[ Battle Royale Parody ] -- cowritten by Easter Bunny and Ducky
[ Chapter 6 ]
Narady Heng (male student #16) had just discovered Khang�s corpse. After running into the darkness, Narady had hidden near the far wall for over 6 hours, cowering as he heard screams and shouts (many of them caused by Johnny). At one point he had seen Spam, a person he had always thought of as feminine and timid, emerge from a storage shed covered in blood. Narady shuddered to think of what he might find there, but he could not quell his curiosity.
Khang�s corpse was gruesome, but Narady forced himself to search it for weapons. When he found none, He looked in the rest of the storage shed and found nothing except a bloody, very large care bear.
Narady�s weapon was a blow dart set that was supplied with 25 darts and a variety of poisons they could be dipped in. One small beaker was labeled �instant death�, another was called �tranquilization�, and several more included �blindness� �paralyzation� and �Michael Jacksonator� which Narady assumed turned you into an ugly white person (like Alan). He shuddered to think of it, and promised himself he would only use this one as a last resort.
Because he was not yet accurate with his blow darts, and he had no idea whether other people were supplied with guns or not, Narady needed some way to get close enough to somebody to get a clear shot.
Surveying the shack in despair, Narady�s eyes fell once more upon the giant care bear. His eyes lit up as an idea suddenly came to him.
-----------
Carmen, Alex Whitmer, and Kimberly Nguyen were sitting in a circle in the far corner of the tennis circle. An unlikely group, these three had met by chance and decided to stick together. Kimberly was the only one with an affective weapon, as she had been given a double barrel shotgun (you know, the kind that hicks always have on their laps as they sit outside on rocking chairs.) Carmen was armed with a can of beans, and Alex had been supplied with a board with nail in it (you know, the kind that the people of Springfield used to chase away the aliens in a Simpsons Halloween episode).
They had been sitting together for quite a while, and darkness had descended on the school grounds. A cold wind swept through the tennis courts, making the net sway back and forth. The girls, now regretting that they had chosen a hiding place outside, shivered under the cloudy sky.
Kimberly had been set on watch while the other girls slept. Her eyes were drooping and her shotgun was slipping to the floor when she heard a sound nearby. Instantly she was wide awake and alert. She nudged her companions and all three of them waited silently. A dark silhouette materialized from the shadows, and a creature of strange proportions began approaching them. As it neared, it soon became apparent what it was...
�What the hell?� Kimberly exclaimed, for before her eyes a care bear was skipping towards them, arms outstretched as if asking for a hug.
�OMIGOSH IT'S A CARE BEAR!� Carmen squealed with glee.
�ITS MY FAVORITE ONE, THE ONE WITH THE RAINBOW!� squealed Alex. In unison, Alex and Carmen sprang to their feet and rushed towards the care bear, arms itching to hug its large plush stomach.
Kimberly was about to go with them when she noticed something very odd- the care bear had a blow dart set concealed behind its back. This could only mean one thing....
�GET DOWN!� Kimberly yelled, and raising her shotgun she unloaded both barrels into the care bear's smiling, happy face. twin holes were blown directly through where the eyes were moments before, and the care bear fell backwards and remained motionless.
Alex and Carmen stopped and turned to face Kimberly, their faces white with shock. Carmen suddenly burst into tears, falling to knees and wailing �NOOOOO! MR. CARE BEAR! KIMBERLY, HOW COULD YOU!!!???�
Alex took a different approach. Her brows lowered and teeth bared, and she snarled �You... You bitch! I�ll... I�ll kill you!� With that, she rushed at Kimberly, wooden plank raised high.
Kimberly, temporarily stunned by Alex�s foolishness, tried to reason with her. �Wait, Alex, that wasn�t a care bear, it was trying to kill us!� Seeing that there was no getting through to her, Kimberly attempted to reload her shotgun too late. As she slipped the second shell in and tried to raise her weapon, Alex let loose a berserk howl and drove the nail into Kimberly's hand. Gasping in pain, Kimberly barely managed to duck Alex�s next swing. She raised her shotgun to parry the third strike, and then drove the butt of the gun deep into Alex�s stomach.
