New Goatending Theories Advanced

Hockey is a constantly evolving sport, and the art of goaltending is no different.  Since that fateful day when Jacques Plantes first wore a face mask goaltenders have been working tirelessly to improve their techniques, skills, and equipment.  Below are a couple of innovative techniques currently being used by a pair of sports pioneers.

Curtis Joseph, goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs, is quite partial to the "Make Yourself Big To Scare Off Intruders" technique which he developed.  "I got the idea after watching a Discovery Channel special on bears.  When they are threatened they stand on their hind legs to make themselves look bigger.  My cat does something similar when she arches her back and hisses."  Joseph uses this technique during odd man rushes and breakaways.  "By standing like this and screaming obscenities at the top of my lungs, the other team often becomes disoriented and intimidated.  Then I can slide into them, knocking the feet out from under them."

Ron Tugnutt has developed his own goaltending system.  "It's basically an existential technique," says Tugnutt.  "Am I really here?  Does the puck exist?  If the puck were to go in the net but no one was there to witness it, would it still be a goal?   These are some of the questions I'm trying to answer."  While Tugnutt feels he is more at one with the game since implementing this style, his teammates and coach are less impressed.  "He basically sucks," said one irate defenseman.
 
 


 
 

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