There were so many times when I had chickened out with coming out and with Sanita I had almost done it again this night. She came home around 7:30pm and told me all about her day. We talked about a lot of other stuff, she doing most of the talking as I fought with my tongue to talk about what I really wanted to talk about. We talked until around 9:30. I kept trying to say it, it was on the tip of my tongue, but so many other topics were being discussed that I just couldn't. Melissa came home and wanted to go to the store so I went with her and told her I had been trying and she told me to get some balls, in a nice supportive way of course, she knows this is hard.
When we went home, Sanita and Melissa talked for a bit and I had pretty much given up on coming out to Sanita that night so I went to my room and Lisa was online. I told her my troubles and she told encouraged me again and said to go do it, that she would still be online when I got back. So, again I trudged up the stairs to discover that Sanita had gone to her room. I quickly talked to Melissa and she too encouraged me, so back downstairs I went and knocked on the door. I was committed.
Again I did it the simple way, just saying I had something to tell her and then saying it. Just bringing it out of nowhere I kind of shocked her, but after the initial shock she was fine and we ended up talking for two hours. She asked many questions and I asked a number myself. We talked about how I know, if we are born gay and how will I tell my mom - that was a big concern for her and me as well. We talked about marriage, adopting, stereotypes, laws, others that are gay and a lot about coming out and how to do it. It was a great and helpful conversation and the first time I had talked to a straight friend about all those things. Since she had been on the way to bed when I came in, I finally left her and went back online to find Lisa, true to her word, still on.
I still had a forth roommate in the house that didn't know about me, but I wasn't going to tell her and I didn't care how she found out. For once I could go home and not have to hide who I was and be careful about what I said or what I watched. It was a great feeling knowing that in that house I was out and free to me myself and for once not feeling like I was lying when I was in my own home. It was an awesome feeling.
The night before I moved out of the house I talked to Sanita for a while again and told her about Lisa and later about Jazz and online when I say that I'm talking to Lisa she asks how she was doing. |
