Wouldn't It Be Cool If...
Here is a selection of wishes, dreams and general wants in life
| All barmaids were just as pukka at the beginning of the evening instead of becoming princesses after you have consumed enough Stella Artois to sink a medium sized oil tanker. |
| Every male over the age of 25 had to complete a weeks work experience a year at an all girls school, performing duties like removing hair from plug holes, drilling holes in cubicle walls and the like. |
| Like you used to get free milk at school as a kid, the government adopted the practice of issuing free beer and fags to all males in their 30's. |
| Chris Evans was merely a figment of your imagination and your condition could be treated with a mild sedative. |
| Chocolate tasted of beer, curry and kebabs then the girlies would not pinch yours, thus allowing you to munch away undisturbed by the shrill cries of "I want some.......oooh go on hunnny.....pleeeeze". |
| A large asteroid hit earth and the only fatality was Celine Dion, saving the rest of the world with her nose, a worthy sacrifice methinks. |
| All three girlies from the Corrs got evicted and had to move into my place. |
| Everyone was known by their nickname in formal company, I can see it now, the queen saying "HMmmm how nice to meet you Mr Monkey Boy, and how is Mr Guttbukkett". |
| Sanitary wear was supplied free by the health service. (this was put in to make it slightly more attractive to the fairer sex, and so I never have to track down tampons at 3 fukkin am) |
| I could dial into my ISP (RedHotAnt) first time, and not get disconnected in the middle of a deep and meaningful conversation. |
| The Beastie Boys "Fight For Your Right" was the national anthem and it was compulsory to watch "The Italian Job" once a week. |
| Phillipa Forrester new that I share the same birthday as her, and saw this as a reason for forming a deep and meaningful relationship with me, interspersed with wild drunken sex of course. |
| You've read this far and have not seen me for the shallow and sad individual that I really am. |
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