation.   It can be verbal. Whatever its form, disciplinary measures are generally less physical and less harsh than punishments. It is more a guidance tool such as writing a letter about something you've done and what you've learned from it. Or it may be writing in a journal everyday. It could be kneeling for a period of time, at the same time daily until it becomes a ritual or habit. It's more of a guidance tool.

Punishment is a corrective tool. It can be uncomfortable, disconcerting, or down-right painful. It could be, oh... say kneeling on piles of uncooked rice for 10 minutes with your arms outstretched, palms up for something like, say, skipping a class. It can be receiving a spanking. It can be something intended to humiliate, like being reprimanded in front of O/others. It can be something as simple as being ignored by one's Dom for a period of time. (Simple as that sounds,for a subbie, that's agonizing.)

So when does it cross a line into abuse? i think that would depend on a few things. To begin with, punishment should never be given until the subbie knows what she is being punished for. This doesn't mean simply telling her this is unacceptable, but her Dom/Master should make sure she understands why this was unacceptable. If she doesn't understand why she's being punished, it's abusive. As do all other things in the lifestyle, the credo must be observed also with punishment. Safe, sane and consentual still has to apply.

Pain tolerance must also be taken into consideration. Without a doubt, people have variable levels of pain tolerance and therefore what is a mere spanking for one subbie could be deemed torturous to another.

Any action taken by the Dom/Master when He is not in full control of His mental capacity is questionable in this subbie's opinion. Whether it is an influence of alcohol, drugs, anger, sleep deprivation or other potentially mind altering state, punishment or even scening should not be undertaken under these circumstances. Of course, any Dom worth his weight in dust bunnies would never consider administering a punishment under those circumstances anyway.

A Dom/Master must also take into consideration the state of His subbie's mind both during the offensive action and during the time of the punishment. Many things can contribute to less than exemplary actions by a subbie, and many things can affect a subbie's mind during a punishment. Most submissives will feel nearly devastated to have disappointed her Sir/Dom/Master to begin with, but to degrade or dehumanize her during this time as well could be psychologically damaging. No one ever said the upkeep and maintenance of a subbie was easy.

Furthermore, any action performed with the intent of causing physical harm, or pain beyond the endurance of a subbie can be considered abusive. This is not to say testing the limits of a self proclaimed masochist, that is another subject entirely. i'm speaking of tying to the point of constriction of blood flow, cutting, branding, whipping, or any activity that is intended to leave lasting marks and/or scars for the purpose of punishment.  This would also include tying or suspending a subbie and leaving her unattended for any length of time or any other activity where her safety is questionable. Including a Dom who ignores a safeword during punishment if it is agreed to prior to the offense.

As i said, there is sometimes a fine line and often the determining factor's are the parties involved and their frame of mind at the time.
There are multiple forms of punishment, and what is punishment to some is pleasure to another in this lifestyle so like much of this lifestyle it is highly subjective.

However, there is no doubt in this submissive's mind that at the time of abuse occurring, there is no doubt in either the Dom's or the sub's minds that it is abuse.

What happens from that point on, is up to them. i do, however, urge every Dom and every submissive not to cross that line as it tends to become easier and easier to cross with each consecutive occurrence. And sadly, as a nurse, i have seen the results of getting carried away during scening and punishment, and it was not pretty, nor will it ever be pretty for those concerned ever again. May they rest in peace.