Final Fantasy VII

• "Blame Jenova"
  -- History
• "How to Write an Aeris Resurrection Fic"
       -Steps 1-3
       -Steps 4-6
       -Steps 7-8
       -Step 9
       -Steps 10-11
       -Steps 11-12
       -Step 13
       -Step 14
       -Step 15
       -Steps 16-18
       -Step 19
       -Steps 20-21
       -Step 22
       -Steps 23-25
  -- History
  -- Acknowledgements
  

• "Stealing Our Thunder"
  -- History

It was a beautiful morning in Costa del Sol. The weather was very warm, and the burning, scorching sun rose above the hillside, illuminating the town with its incandescent light. Cloud and Aeris were in the kitchen eating the breakfast that Jycei had cooked them and staring into each other's beautiful radiant eyes. Tifa (grr) had not come home yet because one of her clients was keeping her busy, if you know what I mean ;) (Isn't she such a whore? You guys may not have guessed, but I HATE her.) It was then that Jycellaemynthia, in her unyielding benevolent spirit, had an inspiration, and she decided to bring joy to the heart of her friends by tending the rose garden in the front lawn, which had developed within four days into a blossoming Eden as a result of our angel of light's nurturing.

"Hello, my children," she sang melodically to the flowers as she watered them. "How is your karma doing?" As if by magic, the tiny rose seedlings immediately sprouted two feet the moment they absorbed the cool, refreshing, and rejuvenating liquid. Jycei rejoiced, for she saw that her children's karmas were doing very well indeed.

"I hope you have slept well, dear...Oh..." The watering can fell from her limp hand. Jycei collapsed to the ground. She was shaking all over, and her normally rosy and radiant cheeks were pale.

She saw a horrible image...a tombstone...a hideous monster...a church festooned with delicate flowers...then two emerald eyes, burning with a ferocious desire and tenderness.

"I must go," she exclaimed. She stood up, her knees still a bit shaky from the traumatizing experience. "Someone needs my help!"

So up to now, you've been pretty good. You've mostly stuck to your initial storyline. You've had enough discipline to hold back your original character. You've also made some profound meditations on love and life, all while having used some of the best synonyms for "blue" that fanfiction.net has ever seen. But you're feeling a bit depressed. Valentine's Day has come and gone, and you still don't have a significant other.

Well, not to worry, because you now have a surefire method of relieving your sexual and romantic frustration at your disposal: you can write yourself a boyfriend! Just imagine; this boyfriend can have a perfect body, perfect teeth, perfect skin, perfect breath, a perfect fashion sense, and a perfect memory of dates, plus he has the exact same interests as you. You like Hilary Duff? He's her biggest fan. You hate her with a passion? He will own every single one of Slipknot's CDs. Someone so perfect must have perfect taste, after all. He can be the most handsome, brilliant (well, not too brilliant), and loving man that ever existed, yet even though he is totally out of your league, he will not reject you.

Now, if you really want, you could just create your imaginary love interest from scratch, and write an original short story featuring you and him/her, without subjecting Final Fantasy VII fans to your disturbing fantasies. However, that would be impractical, because first of all, you would have to come up with another original character, and you want to give your imagination a vacation. It is better for you to romance someone who already exists in your head fully-formed, someone whom you have always dreamt of meeting, but who only exists in fiction. Besides, you're too lazy to start another story, so since this entire fic is already an exercise in wish fulfillment, you might as well kill two birds with one stone. Of course, as I already told you, you are NOT allowed to write twenty-chapter story-arcs about your romantic interest...but hey, what's wrong with a little subplot?

But there are so many eligible bachelors in the cast of FF7. So how will you decide who to choose as Jycellaemynthia's One True Love? Here are some of your options for a potential love interest: (Again, this is going under the sexist assumption that you're female. If you're a heterosexual male writing an ARF, then make Jycellaemynthia the girlfriend of whichever male character has the same hair colour as you.)

Cloud

• Pros:
       -Almost every female character in the game, and some of the male ones, want to date him, a surefire sign that he is attractive.
       -He is a dark, complex, brooding mercenary with a past that makes no sense (translation: that is open to interpretation). What's not to love?
       -He was in the army, and had Jenova cells injected into him, so you know he's in top physical condition.
       -He has a cool-looking sword.
  
• Cons:
       -Was I not explicit enough when I said that he only cared about you in a platonic way?

Barret

• Pros:
       -He cares about the environment; what's not to like about a man who has a lot of social responsibility?
       -He has an adopted daughter, which means you can show off your love of small children by showering Marlene with gifts.
  
• Cons:
       -He's not "pretty"! He's too...bulky. You like your two-dimensional masses of polygons to be soft, delicate, sensitive flowers who are often mistaken for young girls.
       -Considering the fact that you're embroiled in a heated lawsuit with him, it would be awkward.

