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| Welcome to the |
| Chzy_G |
| Voksnel |
| Snippet of Choice "The point of war is not to die for your country, but make the other bastard die for his." -General George S. Patton |
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| New Stuff |
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| The Grand LINKS Page (Snel's & C_G's favorite links) |
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| Last updated: May Eighth, Two Thousand Seven |
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| 7 Days Before Voksnel's Celebration of the Release from His Mother's Womb (December Fifth)- Haha! The mortal larva that will soon view this page have no idea of the wonders going on. The renovation to this site could not be more extreme or perfect. With the power of Cheezy_Goodness's organization and intellect and MY wit and eagerness to destroy . . . I mean, create . . . in an effort to destroy . . . maybe I should give up while I'm ahead . . . but man how I love that disgruntled cow Patsy . . . |
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| A History of Ye Olde Crystalline_Wondercow |
| December Twentieth, 2003- My unconquerable ingenuity even amazes myself sometimes. The Crystalline_wondercow's facelift is finally coming together . . . perhaps soon this site shall be reopened to the public. The Cow is growing, mortals, and I bide my time; we shall soon strike. Like a serpent and a pathetic, defenseless worm-rat we shall strike . . . that's you as the rat and us as the serpent . . . only, with two serpents, not the one, because there's two of us . . . and . . . and . . . oh, just shut up and enjoy the site . . . |
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| January Twentieth, 2004- No, no I do not know why Cheezy_Goodness has not been updating since the big renovation. I find it . . . disturbing . . . that somehow I am updating more than he. It is not . . . normal . . . like blueberry Spam. You can get anything at Alice's. We're hoping to obtain a, how do you say, "e" mail address, so that we can merrily respond to all of your pathetic, unintelligent questions and . . . and . . . and I ran out of big words . . . go away . . . . |
| Mail Us, Crazy Mortal-Folk!! [email protected] We'll post interesting Q's and A's. |
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| E-Mails of Frenetic Death Messages from our mortal slaves and our replies |
| February Sixth, 2004- Hey, mortal scum, how do you like my little monthly updates? I am terribly confused about why C_G hasn't been typing any updates . . . however, we have been working diligently on improving the Site. For instance, you can now visit my "Why Humans Are Sick" page, and be enthralled by my ability to point out your pathetic weaknesses. Sounds like fun, eh? And now, our e-mail page is finally underway! We have our first lucky e-mail posted; will yours be next?!? |
| Three Days Before Fat Tuesday (February Twenty-First)- Ello world. It is I, Voksnel, once again, and not Cheezy_Goodness. I know not why. As you understand, it baffles me. I have replied to yet another e-mail message code. Exciting. I love the monotone, yes? NO!! YOU SHALL ALL PERISH!!! I mean, I love you. Yes, that love thing . . . what does that mean, C_G? He told me to say that . . . hmm . . . . Those of you faithful folk-types may remember a rumor of a page called "The Summer of Voksnel and His Rise to Power." It is now coming! Bleah-ha! Hic-cough-cough-cough . . . mmm tasty Death . . . |
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| March 17, 2004 2:52 PM YES..yEs..YeS! Finally, I, Sisyphus, HAVE been given access to THE COW. For...months I have been working behind the SCENES here at the cow. Remember the CAPTION contest thing? Yeah that was all me. The only reason it DIDN'T work is because Voksnel and C_G FAILED to EVER change it. But everything is OK now. |
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| March Twentieth- Yes, for those of you mortals too idiotic to recognize it, this is indeed a light shade of green. So this is I, Voksnel, and you should be frightened out of tu pantimedias! Anywho, I see that Sisyphus has made his first update . . . good, very good . . . Soon I suspect you shall be able to view his intriguing Bio. Wundebar. As this new addition to our list of Crystalline_Wondercow followers proves, we are growing... |
| April Fifth- Ah yes, this is greener, although a bit of a darker shade wouldn't hurt . . . well anyway, it is I, Voksnel, once again the only one updating. So, larva, have you checked out "The Summer of Voksnel and His Rise to Power?" It is mighty glorious, so any pathetic Earth soul should enjoy it. I plan on releasing the third document to-day, so brace yourself for more of an adventure staged on the most demented of all inhabited planets: Earth! |
| April 11, 2004 5:59 PM It is I Sisyphus. The one who is new to all of this. I've almost started my bio so if you feel like being patient you might be able to see it soon. (curse my lack of reliable technology)For the meantime Voksnel has allowed me the use of his fancy almost nonbroken technology.This is good for as you will find out I have been around for a while, and have not yet mastered the "computer". But that is for another time. |
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| April Eleventh- By the awe-striking Power of the Cow, I have it!! Yes, puny mortals, doomed to die; I HAVE found it. ...What? What do you mean, "what did I find?" Idiotic fools! You shall not question the great Voksnel!! You're Doom is near, pathetic invalids! Oh, (grumble) SORRY, SISYPHUS TELLS ME TO STOP HARASSING THE GUESTS . . . He's just as bad as C_G . . . Anyway, just . . . watch your back . . . nyeuh . . . |
| ,m m,,knJnune Fourth- Alas, ye scurvy swabs, I, Voksnel, be. YES! I am updating. It has been a goodly time, mortals, but I have my excuses. So ha. I have escaped a horrid concentration camp, the name of which I believe was "Gorkphwip Hi Schul" . . . But apparently they let out in the summer, so I have returned to the HQ and I am now here! You read my words; I EXIST! I plan on fashioning a contest page with some help from Sisyphus . . . yes . . . BRILLIANT!! I RULE!!! |
