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Christmas was good overall. The ungratefulness in my family is disgusting though. My brother is such an ass..he and my sister got a leather coat from my parents but, as most kids do, they found out before what they were getting. My brother said if it wasn't at least 300 dollars, he didn't want it. And then he was complaining about the gifts he received claiming he didn't get anything "fun" and just being a prick about everything in general. But that's Evan. Brad was no different. He had to make comments about the things my mother and father gave Evan, like they looked cheap, or even stuff that his mother gave his brothers. He's just got this nasty attitude about material things. They're just absolutely not worth anything unless you shelled out a lot of money for whatever which sickens me.

I was going to be nice and get something for him for Christmas but I surely isn't now.

I might be moving out a lot sooner than I thought as well. I can sit around the house with his nasty ass for months until he gets a car and another job.

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Well, it finally happened. My car has officially died and I still owe, like, 500 bucks on it. With the month I've had so far, this doesn't even phase me. Of course this would happen. Now. Of all times.

Return of the King review

I went and saw Return of the King Wednesday and I went by myself. I never go to the movies by myself, even if it's something I really want to see, if I don't have a partner, oh well, I'll just have to wait until it comes out on DVD. So the fact that I went to see it myself really says something about my obsession for all things Tolkien right now. So anyway, on with the review...

Wow! I expected it to be good but not this good! It had you on the edge of your seat literally the whole movie, there was never a dull moment which left the end of the movie kind of wanting in my opinion. They explained what happened to Frodo, Gandalf, Aragorn, Arwen, etc. but they totally left out what happened to Saruman (Treebeard releasing him from Orthanc which resulted in the scouring of the Shire), Legolas and Gimli (after Aragorn dies, they sail together into the West to Valinor), or Eowyn and Faramir (while recuperating from their injuries, they meet and fall in love and eventually marry), just to name a few.

I'm actually kind of glad I've read the books and some of the Silmarillion otherwise there would have been a lot of confusion for me regarding some of the things that were said and done (in particular Gandalf "sleeping" with his eyes open), had I not read them.

You could really tell a lot of people had been waiting to see the scene with Shelob, too. A lot of people in front of me were sitting on the edge of their seats during this scene. There were a couple of scenes where everyone started clapping (never seen that in a theatre before). The slaying of the Witch-king being one (that scene was a little short, imo) and Legolas scaling the Ohliphaunt and single handedly bringing it down was another.

The special effects were on point and it actually felt as though you were right there in the middle of battle.

And Legolas in his pretty shiny crown at the end...*sigh*

I really hope this movie wins Best Picture at the Academy awards this year.

Remembering

A piece of my past caught up with me a couple days ago.

It's probably a good thing I sat down and talked with him. But how do you apologize for ruining someone's life? You can't really.

He sent me a message through MySpace.com but didn't tell me who he was right away. It's so funny he mentioned certain things from our adolescence because that's how I remember our relationship, not the one we had later on in life. Whenever I would think about him, I would remember us hanging out at his house, or riding in Donnie's car, or swimming in his pool, or him and Jenny Forshey.

I went to visit my grandmother with my mom yesterday. It was weird, she was awake and cognizant, when we asked her questions she answered them but she looked at us like she had no idea who we were and that upset me a lot. Overall though, she looked so much better. There is so much more color in her face now than there was before.

Hi, my name is Shannon and I'm an empath

Definition: [adj] showing empathy or ready comprehension of others' states; "a sensitive and empathetic school counselor"

For me, with those I'm most close to, I've always been able to feel what they were feeling and get a general imprint of what they may be thinking (as long as I can look them in the eye). Unfortunately, this isn't some party trick that can be performed at will. It's usually pretty random and most of the time I get the bad stuff more than the good.

I've been trying to figure out why, just out of the blue, I've been having anxiety attacks again. Perhaps it is because there is a lot of stress and pressure going on with me right now, that I won't deny. But having dealt with panic/anxiety attacks most my life, I know how to head them off before it gets to a full blown attack. Here recently, I'll be sitting and watching t.v., totally complacent, when bam -- I can't breathe, I feel my heart start racing, and I get real antsy. If you've ever experienced one, you know it's probably one of the worst feelings in the world, like you're not in control of anything that's happening to you.

