I had been with Lisa on MSN talking about coming out when Raj, one of my roommates at the time, came online. I started talking to her aswell and asked Lisa if she thought coming out onling would be a bad idea, considering Raj was just upstairs. She encouraged me to do it because she knows I can't easily express myself verbally and gave me little pushes so I wouldn't chicken out like I had so many times. I still wasn't sure if online would be bad when Raj said that she wanted to drink and would I drink with her. So I left Lisa for a while and went upstairs with the alcohol. Melissa was there to and knew I was trying.
We stood in the kitchen talking for a while, my entire body shaking. We watched Raj take a few shots while I worked on my first mixed drink. We moved into the livingroom and after Raj had a buzz going I found my nerve, but first I had to check if she remembers things the morning after drinking. She said she did and so I just told her I wanted to tell her something and then I said it. No big prepatory speech like with Melissa that was too stressful. Just a simple, 'Okay, I'm gay' and it came out really easily. Raj looked at me for a minute, then asked 'Are you serious?' 'Yes.' I said and that was it. She said she was fine and it didn't matter to her.
Raj was one of my friends that I was really iffy about. We had talked about 'what ifs' and through them I had brought up homosexuality a number of times. Sometimes her answers were positive and other times not so much. After awhile when I went back downstairs to talk to Lisa and tell her I did it, Raj came back online looking for me wanting me to go watch the movie with her. Before that night Raj had never come looking for me when I left the room. By that time she was rather drunk, actually quite drunk and could not for the life of her type though she claimed she could just fine.
I went back upstairs and watched the movie with her and Melissa, pouring drinks for Raj and laughing at her drunkness. The next morning I made sure that she still remembered since she had gotten very drunk and she did. We haven't said anything about my sexuality since and I'm not sure if she knows about Lisa, though she probably does through one of my other friends. Since it's the summer now and we are living in different towns we really aren't talking but we didn't really talk last summer either and we were still friends so this is normal for us. |
