Domain

Explanation

What's doving?

• Attach is to connect, relate & couple together
• Whereas detach is the opposite - to disconnect, unrelate, uncouple & basically to sever all ties whether for good or bad
• Doving or De-loving follows the same pattern
• To Love is to have sustainable coupling of previously independent bio-physio-emotive centres
• Then Doving would be the uncoupling of this relationship (whether single- or dual-sided) in order to recover the independent original

Why doving?

• Like two sides of a coin, loving & doving come together bundled as twins - to forsake loving is doving, to forsake doving is loving
• The middle being complete strangers or complete wisdom
• In one of the four great Chinese classics, Romance of the Three Kingdoms <三國演義>, the famous starting phrase goes: "The world unifies from separation & separates from unification", "世界分久必合, 合久必分"
• The roots of doving stem from the diminishing, deterioration or removal of the roots of love
• Like a garden, if the plots are weeded, watered, fertilized, trimmed & taken care of, it would grow & flourish
• If not, the plants wither, weaken, deteriorate & eventually die if they are not capable of reaching homeostasis with the garden environment - weeds would then over-run the garden & replace the weak & environmentally-irrelevant plants
• As such, the roots of love and conversely, the roots of doving are not harmonizing with the changing environmental conditions - 3 aspects:
• Internal self: either one or both parties have mutated their own perception of lovingness towards the partner; noting the four attributes of emotions: perceptions, bio-chemicals enabled, inertia & propagation; any detrimental changes in any one of the four attributes would alter the chemistry of the internal self towards the other; in the harmonics of life, due to ever-changing nature of living harmonics, previously resonant emotive frequencies might have been shifted & the amplitude of pleasurable emotions has dropped, creating inertia to the previous loving excitation, giving rise to doving resonance
• Self-Self Decoupling: as loving entails coupling and sustainability, once the emotive dynamics are increasingly decoupled without resonance, the quality of coupling drops, deteriorating the roots of love; once quality drops, the quantity of coupling might increase temporarily for virtual gain in loving, but eventually would also decrease & diminish; hence sustainability would be lost and loving would not be complete; by the completeness Lemma, an incomplete entity would not last; thus self-destructive & implosive
• Environmental push-pull: the power & influence of the environment is almighty; as the Chinese saying goes, "時勢造英雄", "The environment makes the hero"; the birth & rise of a relationship depends in no small part on circumstances - the push away from the relationship & the pull towards other areas; once these push & pull forces are altered, diminished or even reversed, it would be a real litmus test to the loving relationship & a powerful ally to doving
• Taken together, not any single factor alone, the 3 aspects of internal, self-self & environmental push-pull would determine the evolution of the roots of the relationship
• Favourable: promotes lovingness
• Unfavourable: promotes doving

Any rescue?

• The world is not static, neither is the relationship
• "有志有心者事竟成": nothing stands in the way of those who have the will & the heart
• Hence, worldly events being dynamic yet flexible are open to changes especially by those who have the will & the heart to
• For these are the 3 seeds of action
• Awareness: To discover doving & recover loving, one has to be aware of the subtle shifts in the coupling relationship bio-physio-emotionally
• Reversal: carefully & honestly examine the 3 aspects of internal, self-self & environmental push-pull factors to close the loop of loving and decouple the loop of doving
• Motivation: again the heart has to point towards loving as motivation - promotes the four attributes of emotions to amplify the loving effects

If doving is a necessity?

• When doving becomes a necessity under the following:

1. The 3 aspects of internal, self-self & environmental push-pull are irreversibly towards the removal of the roots of love
2. The 3 seeds of action have thoroughly failed

• Under these circumstances, the best the parties can do is doving - as decoupling here in fact helps in the long run & averts unnecessary detriments or harm
• But, how many can walk away unscathed in doving?
• In other words, who can walk away from failure yet keeping the spirits high?
• Throughout history, we have been struggling with the issue of relationship & love
• Those events that strike us most deeply are also the most emotional ones & what is more emotional than love itself?
• Although struggles with doving relationship are common, not everyone can cope with the downs that come inevitably after the previous highs
• However, there is one thing we cannot deny - that doving can be coped with & people (though few) have been able to do it
• Then, the question is: How to overcome doving to face life challenges?
• The answer lies not far over the horizon, but right under our noses - "不是遠在天邊, 而是竟在眼前"
• It lies in the emotions
• If doving is the converse of loving, then putting down is the converse of picking up
• Look at the entire process from the origin to the conclusion of loving - one finds that the notion of love has been increasingly narrowed, specified, targeted towards & focused entirely on one entity - the love partner
• Yet through reconciliation & altering one's perceptual resistance, one discovers that the notion of love need not & clearly should not be restricted to one entity, especially when that party does not couple, reciprocate or indeed deserve sustainably
• Yes, living needs loving, but loving is not biased
• To recover from doving is no different from recovering from any setbacks in life, you stand up & move on
• Noting any phenomenon has a rise time, a peak & a decline, take heart for active maintenance during the rise & peak times of doving where any & all negative feelings would descend upon you
• Once past the peak <跨越巔峰>, take heart in active progress, soak yourself in the new harmonics of life, source for your new niche, steam into the future - the future is whatever you make of it for the best (Doc Brown, "Back to the Future III")
• Don't be afraid to look back … with a smile J