Calmly pointing her shotgun at Alex�s head with her free hand, Kimberly pulled the trigger... and nothing happened. Kimberly barely had time to register that somehow the safety had been flipped on, when Alex lashed out with both feet, slamming into Kimberly�s shins.
Kimberly heard something crack and fell to the ground with a dull thud. Her hands fumbled with the safety switch, and Alex rose before her as if in slow motion. �This is for the care bear� Alex growled. With that she swung her board just as Kimberly found the safety and flipped it.
The board slammed itself into Kimberly�s head, driving the nail straight into her temple and killing her instantly. By reflex, however, her fingers pulled the trigger and both shells exploded into Alex�s torso. With an expression of shock Alex looked down at the gaping hole where her stomach should have been. Her knees gave way and she crumpled to the floor. As her eyes began to dim, Alex whispered �Care bear... I have... avenged... ...you!�
-----------
Narady slowly sat up and surveyed his surroundings. His plan had seemed perfect at the time... I mean, all girls love care bears, right? In fact, two of the girls had fallen for it and he could have dispatched them with poison darts easily, but somehow Kimberly had seen through his plot.
Had Kimberly aimed for the care bear�s chest, Narady would definitely have been killed. the bear was so large, however, that Narady�s head was actually at neck level. As it was, the shotgun blast had only barely grazed Narady�s scalp, and he had played dead in the hopes that the girls would leave.
Narady had never expected anything like this, though. Apparently he had underestimated the girl�s love for care bears, because in a berserk rage Alex had managed to take Kimberly down with her. Now there was only Carmen to take care of....
Narady slowly and carefully aimed his blow dart at Carmen�s back. She was still sobbing on the floor, lamenting Narady�s �death�. Selecting a dart labeled �instant death� Narady fired and the dart imbedded itself in Carmen�s neck. The poison worked remarkably, and Carmen had shuddered and ceased to breathe within moments of impact.
Getting to his feet, Narady surveyed his work with satisfaction. He felt so proud and manly... I mean, in one hour he had been the cause three innocent girl�s deaths! No matter that two of them killed each other... or the fact that the other one was completely helpless... Those facts could be smoothed over once he won the game.
Narady chuckled to himself as he set out towards the cafeteria and planned his next move. After all, there was more than one use for poison...
-----------
Alan was pissed off. He had been beaten by his rival and arch nemesis Johnny Nguyen. He was somewhat satisfied that Johnny would never have any children, but that didn�t really matter because Alan was planning on winning this game.
After Alan climbed back onto the locker room roof (How�d he get there? Who the hell cares?) he found his tennis ball machine sloppily dismantled. Rage boiled up inside him. He screamed into the night air �Damn you, Johnny! Next time I see you�re going to get powned!�
Off in the distance, Donald�s voice could be heard faintly yelling �It�s pwned, not powned, you fool!�
�What?� Alan said. �Screw you! I�m too Leet to say powned!�
Donald�s voice could be heard yelling back �It�s 1337, not leet, and pwned, not powned! Get it right, white boy!�
�AAARRG!� Alan yelled, and he shook his fist in Donald�s general direction. �How can you even tell how I spell things when I�m saying them out loud???�
Not waiting for an answer, Alan gathered up the components of his tennis ball machine and descended into the locker room. Even with his incredible scientist skills, it took him over an hour to reassemble the machine and get it in working order. Alan then decided to enter the 300 building... after all, now that Johnny knew of his hiding place it was no longer safe here.
-----------
Chris Lam had discovered a tennis racket in the boy�s bathroom. It had been surrounded by spattered blood, and He shuddered to think of what had happened here. Now, armed with his favored weapon, Chris considered himself invincible.
