'TWAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS

'TWAS THE WEEK AFTER CHRISTMAS
AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE
NOT ONE PC WAS WORKING
NOT EVEN A MOUSE.

I TURNED ON THE POWER
BUT NOTHING WAS WORKING
I GRAB THE COMPUTER
AND START BANGING AND JERKING.

I LAID OUT THREE GRAND
OR THIS BIG PIECE OF JUNK
ON JANUARY 1ST
THE DAMN THING WENT KERPLUNK!

WHEN I THREW IT OUT THE WINDOW
IT MADE SUCH A CLATTER
MY NEIGHBOR JUST CALLED
TO SEE WHAT'S THE MATTER.

I TURNED ON THE TV
THE CABLE IS DOWN
AND MY MICROWAVE OVEN
IS MAKING WEIRD SOUNDS.

MY NEW VCR
IS AS DEAD AS A ROCK
NOT ONE LIGHT IS BLINKING
NOT EVEN THE CLOCK.

IT'S TWENTY BELOW
THE PEAK OF SNOW SEASON
THE FURNACE WON'T WORK
THE PIPES ARE ALL FREEZING

THIS COULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED
AT A WORSE TIME
I THINK I HAVE FROSTBITE
ON MY BEHIND.

I LAUGHED FOR A SECOND
AND THOUGHT IT ALL FUNNY
THEN A CALL FROM MY BANK
IN REGARDS TO MY MONEY.

"WE MANAGED YOUR PENSION
 AND SAVINGS WITH CARE
 BUT FOR SOME ODD REASON
 YOUR MONEY'S NOT THERE

 WE WERE Y2K READY
 WE'D THOUGHT WE'D BE HEROES
 BUT REGRET TO INFORM YOU
 YOUR BALANCE IS ZERO!"

I DROP THE RECEIVER
TO THE BATHROOM I RUSH
I PUSH DOWN THE HANDLE
THE TOILET WON'T FLUSH.

I TURNED ON THE FAUCET
NOT ONE DROP HITS THE SINK
I HEAD OUT THE DOOR
TO THE PUB FOR A DRINK.

I JUMP IN THE CAR
TURN THE KEY IN THE SWITCH
IT ONLY GOES "CLICK"
I SCREAM, "SON OF A B*TCH!"

A COMPUTERIZED IGNITION
HAS JUST SEALED MY FATE
NOT SET UP
FOR THE 2000 DATE.

I TWITCH LIKE A MADMAN
THIS CANNOT BE TRUE
NO CAR, HEAT, OR MONEY
WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO?

SHOUTING OBSCENITIES
AS I RAN OUT OF SIGHT
"HAPPY Y2K!" TO ALL
IT'S BEEN ONE HELL OF A NIGHT!