Fort Dodge Tecmo Bowl League

The Glossary

All Day -
I (Brad) find myself saying this a lot.....especially when I have Fredd Young and I'm playing Erock. Anyways, it’s a term used with superior diving during a game that breaking your opponents back, or else when you’re in the zone on play calling, regardless of whether you’re on offense or defense.

Amish Barn Burner - 
Simply put a boring game, or a game that might feature a lot of field goals. In a nutshell, not much excitement to speak of. Note: this is different than “a battle of field position attrition” which is listed further below.

Battle of Field Position Attrition - 
This is usually used in a close low scoring game or a punt fest, where both team’s defense is stingy as hell, and the game looks to be broke wide open by 1 mistake or 1 big play. This term usually doesn’t get unveiled until late 2nd qtr, or early 3rd, but never before…..simply put it’s a rule! Don’t get this confused with an “Amish Barn Burner”……as this type of game features action that’s hot and furious, and all around great to watch. Possibly could feature some good defensive plays or near intercepted passes, or tension filled FG attempts.

Cattle Herder -
This is when you circle around a RB with your defender to get a much better angle before you dive….this happens mostly in the backfield when you are trying to avoid a blocker…..as we say you “Cattle Herd” him right into position that he needs to be for a successful diving tackle. When you have great success with this method during a game, you can be called “Captain Cattle Herder”….kinda like Captain Cave Man but different.

Cunt Punt - 
I suppose in the real world this applies to kicking a chick right in the snatch, but in Tecmo Bowl if yer punter cant punt very well, or gets off a bad punt, its a "Cunt Punt."

Diving is Awesome - 
Diving is awesome…..yes it is, but if you dive and miss its still awesome…..well awesome for the guy who you missed with your dive, as he runs 25 yards on your ass. Then they always let you know how awesome diving is. Anyways, diving can make or break a game sometimes, so therefore making it awesome.

Gang Banged - 
This is a reference to a team receiving a kickoff and their blockers don’t block for shit, and your returner goes nowhere......happens to Miami a lot.....similar to the "gang probed" term, but since a pack of 3 or 4 guys all dive on the ball carrier at once, looks like he gets gang banged.

Hoe’s Nest - 
It’s a free one week stay, at the “Did not win any of your games this week” INN.
Eric has been in the hoe’s nest so much this season that he’s gotten a discount now.

Hulking UP - 
Another one that only applies me so far. In key situations late in the game I (Brad) tend to laugh manically and demonically…and just go all out fucking crazy. I am the Tecmo equivalent to Hulk Hogan circa 1988, after he’s been getting beat most of the match, and now he’s just not gonna take it anymore. When I Hulk Up….resistance is futile. A leg drop and a TD later and the game is over.

I Hate You -
It’s always good for your opponent to yell this. Mainly cause Nate is the only one in the league who says it. So when Nate is hating you, you’re golden!

Jackrabbit Recession -
Mostly applies to kicking off to Gentry or McNeil. They blow thru your defense and race off for a huge kick return or even a TD. It’s a kick return so good that there are hardly any defenders in pursuit, let alone even on the screen with the returner. If there were only more Jackrabbits on your team, you coulda caught the guy earlier.

Jaws - 
It’s not a case of whether or not you have Jaws, but more importantly what kind you have. Are they Good Jaws, or Bad Jaws? This comes from the ol’ saying “stealing victory from the jaws of defeat” which are Good Jaws to have! And there are others who suffer from the genetic disorder of Bad Jaws….“stealing defeat from the jaws of victory” which are always Bad Jaws to have. Jeff has Bad Jaws a lot when he plays me, however he has Good Jaws when he plays Eric. When you steal a game, it’s a good time to yell “Jaws” as you point and laugh at your beleaguered opponent. Jeff leading me 13-0 at the start of the 4th qtr, only to lose 14-13, is a Good case of Bad Jaws.

Playing Cat and Mouse - 
This refers to switching around a lot from defender to defender-on defense. It most commonly applies to using defenders at the top and bottom of the screen…whether it is defensive ends, outside linebackers, or safeties. You can use this to ploy for calling strong side run a lot as you stifle the running game. Otherwise, you can call pass plays a lot, and use the strategy so your opponent has no clue which way he can run and be successful. However using this and calling pass plays can be risky, but very rewarding if it pans out. This is commonly used by WAS and the Doom Combo, or NYG and the Bookends of Armageddon, or CLE and the Safety Pins of Doom. In the event that your defense sucks, such as DAL, then if used in a tricky manner, you can limit what your opponent can do on offense and give you a great shot at winning the game. It’s a sound strategy that can put you in great position to not be blocked on run plays, as long as you can outsmart your opponent. The Tecmo Bowl mind games are one of the best aspects of the game. 

Projectile Celebration - 
This one so far only applies to me (Brad), but after a TD or INT celebration during a tight spot in a game, I get a little excited and start to uh like slobber or spray saliva as I celebrate, and so hence forth Brad's trademarked "Projectile Celebration". 

Teats On a Boar Play - 
Coined by Eric when he was WAS…….applies to a WR reverse, or other plays that are rendered useless in any game. And what's more worthless than teats on a boar?

Tecmo Bowl Shit -
Well, above is spelled wrong to illustrate a play on words….also know as Tecmo Bull-Shit. Eric tends to say this a lot…..usually when he’s getting hosed during a game.

The Mecklenburg Interception - 
This is simply called “the Mecklenburg interception” because it won a game after time expired, in crazy comeback fashion. So far in our Tecmo History, it’s the only play that actually has a name!!! Such as the NFL’s versions of “The Drive”, “The Fumble”, The Immaculate Reception”, etc. However those all occurred in playoff games, and ours happened in a near meaningless mid season game between cellar dwellers. But regardless, there is no “The FG” in our history, or whatever…just “The Mecklenburg Interception”. Say that to any of the league members and they will know exactly what your talking about. There was never a Mecklenburg interception before, and there will probably never be one ever again that will receive this amount of notoriety.

The Washington Thesis - 
This little term applies to Eric’s stingy play with WAS. Since his offense has little chance, he manages to play insane defense, and seems to always keep himself in the game, by the sheer will power of the Doom Combo. Ironically this thesis also applies to me using DAL as well, on account of their lack of defense and how you need to become exceedingly stingy with play calls, and very tricky and unpredictable when it comes to selecting your defender. Another instance that this applies is when you substitute using a fast defender for a slower defender who is in a better or safer position to not get exploited by a running game. In a nutshell, its good smart defense, or just plain dumb luck.

I Got You -
This is the famous call when you get your pass play picked by the defense, and as you start to scramble, the defender leaves his man and comes up for the tackle, so you promptly throw to the wr he was supposed to be covering....and then, "I got you!" laughter ensues! This play sucks on defense, and it's also legal.

Punt Sack -
This term is a very relevant strategic ploy, and gets used almost every game. This applies to when you have a lead, and you have to punt late in the 2nd or 4th qtr. What you do is try to let the power meter cycle through an extra time or 2, to eat up more time during the punt, however you need to be careful to not suffer the wrath of....."The Punt Sack".