some entries have been taken from various diaries of mine
I was thinking about telling Sanita tonight. The walk would have been a good time but I decided not to. We're friends again but I don't want her to be one of the first that knows. I think Raj might wonder why I told Sanita before her since I think I'm closer to Raj now, she might think it's because I didn't trust her enough or something so I held off and because I don't want Sanita to tell Hardip. Hardip will be one of the last, might not even hear it from me. I'm not sure yet.
In a way I talked about it with Mel again. She was asking if I wanted her Mickey D fries and I said no cause I'm still trying to stay away from fast food.
She kept saying 'come on, you know you want to,'
I'm like 'ya, but I have Will(willpower).'
'Fuck Will.'
'I don't wann fuck Will.'
"Not literally.'
'Even if I liked fucking Will I wouldn't, he saves me money sometimes.'
'Come on.'
'No, if I fuck Will tonight, then he will leave me. I want him around.' So I didn't have them, Will is still here and we joked about who I like to fuck, interesting.
I want people to catch me, call me on my sexuality, out right ask me so I don't have to find the courage to bring it up. If someone asks me flat out I think I would tell them straight out. If they ask, they want to know, they deserve the truth, but for now I am really tired and don't want to think about coming out. I'll just dream about being out or atleast having someone locked in the closet with me;)