Vincent

• Pros:
       -He has long, dark hair, and he spends a lot of time in a coffin. Ergo, he's the dark, gothic, mysterious type.
       -He's tall, and he wears a cool cloak.
  
• Cons:
       -You don't like the dark, gothic, mysterious type. You like flowers, and rainbows, and unicorns.
       -You paired him up with Yuffie. You set yourself up.

Cloud

• Pros:
       -He has beautiful, glowing Mako eyes...
  
• Cons:
       -What part of "Aeris and Cloud have True Love" don't you understand?

Cid

• Pros:
       -He's kind of tall.
       -He can take you around the world on romantic trips in his Highwind.
       -He's recently quit his smoking habit.
  
• Cons:
       -He's married to Shera.
       -Like Barret, he's not pretty, and he looks twice his age.

Red XIII

• Pros:
       -He's very intelligent.
       -Like Jycellaemynthia, he is very connected to nature and the Planet.
       -You'd certainly be original.
  
• Cons:
       -Is it necessary for me to go into details of why that would just be wrong?

Reno

• Pros:
        -He has a bad-boy image.
       -That could be an interesting subplot: imagine, the power of Jycellaemynthia's love reforms him and makes him escape from Tifa's nefarious clutches!
  
• Cons:
       -He drinks and curses too much, and he's a chain-smoker, at least in fanfiction. Damn it, you want someone pretty!
       -Who would Tifa scheme with? Supermegultimacerylax? You're too lazy to change the plot.

Cloud

• Pros:
        -Please?
  
• Cons:
        -Give it up! You could have made this an Aeriseph, but no, you chose to write a Cloris fic; now face the consequences.

Cait Sith

• Pros:
        -Uh...he's huggable.
       -Reeve is not that bad looking, I suppose, not to mention that he's the mayor of Midgar.
  
• Cons:
       -Most circles frown upon relationships with inanimate objects as much as upon bestiality.
       -Reeve is a minor character. Minor characters do not exist. Unless they're Turks. Or hot.
  

Heidegger

• Pros:
       ...
  
• Cons:
       No. Just, no.

Rufus

• Pros:
       -He has an awesome death scene.
       -He has a cold heartless exterior, which the most obvious sign that deep down inside, he has a heart of gold.
       -His father is a jerk, so you can blame all of his actions on his rough childhood.
  
• Cons:
       -He's evil.
       -He's dead...not that that really matters.

Sephiroth

• Pros:
       -Like Jycellaemynthia, he is an omnipotent demi-god. The two of them would have lots to talk about.
       -He has a sword that's almost as cool as Cloud's.
       -He has silver hair. Come on, he's practically a Gary-Stu already!
       -Like Rufus, he has a tragic past, which means you have a loophole to justify all of his crimes and explain what someone as pure as Jycei could see in him.
  
• Cons:
       -He is even more evil than Rufus.
       -He is just as dead as Rufus.
       -He acts like a wimp in his death-scene.
       -Worst of all...He's the one who murdered Aeris! If it weren't for him, you wouldn't have had to write this story in the first place. Think of all the bad poetry you could have written, all of the creative names for Mary-Sues you could have invented, all the assignments you could have handed in on time. He forced you to do everything, so you can never, ever forgive him.

When you eliminate all of the characters who are either in a relationship with someone, or who are dead, or who are suing you, or who aren't pretty, or who aren't human, you're left with...well, forget about that. You've already managed one resurrection. Since it seems like Prudence is a Cloud fangirl, she needs someone who's the next best thing: someone with just as tormented a past, with just as freaky eyes, with just as cool hair and just as cool a sword, with just as fragile an ego and as sensitive a soul...well, you can work on that last part. Clearly, you have one option.

Jycellaemynthia Crystalwind put her watering can aside, and turned to Chip-Chip and Bluebells, who looked up at her with sad eyes.

"Sorry, guys," she whispered. "But someone needs me." Her animal friends all whimpered, for they did not want to part with her. It broke poor Jycei's heart, but no, she had to be strong!

"I can't let you all come with me, because it would be too dangerous. But don't worry, I'll be back with a new friend for you all!"

She began to walk away, when almost as an afterthought, she bent down and picked a white rose that she had planted, the most exquisite blossom in the entire garden...it was almost as if she could hear its spirit call out to her, as if this delicate flower had a secret magic concealed within its soft pearl-hued petals. Then she went inside the house to prepare herself for the grueling ordeal that lay before her. She put on a methodical, egregious trenchoat and a pair of profound hiking boots(only one person will get this), packed a travelling bag full of beauty supplies, and walked out the door.

She did not know the whole meaning of her premonition, but she knew one thing; she must head to the North Crater immediately.

Next Part: The token scene featuring a minor character, more flower power, and the midterm exam.

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~Evil Mina