Jokes & Humor

This is my massive compilation of jokes and humorous material. Never fear, almost none of what you find here is actually my creation. Most of it comes from Joke of the Day and some have been passed along to me in my email. Enjoy!

ANIMALS & PETS
Bears in Bars
That Sly Chihuahua
Another Chihuahua Joke
Dirty Bird
Does Your Dog Own You?
Duck Hunting
Are They Really Cats?
Track Records
Why Got Created Dogs and Cats

ATTACK ON AMERICA (SEPT 11, 2001)
The Binch
If I Was George W Bush's Speach Writer

AUTOMOBILES
Accident
Accident Report
Attack of the Trees
Car Problems

BEER & OTHER ALCOHOL
Too Many Bars
What Will You Do For A Drink
Why Do You Feel Smarter After A Few Beers?

BLONDE JOKES
The Blonde Nun
The Lawyer & The Blonde

BULB JOKES: HOW MANY...DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?
Dogs
Usenet Subscribers
Email List Subscribers
Women on PMS

CHRISTMAS
4 Stages of Life
10 Reasons to Give a Domain Name for Christmas
20 Reasons Women Would Love to be Santa Claus
Christmas Carols for the Psychiatrically Challenged
Christmas Fruitcake Recipe
Conduct During the Holidays
Czar Rudolph
Physics of Santa
Politically Correct Holiday Greeting

COLLEGE & SCHOOL
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do If You've Both Got The Same College Major
Final Exam: Don't You Know Who I Am?
Final Exam: Philosophy
Twas the Night Before Finals
What the College Viewbooks Don't Tell You

COMPUTERS, THE INTERNET & MICROSOFT
10 Commandments of Email
Badtimes Virus Warning
Best Chain Letter Ever
Email Chain Letters: The Parody
Enter Napster
The Ultimate Chain Letter
What Does FAQ Stand For?
Ode to My Spell Checker
How to Tell if You're an Internet Addict & How to Get Help
If They Had Computers in 1776
Resolutions for Internet Junkies
Star Trek: The Final Regurgiation (a Windows vs Mac joke)
Work Virus
Yesterday: A Song Parody
God Deciedes to End the World
Microsoft and the Helicopter

COMPUTERS: THE Y2k BUG
Ballad of Y2k
Twas the Week After Christmas (a Y2k song parody)

DR. SEUSS PARODIES
Green Jets and Tuna (a New York Jets joke)
What If Dr. Seuss Wrote Technical Manuals?
Work

ELECTION 2000
Florida to be Removed
New Florida Slogans
Mets Contest World Series
Revocation of Independance (1st version)
Revocation of Independance (2nd version)
American Reply to the 2nd version of Revocation of Independance
God Overrules Supreme Court

FUNNY COLLECTIONS
Funny Answering Machine Messages
Comments on Airlines
Idiot Sightings, Vol. 1
Idiot Sightings, Vol. 2
Signs
Thoughts
More Thoughts
Even More Thoughts, in Poem Form
Wacky 911 Calls
Wierd Library Questions
Words of Wisdom from Steve Wright

GOVERNMENT, POLITICS & POLITICIANS
Busload of Politicians
What are Politics?
Government, Economics, & Cows
Clinton and the Parrot
The Clintons
Dear Abby
How Government Works
Money From God
Oil Shortages
The Pope and the Queen of England
The Priest and the Bus Driver
The Lucky Frog
Top Political Figures Give Their Opinion on the Eternal Question: Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Presidential Coincidences - Criminal

