Well nothing exciting...or depressing to write about today. Hmm, can't promise anything of interest in this entry. We'll see what I can come up with. Maybe I will start off with a slight fantasy, though nothing really x-rated as, well, those are private. I've been sulking cause Lisa's computer keeps taking her away from me, so I was sitting in my livingroom thinking about her when I thought about this.
My livingroom is rather empty, all I have to sit on are a camping chair and two folding chairs(money was spent on more important things than something to sit on). So I have all three chairs lined up which makes it rather comfortable as I can stretch out. The two folding chairs are face to face with an opening through the back and then the camping chair at the opening. So I was half laying in the chairs with my eyes closed and listening to music for Lisa. And here the fantasy starts.
I'm in the livingroom as just described and looking out the window. Lisa is out somewhere, probably planning some surprise cause she likes to do that. She comes home and I can hear her in the kitchen. When she walks into the livingroom I turn to look at her. She's wearing jeans and a sleevless tight, white shirt. She just stands there at the entrance of the room, her eyes gliding across my body as mine do the same over hers. I'm wearing loose shorts and a sports bra. After a moment, she walks over to me and looks down into my eyes. I reach my hand out and put it on the back of her thigh. She then straddles me and sits down on my waist. Both my hands move to her hips. She leans back, putting her elbows on the back of the one chair causing her shirt to tighten more across her chest. I move my hands up and down her thighs. Putting her hands on the chair on either side of me, she leans over me and we meet in an intensely deep kiss. Her hands push down on my shoulders and she lays her body on mine. My hands glide along her back under her shirt and then down the back of her pants. Her hands are around my neck and in my hair. I sit up with her, holding her closer to me and kissing along her jaw, down her neck and across her shoulders. Her hands leave tingling trails along my back and stomach and across my chest. She pulls off my bra as I strip off her shirt. We kiss again as we slide off the chairs onto the floor. She's laying on her back, I'm half on top of her. I kiss down her body, unbuttoning her jeans and gliding them down her hips and off her feet. Slowly I leave butterfly kisses up each leg until I reach the destination of my longing. Afterwards I hold her in my arms as her breathing slows to normal. She lightly kisses my neck then raises her body above mine and again straddles me and I can feel her warmth on my bare stomach. Her fingers wander over my body, followed by her sweet kisses. As she places her body between my legs she pulls off my shorts and drops them on top of her jeans. A while later she is back laying beside me with our arms around each other and my head on her chest, listening to the sound of her heart. I raise my head to her and we slowly kiss. She looks into my eyes then, making a puppy dog pleading face, she asks if I can get her a glass of water. I say sure then get up and walk into the kitchen to discover the table set up for a candle light dinner, with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in the middle. Lisa walks up behind me and puts her arms around my stomach and kisses the back of my neck. I sit, as she lights the candles and brings out the food she had kept warm in the oven. She then sits across from me and I can't take my eyes off how her's sparkle in the candle light. She's gorgeous...
Let me tell you, the x-rated version is very, very good;)
*****
So my mom has been getting a lot better with my sexuality and I think with me being with Lisa. She said the hardest part to accept is what I will be missing out on and the fact that I can be hurt by this, hated by people who don't know me, treated unequally because I'm les. But I won't be missing anything, things will just be slightly different than she had thought before. I will still be married, I will still have kids, and I will still do the little things in public that is taken for granted such as holding hands and kissing. Fear isn't going to stop me because love will carry me through and protect my heart from harm. A stranger could hate me, a stranger could hurt me, but with love nothing would hurt so much as what Lisa would do to me if she broke my heart. I know I will never feel that kind of pain from her so any other pain caused by strangers isn't worth worrying about.
My mom has also started telling me about my dad. I have wanted for so long to ask questions and to just know what kind of person my dad was, but I've never known how to ask or when would be a good time. Talking about him is hard for my mom, I know. It's been eighteen years since he died but the pain is still there and always will be. What made me the happiest from what I have heard so far is that my one memory of him that I've never been sure was real, is real. I cried when my mom said that. I know now I really do have a moment in time with him that isn't just from looking at pictures or hearing stories, this I have inside me. It's not much, but it's mine. Already my mom has told me about how they met and it just sounds all so sweet and cute and my mom made the first move to find out his name, I think that was the cutest part.
Well since the fantasy was about as interesting as my day has been, I think I will jet now. Come back in a while for part two...maybe. |