As he made his way towards the cafeteria, Chris considered his lack of luck with previous weapons. In his pack was a stack of one hundred dollar bills... not that that would do him any good unless he won the game. In Ben�s pack there had been a case filled with an abundance of complicated components that, according to the instruction manual, would construct a �laser pistol�. However, It was way too complicated, and only a scientist would able to use something that cool anyway...
As he entered the cafeteria, intent upon getting something to eat, Chris froze as he spotted a figure on the other end of the large room. It was Alan. Chris, panicking, uttered abattle cry and charged forward, his tennis racket held at the ready.
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Alan, seeing Chris come straight at him, raised his tennis ball machine and opened fire. Three balls whizzed out in close succession, but Chris managed to smack all of the them and keep charging. Alan turned the speed switch to �expert level� and opened fire again. Chris had to come to a stop at this, but he managed to deflect most of them and even hit one back in Alan�s direction.
Alan had no choice. He set the speed to �ultra violent suicidal speeds. WARNING: Never use this, ever.� (Why do they have this setting if it�s never supposed to be used anyway?) Alan compressed the trigger. Tennis balls poured out of the nozzle at speeds exceeding 300 miles an hour. dozens of them came out every second and and pummeled every part of Chris�s body.
Chris never had a chance. His body covered in hundreds of bruises, his ribs containing multiple fractures, and his tennis racket ripped to shreds, he fell backwards into a giant vat of gruel and sank to the bottom. He hadn�t been killed outright, but he drowned in the cafeteria muck within seconds.
Alan heaved a sigh and surveyed the carnage. It would take an hour just to collect all of the tennis balls... But when Alan spied Chris�s packs and discovered their contents, he knew he wouldn�t need his tennis ball machine anymore. He settled down in a broom closet and began assembling the Apocalypse class laser pistol, knowing that once he had it in working order he would be invincible.
17 Students Remaining
Chapter 6.5
Charlene spontaneously combusted. Everyone was incredibly happy.
(Since nobody else wanted to share a chapter with Charlene, we shall proceed to Chapter 7.)
:: Student List::
:: Chapter 1 ::
:: Chapter 2 ::
:: Chapter 3 ::
:: Chapter 4 ::
:: Chapter 5 ::
:: Chapter 7 ::
:: Chapter 8 ::
Khang�s corpse was gruesome, but Narady forced himself to search it for weapons. When he found none, He looked in the rest of the storage shed and found nothing except a bloody, very large care bear.
Narady�s weapon was a blow dart set that was supplied with 25 darts and a variety of poisons they could be dipped in. One small beaker was labeled �instant death�, another was called �tranquilization�, and several more included �blindness� �paralyzation� and �Michael Jacksonator� which Narady assumed turned you into an ugly white person (like Alan). He shuddered to think of it, and promised himself he would only use this one as a last resort.
Because he was not yet accurate with his blow darts, and he had no idea whether other people were supplied with guns or not, Narady needed some way to get close enough to somebody to get a clear shot.
Surveying the shack in despair, Narady�s eyes fell once more upon the giant care bear. His eyes lit up as an idea suddenly came to him.
-----------
Carmen, Alex Whitmer, and Kimberly Nguyen were sitting in a circle in the far corner of the tennis circle. An unlikely group, these three had met by chance and decided to stick together. Kimberly was the only one with an affective weapon, as she had been given a double barrel shotgun (you know, the kind that hicks always have on their laps as they sit outside on rocking chairs.) Carmen was armed with a can of beans, and Alex had been supplied with a board with nail in it (you know, the kind that the people of Springfield used to chase away the aliens in a Simpsons Halloween episode).
They had been sitting together for quite a while, and darkness had descended on the school grounds. A cold wind swept through the tennis courts, making the net sway back and forth. The girls, now regretting that they had chosen a hiding place outside, shivered under the cloudy sky.
