My Tutor always looked horrified when focusing on my ghastly attempts at 'art', so I thought i'd save him any more nightmares in hell and pawn his glasses. Now he sleeps better, but walks into doors.

One such volunteer model from the LCP School of Graphics has decided that for the right amount of cash she would pose indefinitely, anywhere, anytime. Just the thing to brighten up one's living room.

I've abseiled down the LCP tower block many a time, trying to unscrew this London Institute street sign for my mantelpiece. If you bid enough cash I might give it another shot.