LAWYERS
Holy Refund
Strange Lawyers
Misc Lawyer Jokes

LISTS
5 Reasons Why Computers Must Be Male & 6 Reasons Why They Must Be Female
8 Reasons Pumpkins are Better Than Men
8 Ways to Make Life Simpler
10 Reasons All Sports Should Be Like Pro Wrestling
10 Reasons Why Dogs Don't Use Computers
10 Signs You've Eaten Too Much
10 Things to Say if Caught Sleeping at Your Work Desk
10 Times the F-word has been Appropriate
10 Truths Adults Have Learned
10 Ways to Know if You've Had Too Much Coffee
12 Rules for Writers
12 Things Not to Say to Cops
14 Rules for Buying Gifts for Guys
14 Things That Take Years to Learn
15 Differances Between Boys and Girls
15 Things Never to Say When Arguing With A Woman
15 Tech Support Truisms
15 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate
16 Steps to Build A Campfire
19 Fun Things to do at Work
19 Shortest Books
20 Things to Remember as a Dog
23 Things to Do in an Elevator
24 Best Newspaper Headlines
24 Rules of Lying
30 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy
35 Fun Things to do While Driving
40 Things A Southerner Will Never Say
50 Ways to Scare People in a Computer Room
51 Reasons to Hate Hollywood Hulk Hogan
85 Rules for Being A Man
100 Reasons Its Great to Be a Guy (and 10 Reasons Why It Sucks)

MILITARY
GI Insurance
No Room at the Inn (a Navy & Air Force joke)
Why Men in the Military Marry Foreign Wives
US Navy vs Canada

POLICE & LAW ENFORCEMENT
Fishing
The FBI Tries to Order A Pizza
Prison vs Work
School Teacher
Top Crime Fighters: FBI, CIA, or the Chicago Police

RELIGION
The 10 Commandments in Ebonics
The Aetheist and The Loch Ness Monster
The Aetheist and The Shark
Catholic Dictionary
Church Golf
Church Signs
The Preacher and Acts of God
Strange Similiarities Between Jesus and Elvis
Properties of Hell
Religious Bras
Scientists vs God
Three Guys Die in a Car Crash and Go To Heaven...
Walking on Water

SENIOR CITIZENS
What I Have
Senior Citizens

SEX
Blowjob
The Alligator

SPORTS & RECREATION
The Big Game
Marv Levy Goes to Heaven (aka The Real Reason the Bills Never Won A Super Bowl)
MAD Magazine's Wrestling by the Numbers
The Best Miami Dolphins Joke Ever
The Cowboys Fan
Ski Season Preporations

WORK & BUSINESS
All's Fair in Business!
Experiance
The Big Fishing Sale
Fine Work
Shoe Sales
Tips for Managers & Bosses
The Truth About Being Overworked
Way of Life

YOU KNOW/MIGHT BE A...
You know you work in Corporate America if...
You might be an engineer if...
You know you watch to much pro wrestling if...
You know you drink too much coffee when...
You Know You're In Trouble When...
Would You Like to Join...

MISC JOKES
Back from the Grave?
Proof that Barney is Evil
The Best Type of Patient
Black Boxes
Bread is Dangerous
Bunjee Jumping in Mexico
Canadians in Hell
The Captain's Safe
Carjacking Foiled
Clowning Around
Country vs Rock
Conversions Made Easy
Dental Work
Detriot
Don't Give Up
Do You Know Me
Earthquake Safety
Family Ties
Famous People Interview for A Job
Three Scientists and a Gym Class
Hallmark Rejects
Halloween Jokes
Honeymoons
How to Survive A Horror Movie
The Cure for Insomnia
Kids
The National Poetry Contest
The Outhouse on the Hill
The Power of Shit
The Sheppard and The Yuppie
Sherlock Holmes
Signs Found in Kitchens
The Man Taking Up Three Seats
Things Only A Mom Can Teach
The Tongue Twister
USA vs Japan - The Boat Race
Wedding Colors
Why Is Man the Dominant Species?
You've Had A Bad Day But...
Hangover Ratings
Only In America
Big John
Fortune Teller
Latex Goods
Viagra Coffee
Birthday Belief Systems
Cherry Brandy
Different Kinds of Stupid
Interesting Cities
Signs Seen
Heart Transplant
Gossip
Three Little Pigs