Ex-President Swears No Sexual Relations Once Again

Clinton swears he was a she

An old file photo of former President Bill Clinton.

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(CHRISTOFFUS) -- Chappaqua , N.Y. (BS) – Ex-President Bill Clinton to remark on sexual relations with a transvestite. He will have a tough time denying the charges.

Ex-President Clinton announced to the press today that he had nothing to do with a sexual relationship between two men. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman…man, but he really had me fooled for a while,” announced Mr. Clinton. The fifty-nine year old held a press conference concerning all the rumors about his wife/husband Hilary Clinton. “I thought he was a woman, he could sure give head though *chuckles* god damn.”

Hilary announced to the world his concerns about letting current President Bush continue his crusade in the Middle East . “We are not for letting that monkey go off collecting countries as a hobby,” Hilary pronounced, “There is no point to collect the Middle East unless it is to build giant sandcastles with.”

The President responded to these harsh verbal attacks early this afternoon. “Oh yeah, well at least I'm not a man…married to a man.” The New York senator fell silent and as of yet has failed to respond to these comments. The White House has been burning files through the night, possibly trying to hide the facts from the public.

As for the President Bush's hobby he has completed 64 sand castles to date, including Baghdad . “I really enjoy working in the sand. It helps my motor functions,” Commented the President on his recent trip to Iraq.

Mr. Clinton has made no motion to file for a divorce and it looks like he is not moving toward that direction. Our latest reports include flowers being sent to Hilary's office and candles being lit in the master bedroom. Though this may be another notch on Billy's f*** shit with another woman, optimists argue that this is what the Clintons have been looking for to liven up their relationship.

“They're going to fall back in love, you can see it in Bill's eyes,” reported Janice Hanjobb, “Once he stopped shaking his fist while constantly repeating that he had no relations with him, you just knew.”