Kimberly had been set on watch while the other girls slept. Her eyes were drooping and her shotgun was slipping to the floor when she heard a sound nearby. Instantly she was wide awake and alert. She nudged her companions and all three of them waited silently. A dark silhouette materialized from the shadows, and a creature of strange proportions began approaching them. As it neared, it soon became apparent what it was...
�What the hell?� Kimberly exclaimed, for before her eyes a care bear was skipping towards them, arms outstretched as if asking for a hug.
�OMIGOSH IT'S A CARE BEAR!� Carmen squealed with glee.
�ITS MY FAVORITE ONE, THE ONE WITH THE RAINBOW!� squealed Alex. In unison, Alex and Carmen sprang to their feet and rushed towards the care bear, arms itching to hug its large plush stomach.
Kimberly was about to go with them when she noticed something very odd- the care bear had a blow dart set concealed behind its back. This could only mean one thing....
�GET DOWN!� Kimberly yelled, and raising her shotgun she unloaded both barrels into the care bear's smiling, happy face. twin holes were blown directly through where the eyes were moments before, and the care bear fell backwards and remained motionless.
Alex and Carmen stopped and turned to face Kimberly, their faces white with shock. Carmen suddenly burst into tears, falling to knees and wailing �NOOOOO! MR. CARE BEAR! KIMBERLY, HOW COULD YOU!!!???�
Alex took a different approach. Her brows lowered and teeth bared, and she snarled �You... You bitch! I�ll... I�ll kill you!� With that, she rushed at Kimberly, wooden plank raised high.
Kimberly, temporarily stunned by Alex�s foolishness, tried to reason with her. �Wait, Alex, that wasn�t a care bear, it was trying to kill us!� Seeing that there was no getting through to her, Kimberly attempted to reload her shotgun too late. As she slipped the second shell in and tried to raise her weapon, Alex let loose a berserk howl and drove the nail into Kimberly's hand. Gasping in pain, Kimberly barely managed to duck Alex�s next swing. She raised her shotgun to parry the third strike, and then drove the butt of the gun deep into Alex�s stomach.
Calmly pointing her shotgun at Alex�s head with her free hand, Kimberly pulled the trigger... and nothing happened. Kimberly barely had time to register that somehow the safety had been flipped on, when Alex lashed out with both feet, slamming into Kimberly�s shins.
Kimberly heard something crack and fell to the ground with a dull thud. Her hands fumbled with the safety switch, and Alex rose before her as if in slow motion. �This is for the care bear� Alex growled. With that she swung her board just as Kimberly found the safety and flipped it.
The board slammed itself into Kimberly�s head, driving the nail straight into her temple and killing her instantly. By reflex, however, her fingers pulled the trigger and both shells exploded into Alex�s torso. With an expression of shock Alex looked down at the gaping hole where her stomach should have been. Her knees gave way and she crumpled to the floor. As her eyes began to dim, Alex whispered �Care bear... I have... avenged... ...you!�
-----------
Narady slowly sat up and surveyed his surroundings. His plan had seemed perfect at the time... I mean, all girls love care bears, right? In fact, two of the girls had fallen for it and he could have dispatched them with poison darts easily, but somehow Kimberly had seen through his plot.
Had Kimberly aimed for the care bear�s chest, Narady would definitely have been killed. the bear was so large, however, that Narady�s head was actually at neck level. As it was, the shotgun blast had only barely grazed Narady�s scalp, and he had played dead in the hopes that the girls would leave.
Narady had never expected anything like this, though. Apparently he had underestimated the girl�s love for care bears, because in a berserk rage Alex had managed to take Kimberly down with her. Now there was only Carmen to take care of....
Narady slowly and carefully aimed his blow dart at Carmen�s back. She was still sobbing on the floor, lamenting Narady�s �death�. Selecting a dart labeled �instant death� Narady fired and the dart imbedded itself in Carmen�s neck. The poison worked remarkably, and Carmen had shuddered and ceased to breathe within moments of impact.
