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| Phases Larry: Man! Oz, I would love to get me some of that Buffy and Willow action, if you know what I mean. Oz: That's great, Larry. You've really mastered the single entendre. Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1- 800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho. Xander: I do not babble. I occasionally run-on, every now and then I yammer... Giles: Yes, I must admit I, I am intrigued. Werewolves, it's... it's one of the classics. I, I'm sure my books and I are in for a fascinating afternoon. Buffy: He needs to get a pet. Buffy: Certainly gonna put a strain on Willow and Oz's relationship. Xander: What relationship? I mean, what life could they possibly have together? We're talking obedience school,paper training, oz is always in back burying their things, and that kind of breed can turn on its owner. Oz: I spoke to Giles. He said I'll be okay. I just have to lock myself up around the full moon. Only he used more words than that. And a globe. Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice and you're funny. And you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either. Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating. Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia. Xander: Blackmail is such an ugly word. Amy: I didn't say blackmail. Xander: Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up. Amy: Who made you Queen of the World? Well, you're old enough to be. Jenny: Well, what can I say? I guess Xander's just too much man for the pimple squad. Drusilla: Your face is a poem.I can read it. Xander: (terrified) Really? It doesn't say 'spare me' by any chance? Drusilla: Shhh. (kisses him) How do you feel about eternal life? Xander: We couldn't just start with a coffee? A movie, maybe? Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here. Oz: But you're not a rat. So call it an upside. Passion Cordelia: Oh, God! I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into my car whenever he wants. Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas. Xander:The nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah approach to battle? Giles: Yes, Xander, once more you've managed to boil a complex thought down to its simplest possible form. Xander: Hey, how come Buffy doesn't get a snotty 'once again you boil it down to the simplest form' thing? Xander: Watcher's pet. Jenny: I know you feel betrayed. Giles: Yes. Well, that's one of the unpleasant side effects of betrayal. Angelus: Well, maybe next time I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space. Xander: Well, good morning, ladies. And what did you two do last night? Willow: We had kind of a 'pajama party sleepover with weapons' thing. Giles: Right. I guess I should do my apartment tonight. The ritual go all right? Willow: Oh, yeah. It went fine. Well, it went fine until Angel showed up and told Buffy's mom that he and Buffy had... Well, you know, that they had... you know. You do know, right? Giles: Oh, yes. Yes. Sorry. Willow: (relieved) Oh, good, 'cause I just realized that being a librarian and all, you maybe didn't know. Giles: Oh, thank you. I got it. Spike: Are you insane?! We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in the friends' beds. Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer! Angelus: Don't worry, roller boy. I've got everything under control. Spike: Uh-uh. No fair going into the ring unless he tags you first. Killed by Death Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact? Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass. Cordelia: This is what happens when you're compassionate towards sick people. They take advantage of you. Xander: Uh-huh. Buffy almost died just to put you out. Cordelia: I didn't wanna be the first one to say it. Willow: Oh, yeah, I'm good at medical stuff since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time. Xander: No, she's being literal.She used to have all these medical volumes, uh, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong. Willow: Wrong? Why? (to Buffy) How did *you* play doctor? Cordelia: Eww, what does this do? Giles: What? Cordelia: What does this do? Giles: Uh, it, uh, extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells. Cordelia: Wow! What does this one do? Giles: Um, i-it elongates its mouth to, uh, engulf its victim's head with its incisors. Cordelia: Ouch. Wait, what does this one do? Giles: (frustrated) It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done. Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything! Xander: You don't know how to kill this thing. Buffy: I thought I might try violence. Xander: Solid call. |
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