Monkey flu continues to ravange South America

The wild-tit-mouse hooked tail monkey, amond the first to contract the disease.

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(JOFUS) -- While the bird flu, the deadly H5N1 virus, continues its course through Asia and Eastern Europe, a pandemic monkey flu, the l33t virus, has devasted most of South America.

As the world focuses its attention on the avian flu that orginated in China, the World Health Organization (WHO) is struggling to bring attention to the epidemic sweeping through Argentina, Paraguay, and Brazil.

Human monkey flu cases have been reported in southern Brazil, around 85 of them, but countless more are expected in villages without proper health care and water supplies.

WHO would like to send $300 million in aid to the area as well as highly trained epidemiologists. However WHO sent them to Turkey where the country itself is suspected to catch the avian virus and die. Instead a team of untrained and unqualified Mexicans was dispatched to the area on Friday.

Unaccustomed to crossing borders while going south, the Mexican team was unable to find employment beyond Nicaragua and had to pawn off their 1969 Ford Bronco.

A Storied History

The monkey flu is not new to the Amazon jungles of South America, however this lastest outbreak has begun killing primates at an alarming rate. The previous version of the virus l32t was only fatal for 2% of the primate population, however the l33t mutuation is expected to kill 15% and 1 in 20 humans.

Officials believed the first cases spread quickly between the more migratory "code monkeys" mutating along the way and spreading through intestinal worms and contact with the feces bombs.

The first cases where not noticed instantly as the monkey caracasses were completely covered in their own filth. It was not until the annual do-do feces throwing competitions hosted in Paraquay that the outbreak became apparent. All 400 spectators at the event still smell of feces and are expected to contract the disease in days.

Symptoms among the human population include a depressed feeling of being "pwn3d" and depression. Patients claim that life "sux0r" and have an extreme distaste for n00bs.