I haven't had one in years. Brad, however, has. And these attacks always come on when he's in the house stressing and usually having an attack right with me. Weird. More strange is the fact that while he was at work yesterday, I was completely fine. I had no problem getting to sleep, no anxiety attack but once he got home, they started up again.

:(

My grandmother is back in the hospital. She's going into surgery Tuesday for a quadruple bypass. *sigh* I'm trying to stay positive but I realize that these are probably the last years of her life. She has diabetes so healing is going to take a lot longer than normal. My mom and my grandpa are going to be at the hospital all day tomorrow until she gets out of surgery.

I went and visited her in the hospital tonight with my brother. She was in a good mood (probably the pain medication they were pumping into her). She didn't seem scared at all.

Seeing her in a hospital bed like that, I feel, should make me sad or mad or something but....I don't feel anything. Just numb. When I thought about all the what ifs I started having an anxiety attack. It's probably not the best thing to bury all your feelings, eventually they will have to come out.

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I look outside at all the sleet and freezing rain falling and wonder if today is going to be the day that I die while trying to drive home this morning...lol.. But the trees look so pretty with all the ice stalactites hanging off them.

There's this slick spot on the off ramp to the interstate that almost always spins my car out of control that I forget about every morning. *sigh*

If I would have known this was what the weather was going to be like before I left, I would not have come at all.

It's been extremely busy the past couple of nights and now the boss is making us do all this extra shit at night that's really unnecessary. I've been sending out my resume but haven't gotten any response yet from anyone.

Brad, after not showing up for work today, decided he was going to keep the job for a while and called them this morning with some bullshit excuse why he didn't come in and apparently still has a job which is good.

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Brad's decided that this new place he's working is not working out for him so he plans on quitting on Friday. *sigh* He's been having anxiety attacks and actually fainted on the job the day before yesterday so I'm not as mad as I could be about this.

Virginia all the way up to D.C. experienced an earthquake Tuesday. It was weird. It only lasted a couple seconds but it was enough to rattle the glass in my window panes. I thought the house was sinking into the ground or something so I ran outside..lol.. Brilliant.

I also must have forgot to latch my hood to my car because tonight on the interstate the hood flew up against the windshield and cracked the glass real bad. Now the hood of the car is all dented in. Luckily, I was right at an off ramp and just pulled off the side of the road real quick. Scared the shit out of me though.

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Aw, hell. I can tell I'm getting sick again. I always go out with wet hair. I just hope I'm not sick on my birthday.

So Brad's been laid off. I guess there really is no work because the two other guys eh was working with are out of work right now as well.

So I'm screwed as far as Christmas goes. He's looking around for another job but he's not being very astute about it. I just want to pull my hair out sometimes! This is just the wrong time of the year for this shit to be happening.

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It is so cold outside! When my feet are cold, they turn purple and my feet are so cold right now! My sister's do that, too. I guess poor circulation must run in the family. *shrugs*

Have a meeting with the boss and my co-worker today (i.e. bitch-out session). That should be interesting but I'm going to be really pissed if this in fact has nothing to do with me and I just sit there for two hours like I did the last time.

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Different day, same old bullshit. After my whole spiel to Brad about not wanting his good-for-nothing cousin over at my house anymore, he allows him to come over and spend the night after I left for work because he and his wife had an argument.

I told him when he called me that morning asking for cigarettes that I wanted him out by the time I got home. So as I'm pulling up, out of the house they come with Brad trying to pull a guilt trip saying, "Well, I'm going to take Johnny home because you don't want anyone in the house." I didn't say anything and then he says, "Sorry, Johnny." And I said, "Yep, see ya Johnny," and went into the house. I have no respect for that man whatsoever. Any man who cheats on his pregnant wife, is just scum to me.