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Blond Jokes

I dont care what anyone says- blond jokes are still funny in my books, especially the really offensive ones mwahaha

1: A red head, a brunette, and (of course) a blond walks into a bar. The bartender tells them in the bathroom theres a magical mirror that will give you something good if you tell it the truth. If you lie you get sucked in. The girls liked the idea so they all walked into the bathroom. The brunette said "I think i'm the best looking person in this bar" and out popped out her prize. Next the red-head and went up and dsaid "I think I'm the smartest girl in this bar" it was the truth so a prize popped out of the mirror. Next The blond went "I think...." She was sucked into the mirror and never seen again.

2: What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Take the pin out of it and throw it back!!!
What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
RUN shes got a grenade in her hand!!!

3: There is a blonde in a playground and she had justlost her job so she decided to kidnap a child and ask for a million pounds in return. At the end of school she took a child and took him behind a tree. She wrote a note saying - " I have kidnapped your child and if you want him back you have to put a million pounds under the tree on the left hand side of the playground" She stuck the note on the childs back and told him to go home. The next day as expected there was a million quid under the tree with a note with it. It said - "How could you do this to a fellow blonde???"

4: Why do blondes like cars with sun-roofs?
More leg room.

5: A blonde,a brunette and a redhead were in the desert,when there car stalled.They each took one item from the car.The redhead took a canteen of water,the brunette took a bag containing a sandwhich,and the blonde took the car door. When they were walking the redhead decided to make coversation so she asked the brunette"Why did you bring the food?" the brunette answered back"In case I get hungry I will have something to eat.She asked back to the redhead"Why did you bring the water?" The redhead answered back"In case I get thirsty I will have something to drink" they both turned to the blonde and asked her why she brought the door she said "In case It gets hot I can roll down the window"

6: why was the blond smiling when lighting struck?
she thought she was getting her picture taken.

7: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up.

8: How do you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Wednesday!!!

9: Why did the Blonde get fired from the M&M's Factory?
She threw out all the W's!

10: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
Because they forget the recipe

11: Why did the blond climb the side of a glass building?
To see what was on the other side.
12: This blonde goes into an elavator and a bellboy was in there. She said T.G.I.F. and the bell boy says S.H.I.T. The blonde says T.G.I.F. and the bellboy says S.H.I.T. The blonde says T.G.I.F. and the bellboy say S.H.I.T. The blonde says "Thank god it's Friday and the bellboy says " Sorry honey it's Thursday"

13: How many blonde jokes are there?
None, their all true!
14: How do you confuse a blonde?
Tell her to go sit in the corner of a round room...
How does the blonde confuse you?
Comes back and tells you she did it!!

15: One day 3 dumb blondes were walking along the beach when one triped over a magic lamp. They picked it up and they rubbed it off. A genie came out and said, "I usally grant three wishes but sense there are three of you I'll give each of you one wish.
BLONDE- One of them stepped up and said I want to be 15% smarter...
GENIE- Done, your a redhead.
BLONDE- The next one said I can't be out done by her I want to be 50% smarter...
GENIE- Done, your a brunet.
BLONDE- I can't be out done by them I want to be 100% smarter...
GENIE- Done, your a man.

16: What's the difference between a mosquitoe and a Blonde?
The Mosquitoe stops sucking when you slap it.

17: What do a ufo and a smart blonde have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.

18: How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree!

19: How do you kill a Blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker at a bottem of a pool

20: Two blondes are walking down the road and they see a pair of tracks. The first blonde says "Oh look at the raccoon tracks" the other blonde says "Don't be stupid, those are deer tracks." "Uh-Uhn raccoon tracks" "No, deer tracks." "Raccoon" "Deer!" "Raccoon!!!" and then the train hits them.

21: why couldn't the blonde dial 911?
she couldn't find eleven on the phone!

22: what is the difference between a blonde and a rooster
a rooster says cock-a-doodle-doo and a blounde says any-cock-will-do

23: what did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
i wonder if its mine?

24: What do you get when their is five blondes lieing on the floor?
An air matress!

25: Two blondes were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in. Why were they there?
The went to see "Closed For Winter"

26: Two blondes where walking down the street and one picked up a compact opened it and looked in the mirror and said "she looks firmilar the other blonde grabs it and says "you fucking idiot it's me!"
27: How are a Blond and a turtle the same?
When they are on their backs they are screwed

28: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
The back of her head.

29: Why do blondes have bruise's around their belly-buttons?
Because Blonde guys are dumb, too!

30: what did the blode say after having sex?
NEXT!!

31: A blonde suspects that her man is cheating on her. So, she goes home during lunch one day, with her gun, to catch him. Sure enough, he's in bed with another woman. The blonde is hysterical and holds the gun to her head. Her man says, Oh baby, no, don't do this. Blonde says "SHUT UP!" "YOU'RE NEXT!!"

32: Why are blonde jokes mean?
Because blondes don't understand them.

33: Why did god creat blonds?
Sheep couldn't bring beer from the fridge

34: Whats the diffrince between a blond and a brunett?
A brunett can cross her legs

35: why blondes where green lipstick?
Because red means stop