Dear Mom,
Throughout my life you have taught me many important things; I know the difference between right and wrong, I know not to hurt people, and I know not to lie. But there is one thing that you could not have taught me, something that I had to learn for myself, and that is who I really am.I had to learn who I am, what it means to be me, and no one could have taught me this. Over the years I have been searching for answers and finally I have discovered my true self, but I am afraid that with this discovery comes much fear. The thought that maybe I should just forget what I have found and be who people believe me to be, has crossed my mind several times. But I can not do that. During my questioning, I have also learned that no matter who I am, I can not let this fear stop me from being myself or letting others know who I am.
Mom, this is the hardest thing I have ever had to tell you and probably will remain so throughout my life. But I can not continue without you knowing. So, I am writing this to you today to tell you that I am a lesbian. I know this may be hard for you to understand, or want to believe that your youngest is homosexual but it's the truth. I have spent many years asking myself what I am and thinking it would be easier to just pretend that I am straight, to not have to worry about losing the people that I love or disappointing you, but I am happier now than I have ever been and I could not lie about my sexuality and loose this happiness, even though I risk loosing you.
I need you to understand that this was not a choice that I have made. I was not asked if I wanted to be gay, I just am. I have always been this way and deep inside I think I always knew. This is just one of those things that happens at birth, and is not due to how I was raised or the environment in which I grew up, you did nothing wrong in my upbringing and there was nothing and no one that could have changed this about me. This is just who I am, and who I have always been.
Discovering my sexuality was not easy, it has been a very slow process and continues as I come out to each new person and still the fear remains. Knowing my sexuality does not change the person that I am, I am the same person that I was yesterday and last year, now you just know one more thing about me. And maybe this has answered some of your questions as to why I am the way I am. Until this point, I had felt that with every moment that passed when I did not disclose my sexuality I was lying to you. And, in a way, I guess I was, especially when you would ask if I had a boyfriend. I wished each time I could tell you but I was not yet ready. Waiting, however, has not made this any easier for either of us. My hope now is that we can talk openly about any questions you may have and I will do my best to put to rest your doubts.
We have always had a good relationship and I hope that my sexuality will not change that. I will always remain your loving daughter.
Love always, Kim |
