Since the beginning of humankind men have had to endure relationships.  And since those early days men have also had to endure the pain and humiliation of begging for sex.  And sometimes, when the begging becomes too difficult or the sex just isn't worth it anymore, the relationship has to end.  And that's the part of the relationship we're going to examine here: The end.

When examining relationships it's important to understand that one set of rules does not apply equally to both sexes.  If you want your breakup to go smoothly and have the desired result you must not apply the Golden Rule;  that is, do not do unto others what you would like them to do to you.  Let me explain.

When a woman is planning on breaking up with a man, the single most important thing she must do is have is a reason.  If there is no reason for the break up then there is no break-up in the mind of the man, and things will go badly.  This is quite often the big mistake that women make - they go headlong into the break-up with no reason.  Also, it is important that the reason be one that a man can understand.  Some reasons that women feel are pefectly valid are often interpreted as "no reason at all" by men, leading to discussions, arguments, and repeatedly falling back in bed together every time either of them gets drunk.  Some examples of potentially confusing reasons:
 

• "I just don’t feel this relationship is going anywhere."
• "We’re just two different people."
• "We don’t connect emotionally"
• "Things aren’t working out."
• "We just weren’t meant for each other."

While a man may pretend to understand these reasons, deep down he's looking for something more substantial, more concrete - and he'll keep digging for it till he gets it:  Was the sex bad?  Have you become a lesbian?  Are you screwing his best friend?

So now that we've discussed what not to do, what is the right way to break up with a man?  Do the following:  Tell him you're seeing someone else. You are having sex with this new person.  Tell him the sex is better.  Tell him you like this new person better and that you are never, ever coming back to him.  It may sound harsh but believe me this is just what he needs to hear.  This is something real and tangible he can wrap his hands around and squeeze until all of the rage and pain and anger has left his body.  Then he can move on and your mission is accomplished.

But there are dangers.  Don’t ever let him find out you left him for nobody.  It’s better that he thinks you cheated on him, because as sure as I am that Puff Daddy killed Notorious B.I.G., a man will never understand being dumped for nobody.

Now the biggest mistake a man can make when breaking up with a woman has a name, and that name is Honesty.  Only on rare occasions will men break up for no reason.  Most of the time it’s because they’ve found someone else.  Honesty is not always the best policy and if you’re cheating this is definitely true.  But don’t bother to lie either.  Women will see right through this and things will be a hundred times worse because you tried to get away with it.  So if you can’t be honest or dishonest what can you do?  My only advice is to become so unbelievably intolerable as a boyfriend that she decides to break up with you.  This also has a name:  A Win-Win Situation.
 
 

Copyright 2000 The Upper Canada Chronicle