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| June Ninth- Ah, the day of the ninth. A day of doom for humans, eh? Yes, for have even you not heard, ignorant slime fetuses, of how Seven ate Nine? And Nine signifies Humans, because the fifth letter in "human" is "n" and five is the number of Kingdoms of life on Earth and humans are mortally living so they will die because they are not "immortal," the third letter of which is "m," which is nine letters away from "v," as in "Voksnel," which proves the ninth to be unlucky by me for humans. And so, in this way, I win. Ha. |
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| August Twenty-Fourth- Greetings, mortals of the distinct priviledge to view your own demise at work. I return to the Site which has long been abandoned. For two months and longer the Base has been empty, but here am I, Voksnel, as I bend over pages of hastily scribbled notes. Where are Cheezy_Goodness and Sisyphus? It seems that they have left in search of some relic, and yet they leave the great Crystalline_Wondercow here unguarded . . . it is not like them . . . I wonder if they have left against their will . . . ? Well, I shall consult the Cow for explanation. My findings may be recorded later. |
| Seven Days Before the Date of the Release of Voksnel from His Mother's Womb- Wes hale, creatures of distilled light. It is I, yet again finding myself as the only one who gives a monkey's poo about this Site. It is sad, for I had always thought Cheezy_Goodness to be pro-Xernokin Rebellion. Well, no matter. Lately the Cow has been rather dormant, so without advice I have contented myself with busywork and old pasttimes. I am currently fashioning a time continuum from Ramen noodles, C_G's toejam collection (don't tell), an old perpetual motion device, spit, and Spam. It's coming along quite nicely, actually. |
| The Day After Shamrock Shakes's Release from His Mother's Womb [December Twenty-Second]- Yes, yes, you know the drill, "It is I, Voksnel, the great and all-powerful." Yes, indeed, but alas! for I am not in the spirit. I have discovered a recent development in my brain; yes, I, the One with the Name of Blood, am suffering from a mild case of depression. (Since constipation doesn't occur in the brain...) Cheezy_Goodness may well be dead, for all I know, for he has not returned from his expedition in the Congo. I fear for his life. He's not very good with chimps, you know . . . well, I mean, he is a reasonable fellow . . . unless . . . his theories of human reason are flawed... no... NO! |
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| June 1, 2005 6:35 Yes...this is Sisyphus, and I am at the same time happy and sad to report that I have thwarted the "Tech Services" in their attempts to block my access to this wonderful place of happiness....only to find that i have lost all contact with Voksnel and CG...and it seems that this sight has died....I am also happy to reoport that I will be returning to them soon, in hopes of restablishing contact. Until then...eat cheese, lots of cheese... |
| July Sixth of Two Thousand Five- Contact with Sisyphus reestablished. Good, very good. A recent project of mine has been a study of human interaction, and I hope to post the results of my recent attempted interactions on this Site, so that humans may read it and advise me concerning my grammar and/or interactive skills thus far acquired. I think I'm doing quite well actually. By the way, the time continuum device worked nicely. Ah, the powers of Spam. Eh, just be aware of the LUCK you humans have, sharing a planet with the only known Spam resources . . . ah the great Hormel . . . |
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| August Tenth of Two Thousand Five- YES the first fruits of my recent study (see July Sixth) have been posted . . . cower in fear, mortals, AND CHECK IT DOGS!! ...Sorry, I've been practicing human-language too long... Also, stay "tuned" to the Pic Page, and send us your Pic-tures. Oy, I need a lobotomy. LOBOTOTIZE ME, CAP'N! aahhhh... too much human... too much human... too much filth... too much human.... I need a vacation. To Antarctica I think. Yes, Antarctica--there is no established human government, so we could start our own... ANTARCTICA WILL BE OUR NEW SEAT OF POWER!! Heh-heh... |
| January Twenty-Eighth, Two Thousand Six- I am dissappointed with you, mortals. I expected more pictures for The "Pic" Page. No matter; I'm sure you will all see the light soon enough. Alas, a more prominent problem has arisen, and it involves the absence of our beloved Cheezy_Goodness... I have not, as of yet, been instructed by the Cow to reveal the updates on that subject. By the way, for those of you involved with the support of the Cow and its Earth-conquering purposes, you'll be upset to hear that the Antarctica plan isn't going too well... and that Sisyphus isn't breathing... I wonder what he meant when he said "cold..." |
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| February ! PUNY FOOLS! I instruct you to dominate the Earth by the time I get back, and what do you do!? You make a PICTURE PAGE!? HOW IS THIS AIDING OUR QUEST FOR GLOBAL DOMINATION!!?? Unfortunantly, the 'Secret Mission' I was on turned out to be a untamed poultry chase perpetrated by our very own Sisyphus... No matter, C.G. is back and back with a new found burning passion for Pringles and IRON FISTEDNESS!! |
| March Thirty-First, Two Thosand Six- Aha! Now that the Great Cheezy_Goodness is back, plans shall continue as planned, for when plans continue as not planned, they are no longer the plans they once were, and we shall call them "splans," rather than plans, for they become oh so spicy ... lovely. And, so C_G knows, it's not really a picture page, per se; it's more of a pic page, which is helpful not only for communicating with the Earthling natives, but also for picking things. (The Cow has a very large nose, C_G. It is our duty to appease It. Remember that, my friend.) Well, I must now return to the Sea Monkey project.... |
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| The Crystalline_Wondercow, at rest |
| May Eighth, Two Thousand Seven- You must understand that Once Upon a Sometime there wert seven but now but Twenty Four of the parsley bullfrogs ribbut. But despite the slime and incredible odor, the flesh crawling as with many disoriented bees (the pesticides), we still hung onto the wrinkled wrappings of our convulsive spasmatic natures. It only takes so much to fire the bacon, but so much more to fry the eggs out of them. Yet with Great Grease comes Great Power, and with Great Power come the Suit, which couldn't be sharper. So continue your drivelling, and host your Wallabies; I am not afraid. |
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