| Sex? Not right now Michael | Tossed Salad | Salads to Go | Agony Niece | Don't Bother Packing a Lipstick | What Ewe are U? | About Us | Contact Us |
| Sex? Not right now Michael | Tossed Salad | Salads to Go | Agony Niece | Don't Bother Packing a Lipstick | What Ewe are U? | About Us | Contact Us |
Target worthwhile goals instead of wasting time, and follow through. People are attracted to your up-front nature but it can soon pall. Try to compromise a little. Your disgusting temper will lead you to murder today. At least try to stop yourself hacking up the corpse and dissolving it in an acid bath as a crime of passion may be your only defence. Wear yellow.Return to the top
You can be a little passive, Taurus, but conversely, when dealing with strongly held beliefs you can be a little wearing and stubborn. Check up on your mental health fairly soon. If you find out that you are actually an alien from the planet Venus, don't let that throw you. It does mean you're a cannibal with a penchant for sado-masochism, but the hours are short.Return to the top
Well, as you know, you're the sign of the twins. With Mercury in dynamic Aries you are bouncing off the walls. Few people know this but all Geminis are actually born twins, if the twin is not manifest it is born as a ghost. At the conjunction of Pluto with Mars retrograde these ghosts become manifest and often intrude into your sex lives, playing fast and loose with your own loved ones. Best to forgive and forget.Return to the top
You're too sensitive for your own good. Stop snivelling and feeling sorry for yourself. If you can't be stopped from making the rest of us depressed for god's sake just stay in bed with a hot water bottle and gibber until early next week when the moon is in Uranus.Return to the top
King of the jungle, you are used to ruling over all you survey. You are going to suffer for lording it over the rest of us. Soon you will be deposed, imprisoned in a cage and slowly starved to death. The leopards will remain in power until deforestation is complete. Don't go anywhere without your umbrella.Return to the top
Virgo, Virgo, Virgo. You have really got to start living in the real world. You are fine with the nurture of your neurotic moggies, but there comes a time in each persons life when they have to give up childish ways, turn to embrace life and take the plunge. Virgo, you're 33, leave home, move in with your spouse and consummate that marriage.Return to the top
Airy-fairy Libra. Usually so creative and artistic. Feeling out of sorts? Its not surprising as I saw you hoovering down a greasy snack outside the kebab house late last night before you staggered home. Time to have a day off the grog and embrace a vegan diet! If you go shopping today beware of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.Return to the top
Recently you've been coming out of your secretive shell a little, ready to take a risk. Stop that negative thinking and get a decent hobby like football or crochet. Remember, although revenge is a dish best served cold. For a life change heat it up and get into arson. Avoid fish on Tuesday.Return to the top
Your ruling planet Jupiter is the biggest in our galaxy, however size does not always equal strength. Who ate all the pies, who ate all the pies... Get down to that gym and get those jowls jumping before you keel over when Mercury intersects with Jupiter.Return to the top
Try to embrace spontenaiety for a change, you can be a bit of an old stick-in-the-mud. Loosen up a little. Time to turn upon that stalker and eviscerate him with a mace. Don't stand for any nonsense from older members of the family either. Shady Pines retirement Home is only a short drive away.Return to the top
We all know Aquarian's are in a world of their own but there is a shuttle leaving for earth at 12 so be on it. You cannot avoid the necessities of life for ever and you're going to have to get your hands dirty for a change. The corpses under the floorboards are beginning to smell. Time for a springclean.Return to the top
You have been feeling rather low of late but now you will feel a new lease of life even though you'll lose all your money and your home too. Its time for getting back to neglected hobbies such as working for a living/crime and househunting. You also need stimulation, solitude and to explore your creative impulse: try onanistic collage.Return to the top
