earth0

The bugle has sounded...

The Earth-0 Table of Contents

"Where all is revealed, and nothing remains hidden."

R.I.P.

October, 2001 - May, 2002

Earth-0 is dead

Long live Earth-Done

Looking for the Earth Zero comic book? Click here!

Live from Earth-0:

The Lunatics Have the Green Light

The following is a listing of events that prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that the inmates are running the asylum. The cataclysmic events of September 11th have given fringe elements in our society a "green light" to act out their insanity in public.

This is not a chronological listing of events. This is not a detailed listing. This is merely a stream of consciousness listing that will trigger your memory banks and, hopefully, reveal the truth.

	An angry white male mad scientist mails anthrax to democratic leaders and famous TV news anchors, killing postal workers and old ladies.
	A guy lights his shoes on fire on an American Airlines flight.
	Johnny Walker openly admits he's Taliban ... and his dad admits he paid for his son's trip to Yemen.
	An airport is shut down after a guy runs through security to get a travel bag he forgot.
	A fifteen year old snaps and flies a Sesna into a bank building.
	A man gets up before his flight takes off, grabs the microphone from the flight attendant, and starts praying. He refuses to stop and is escorted off the plane.
	Curtis Lee Waagner, charged with mailing hundreds of hoax anthrax letters to abortion clinics, is arrested at Kinko's.
	A 23-year-old shoots his ex-girlfriend in the head and commits suicide at Broward Community College.
	Two students are shot at Martin Luther King Jr. High School, on Dr. King's birthday.
	A Virginia law school student kills 3 after being expelled.
	A former high school co-valedictorian dies after giving birth in a college dormitory. She insisted she was okay before dying ... too bad no one had the courage to take her to the hospital.
	Daniel Pearl, a writer for the Wall Street Journal, is kidnapped and killed by assailants who can't even spell.
	A man panics on a United Airlines flight to Argentina, and busts head-first into the cockpit. He is subdued by the co-pilot and passengers.
	V-day now stands for Valentine's day. World War II has officially been forgotten.
	The EPA, after decades of vigilance, no longer cares about the air quality in New York City.
	A toy hand grenade shuts down LAX airport for hours -- the entire facility was evacuated.
	A homeless man nicknamed "Dr. Chaos" is captured in Chicago, with cyanide capsules and subway system schematics.
	Mohammed Atta is approved by the INS to fly six months after killing thousands of people.
	A 19-year-old college student decides to mail pipe bombs to various homes in the midwest, spreading across the map in the shape of a smiley-face.

***

Exposed

The following entities have been exposed, in concordance with the Earth-0 slogan, "where all is revealed, and nothing remains hidden":

Enron

The Catholic Priesthood

Airport security

The Post Office

Afghanistan

Yassir Arafat and the PLO

Arthur Anderson

Billy Graham

Pakistan

Ken Griffey Jr.

The lack of communication between the INS, FBI, CIA, and NSA

***

Hints of Earth-0

photo montage by The Collector

***

Shadow Government

Who is running the Shadow Government (as of March 29th)?

These people were specially selected to run our government in the event of a nuclear holocaust in Washington, DC.

1. George Bush, Sr

2. Ronald Reagan

3. Nancy Reagan

4. Dan Quayle

5. Milton Berle

6. Cal Ripken, Jr

7. Arnold Schwarzenegger

8. Robin Williams

9. John Henry

10. Bud Selig

11. Vince McMahon

12. Joe Quesada

13. Tiffany Phillips

14. Michael Jackson

15. Russell Crowe

16. Pat Buchanan

17. Sarah Michelle Gellar

18. Chester Babst

19. Tori Amos

20. Rev. Al Sharpton

21. Naveen Yalamanchi

22. Jay Matthews

23. Mike Tyson

24. Bill Gates

25. David Duchovny

26. Tom Cruise

27. Nicole Kidman

28. Jodie Foster

29. Samuel L. Jackson

30. Rodney King

31. Dan Marino

32. Alan Greenspan

33. Ed Koch

34. Janet Reno

35. Emmanuel Lewis

36. Stormin' Norman

37. Michael Jordan

38. Dennis Rodman

39. Jose Canseco

40. John Goodman

41. Stephen Hawking

42. Gillian Anderson

43. Michael Bernstein

44. Bernard Goetz

45. Rudolf Guiliani

46. William Shatner

47. Ice Cube

48. Alyssa Milano

49. Guy Pierce

50. Sixteen-time world heavy-weight champion, Ric Flair

51. Barbara Bush

52. Joan Collins

53. Tim Martin

54. Jason Giambi

55. Chelsea Clinton

56. Mr. T

57. Steven Spielberg

58. Brandy

59. George Lucas

60. Sheila Fletcher

61. Marissa Byrum

62. Michelle Kwan

63. Sarah Hughes

64. The Realtor

65. Todd McFarlane

66. Stan Lee

67. Wesley Snipes

68. Brad Pitt

69. Cher

70. John Madden

71. Kris Kristofferson

72. Pete Rose

73-75: The nWo

***

Earth-0.2

"All the drama you'll ever need"

March 29 -- With the tanks rolling into Ramallah, the storyline known as "Earth Zero" has officially moved into Act II.

"Act I is over," stated a Justice Department official. "There's no stopping what's coming next."

"We tried our best," stated Minister of Peace Powell at a press conference. "After all, as much as we hated Earth Zero, we all agree that this was the best situation we could all hope for. Now ... I just don't know. It doesn't look good."

Speculation is running rampant as to who will be the writer of the new act, which has been nicknamed "Earth-0.2".

"Who knows? This is like Earth-Sigma, but worse," stated Dr. Richard Hoffman, Lead Counsel for N.E.Co. "You have to believe we're in trouble if no one even knows what's coming next.

"I mean, who would've believed Israel would finally take down Arafat? Surely this is a sign of Ragnorak, or whatever you want to call it.

"It's getting ugly up in here," stated the Justice Department official. "Bush is overconfident ... King Ashcroft is throwing stuff at his T.V. ... it's bad. And, what's worse, we still don't know where Osama is."

Here are some burning questions that are sure to be answered during Earth-0.2. Read this like the cliffhangers from the 1960's Batman T.V. show (editor's note -- Earth 0.2 is over; all questions have been answered):

Will Phil Donahue return to T.V.? YES.

Will Yassir Arafat finally be deposed? NOT YET.

Will Osama bin Laden ever be found? ONLY WHEN HE WANTS TO BE.

Will China finally invade Taiwan? YEAH.

Will Jorge Haider finally make his move? HE ALREADY IS.

Will Episode II suck? NO.

Will Clinton kick Bush Jr.'s ass on Fox? NAH.

Will J.Z. really return to Tashman? NO.

Will the Mets play better defense? PROBABLY.

Will "Fight Club" and "Watchmen" be blamed for Earth-0? NAH.

There's only one way to find out -- check back with the DailySkew at this 'Skew time, on this 'Skew channel!

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