some entries have been taken from various diaries of mine
Talking about Carleen's boyfriend and someone said 'It's a guy right?' and of course mom was the one to say 'Oh ya. At least it better be.' Right there my mood got totally fucked. Just a joke and she makes that comment, well my sexuality is no joke, what she gonna say then?
I hate that no one knows and I have to watch where my eyes go and what I watch and how I react when someone talks about homosexuality. I absolutely hate it, but I don't think I can tell anyone until I am prepared for the worst, to be disowned, kicked out, shunned by everyone I care about.
Who do I actually know that would for sure not turn their back on me? Raj says she would be fine if a friend came out to her, but there have been times when she answered my questions or made comments where it is obvious she wouldn't be fine, not as fine as she thinks anyway. I just want to cry, to be caught some how so I don't have to decide when I am prepared to loose everyone. I mean I shouldn't have to be thinking about this, it is almost 2002 and still homosexuality is taboo. It's love, it's two people. Why does gender mean so much. Love is love no matter who it is between, man/woman, man/man, womyn/womyn, young/old, as long as both parties are consenting I don't see what the big deal is.
Some heterosexuals discriminate against homosexuals because they think same sex couples are revolting and sinful, should that mean straight couples should be revolting to me. Should I commit hate crimes against straight people because they aren't like me. Why can't people just live in peace, how ever with whom ever they want. The world is big enough to hold all the differences within it. Differences are what make this an interesting place to live. If everyone was the same then there would be only one gender, a hermaphrodite, then there would be no need for love or togetherness because we would be all we need since everyone would be the same and no one would need anything from anyone else. What a boring and lonely place that would be. No, differences are definately better and I will come out to everyone as soon as I can, no matter what they think or do about it, because I want them to accept me for being me and not just for being the person they know up to this point because I LOVE GIRLS, GIRLS ARE GORGEOUS CREATURS INSIDE AND OUT...GOTTA LOVE 'EM ANYWAY AND EVERYWAY POSSIBLE. I love you Lisa.