The carrot lunge, select a firm but sharply pointed carrot, sneak up behind your selected victim and jab hard in the kidneys..........eventually the bruising will render your victim powerless

The potato Nunchaku, tie two spuds together with a piece of hairy string, to be used the same as conventional Nunchaku but having the added advantage of making some damm fine chips afterwards.

The celery garrote, take two strips of celery and leave for a few days until soft, tie one end to the other, making a convenient knot then simply throttle the bastard.

The zucchini cosh, select a fair sized zucchini and beat your foe over the head with it until rendered unconscious by the blows or sheer boredom.

The sprout catapult, purchase a suitable hunting catapult and load with uncooked Brussels sprouts...........se there is a use for these offensive little green flatulence makers.