Getting to his feet, Narady surveyed his work with satisfaction. He felt so proud and manly... I mean, in one hour he had been the cause three innocent girl�s deaths! No matter that two of them killed each other... or the fact that the other one was completely helpless... Those facts could be smoothed over once he won the game.
Narady chuckled to himself as he set out towards the cafeteria and planned his next move. After all, there was more than one use for poison...
-----------
Alan was pissed off. He had been beaten by his rival and arch nemesis Johnny Nguyen. He was somewhat satisfied that Johnny would never have any children, but that didn�t really matter because Alan was planning on winning this game.
After Alan climbed back onto the locker room roof (How�d he get there? Who the hell cares?) he found his tennis ball machine sloppily dismantled. Rage boiled up inside him. He screamed into the night air �Damn you, Johnny! Next time I see you�re going to get powned!�
Off in the distance, Donald�s voice could be heard faintly yelling �It�s pwned, not powned, you fool!�
�What?� Alan said. �Screw you! I�m too Leet to say powned!�
Donald�s voice could be heard yelling back �It�s 1337, not leet, and pwned, not powned! Get it right, white boy!�
�AAARRG!� Alan yelled, and he shook his fist in Donald�s general direction. �How can you even tell how I spell things when I�m saying them out loud???�
Not waiting for an answer, Alan gathered up the components of his tennis ball machine and descended into the locker room. Even with his incredible scientist skills, it took him over an hour to reassemble the machine and get it in working order. Alan then decided to enter the 300 building... after all, now that Johnny knew of his hiding place it was no longer safe here.
-----------
Chris Lam had discovered a tennis racket in the boy�s bathroom. It had been surrounded by spattered blood, and He shuddered to think of what had happened here. Now, armed with his favored weapon, Chris considered himself invincible.
As he made his way towards the cafeteria, Chris considered his lack of luck with previous weapons. In his pack was a stack of one hundred dollar bills... not that that would do him any good unless he won the game. In Ben�s pack there had been a case filled with an abundance of complicated components that, according to the instruction manual, would construct a �laser pistol�. However, It was way too complicated, and only a scientist would able to use something that cool anyway...
As he entered the cafeteria, intent upon getting something to eat, Chris froze as he spotted a figure on the other end of the large room. It was Alan. Chris, panicking, uttered abattle cry and charged forward, his tennis racket held at the ready.
----------
Alan, seeing Chris come straight at him, raised his tennis ball machine and opened fire. Three balls whizzed out in close succession, but Chris managed to smack all of the them and keep charging. Alan turned the speed switch to �expert level� and opened fire again. Chris had to come to a stop at this, but he managed to deflect most of them and even hit one back in Alan�s direction.
Alan had no choice. He set the speed to �ultra violent suicidal speeds. WARNING: Never use this, ever.� (Why do they have this setting if it�s never supposed to be used anyway?) Alan compressed the trigger. Tennis balls poured out of the nozzle at speeds exceeding 300 miles an hour. dozens of them came out every second and and pummeled every part of Chris�s body.
Chris never had a chance. His body covered in hundreds of bruises, his ribs containing multiple fractures, and his tennis racket ripped to shreds, he fell backwards into a giant vat of gruel and sank to the bottom. He hadn�t been killed outright, but he drowned in the cafeteria muck within seconds.
Alan heaved a sigh and surveyed the carnage. It would take an hour just to collect all of the tennis balls... But when Alan spied Chris�s packs and discovered their contents, he knew he wouldn�t need his tennis ball machine anymore. He settled down in a broom closet and began assembling the Apocalypse class laser pistol, knowing that once he had it in working order he would be invincible.
17 Students Remaining
Chapter 6.5
Charlene spontaneously combusted. Everyone was incredibly happy.
(Since nobody else wanted to share a chapter with Charlene, we shall proceed to Chapter 7.)
:: Student List::
:: Chapter 1 ::
:: Chapter 2 ::
:: Chapter 3 ::
:: Chapter 4 ::
:: Chapter 5 ::
:: Chapter 7 ::
:: Chapter 8 ::