As those of you living in Upper Canada already know, Ontario Finance Minister Ernie Eves has just released his budget which included, among other things, a rebate of up to $200 for every person who filed a personal income tax return this year.  The cheques should be arriving in September.  Here are some fun things to do with all that dough!

10.  Get your hair cut every day for a week.

9.  Find a kid who is picked on mercilessly at school and buy him a trenchcoat.  Watch the hilarity that ensues.

8.  Finally try some of that brand name Kraft Dinner.

7.  Buy a tank of gas.

6.  Buy enough newspapers to completely cover all the floors in your house.  No more running to the can between whistles!

5.  Cash your cheque completely into loonies and fill every pocket you have with them until you can barely stand.  When a bum on the street asks you if you have any change, politely say "I'm sorry, this is Tory money, we aren't allowed to give it to the homeless" and jingle away, moaning under the weight.

4.  Give a silent prayer asking for x-ray vision in return for your $200, then send it to the Pope.  If you can't see through stuff after a couple of weeks sue the Catholic Church for breach of contract.

3.  Buy a pet chameleon and let it loose in your house.  Spend the next six months looking for it.

2.  Make prank overseas phone calls.  It's especially fun if they can't speak English.

1.  Blow it on crack and whores.
 

 
 

Copyright 2000 The Upper Canada Chronicle