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Union of Massachusetts gay couple blessed by the devil
A photo of the child born to Carson and Devin Sausage. They have named him Lucifer after his Ungod Father Satan.
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YOUR E-MAIL ALERTS(JOFUS) -- The unholy union was blessed with a child after a visit by the Dark Lord Satan seven days after their marriage under Massachusetts state law. A subject of much debate in recent months has become more serious following the passing of a law allowing gay marriage in America's 3rd most backward state, Massachusetts (NJ 1, WV 2). Once a superficial "what if", the idea of gay marriage has become reality. With it comes the end of the world according to the Bush administration. An investigation into the claim of the anti-christ's birth by federal investigators has revealed that Lucifer is doing well and expects to "rise the demons of hell" sometime after he turns 20. Officials have begun blaming the Mass. state government for the recent lapse of judgment. FBI investigators published a report months ago relating the dangers of allowing gay marriage. The 666 page report details dangers such as "even more civil rights requested, affirmative action for gay people, anti-homophobe training for government employees, and even more sitcoms about gay people." Although it was only mentioned once, the report does document the possibly of a demonic power blossoming from such a union and precipitating a holy war that could last thousands of years and destroy American society. To prepare his official platform on gay marriage, President Bush has commissioned a federal committee to investigate. The committee seems eerily similar to Bush's commission on global warming. Analysts are optimistic that any Armageddon that results will be stifled by rising gas prices and Lucifer's flamboyant upbringing.
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