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"Earth-0" officially declared
The Realtor's Earth Zero Statement: "After Reality ended on Sept.11, there was quite a bit of uncertainty regarding what we should call this new Earth. After all, it definitely wasn't Earth-Reality anymore! Well, upon serious consideration I've come up with 'Earth-0.' Bye."
NOV.25-The United States Federal Government, in conjunction with the United Nations, has officially named the current timeline we are in "Earth-0". "It took several days of considering, but after all we've been through, we realize there's nothing left. Hence, the name Earth-0", stated Robert Mugabe, Prime Minister of Zimbabwe . The name Earth-0 replaces Earth Reality, which has now officially ended September 11th, with the horrific terrorist attacks in New York, Washington D.C. and Pennsylvania. "That storyline came to an abrupt end," stated one State Department official, "but it's important for the people to know we've moved on ... and we are currently investigating who is writing this new storyline." UN leaders bear a heavy burden.
When questioned about the negative connotation a name like "Earth-0" might bring, U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan shot back, "You don't know what it's like, to watch reality ripped apart ... to see realities destroyed by four jumbo jets. You don't know the burden we world leaders carry. You don't know what it's like." Rumors have been circulating that September 11th was preventable, although the means for prevention may seem shocking to the major networks.
The Latvian president did not kneel before Zod. "The Time Displacement Authority was warning us, but we didn't listen," stated Latvian President Vaira Vike-Freiberga. "Unfortunately, we chose to ignore the T.D.A.'s message, and now we suffer the consequences for our lack of faith." Rumors of Osama bin Laden having a time machine has not helped calm the news media, which has been in a state of panic since September 11th. "We don't know what to tell CNN anymore," stated a distraught Washington insider. "Osama has a time machine -- so what? We have Infinite Justice on our side." What 'Infinite Justice' is remains undetermined at this time, although speculation points to a person, mystical gems, or ethereal anti-matter. How all this relates to the T.D.A., Osama's time machine, or Earth-0 is unknown at this time.
Earth-0 is in good hands. |
