Final Fantasy VII

• "Blame Jenova"
  -- History
• "How to Write an Aeris Resurrection Fic"
       -Steps 1-3
       -Steps 4-6
       -Steps 7-8
       -Step 9
       -Steps 10-11
       -Steps 11-12
       -Step 13
       -Step 14
       -Step 15
       -Steps 16-18
       -Step 19
       -Steps 20-21
       -Step 22
       -Steps 23-25
  -- History
  -- Acknowledgements
  

• "Stealing Our Thunder"
  -- History

Now Jycellaemynthia could have taken the plot hole to travel to the North Crater, but Elena borrowed it a few chapters ago to get to the hospital to be treated for her severe parakeet-induced injuries. So why don't we give some of the other characters something to do, and recruit Cid to take Jycei in the Highwind to her destination?

By the way, while we're at it, here's a rule of thumb for you: instead of just focussing on the Cloud/Aeris/Jycellaemynthia trio, with occasional smatterings of Tifa and Yuffentine, try to feature one non-romantic scene involving the playable characters you don't especially like every five chapters. Not only will this give people the illusion that you care about something in the Final Fantasy VII universe besides ogling Cloud's polygons, you are also broadening the scope of your fic from that of a mere melodrama to that of an epic. Size is what makes an epic, after all, so a bigger cast naturally means that your fic is more entertaining. However, since you want to limit how much you expose your poor readers to unattractive characters, I recommend that you reduce these characters to one-dimensional caricatures of their in-game selves. Just in case you still annoy your fan base with all the non-romantic scenes, make sure you also write an author's note whining about how much you hate this chapter and how you "can't wait to get to the shippiness".

Aboard the Highwind, a magnificent vessel of aeronautical prowess soaring through the polemic and assiduous skies, Jycellaemynthia stood on the deck, her long ochre hair fluttering in the sibilant and nihilistic wind. She marvelled at the majestic beauty of the universe. Flying brought back parsimonious memories...buried secrets that she did not want to uncover...

"So, young lady," said Cid gruffly. "How do you like &#&#ing riding in this &#&# airship?"
Since you are posting this on fanfiction.net, and the noble administrators of that site have wisely decided that asterisks are the devil and that ASCII characters are a form of spamming, you must resort to using the same symbols over and over again to denote profanity that would risk your PG rating.

"Oh, I love it!" exclaimed Jycei androgynously. "I've never felt so alive. It must be wonderful to know how to fly an airship."
"Heh, well you &#&# know, I always dreamed of riding my own &#&# airship when I was a &#&#ing boy, so this is my &#&#ing dream come true, &#&#."

"Really," uttered Jycei thoughtfully, whilst she mused on how heart-warming it was that a man of Cid Highwind's age could finally accomplish his lifelong ambition. She felt a wave of admiration for the man. Why, she felt a wave of admiration for all the former members of Avalanche, and for their heroism. Jycellaemynthia had such a pure and generous soul that she could not help but love everyone, and she was so profoundly modest that she could not recognize how much her own heroism surpassed even theirs.

"I am dazzled by your courage and your determination," stated Jycellaemynthia emphatically, her maroon irises so full of warmth that they could have melted the most imposing iceberg in the northern sea. "If only someone would repay you all for how you saved the Planet from ruin."
Cid blushed, his cheeks turning a ferocious crimson.
"Well, you know, I've &#&#ing spoken to that &#&# Reeve a bit, and he &#&# said that all of &#&# Midgar is so &#&#ing thankful for all we've &#&#ing done that they're planning a huge &#&#ing festival to honour us &#&#s. &#&#, I heard there will &#&#ing even be a &#&#ing parade."
That is what you call foreshadowing.

Now we could continue this conversation some more, but that would involve developing peripheral characters. No one cares about Cid, so why should you? Cut to Jycellaemynthia at the North Crater, which has suddenly transformed from a huge and ominous final dungeon to a hole ten feet wide.

By the way, you won't need to worry about this for a while, but just a reminder: like Steps 9 and 12, Step 16 can be repeated more than once. If you ever need filler between two plot events to make your fic longer, just throw in a random scene with Red XIII and Cait Sith playing poker, and you'll be fine.

So now that you are at the North Crater, you need to think of a way to revive your mysterious new love interest, whose identity has not been guessed by anyone because it is so mysterious. Let's look at your options:

a) Have him pop out of the crater and say...

Oh, screw this. You're a busy woman, and you want your Sephiroth now. Hey, if it worked last time...

Jycellaemynthia kneeled down at the mouth of the crater and suddenly felt a wave of divine intuition run through her sensitive soul like a wave through a soul. She knew exactly what to do (for only boring and stupid people trust their logic and common sense over their divine intuition). She listened, finely in tune with the cries of the planet, and sensed the life energy of a delicate, insignificant soul clamour to be heard. Why, it was the voice of the flower, crying out to her in Cetra language, whispering its humble plea: "Release me. Lower me into the pits of the abyss, where the heart of the Lifestream beats. Return my Mako energy to one trapped in the flux who needs it more."

Jycellaemynthia was more than happy to oblige the pearl-hued flora. She ever so gently opened her soft pale hand, and let the rose fall into the lake...I mean, crater.

All of a sudden, there arose a tumultuous rumble from the depths of the crater. Lightning flashed, thunder struck, an earthquake occurred, then great balls of fire began falling from the sky, then a tsunami flooded over the entire North Continent...and then all was peaceful.

A hand reached up from inside the crater. Jycellaemynthia leaned over and helped the figure out. She pulled, grasping his shoulder--what a warm and tender shoulder, Jycei thought to herself, with such surprisingly soft skin. He was heavy, but Jycei managed to hoist him up with only one hand. In fact, she was so eager to help that she forgot about her super-strength, and accidentally catapulted the man about five feet backwards. The airborne stranger landed rather unceremoniously in a colossal snow bank.

The mysterious man stood up, drawing himself to his full height of over six feet, and dusted off his black armour. He scowled, his magnetic presence taking Jycei's breath away. Then he walked ever so solemnly to the crater, reached down, and pulled out a long thin sword, its blade clear and unbroken in spite of the year it had spent at the bottom of a crater.

He glowered at Jycellaemynthia, his jade-green eyes flashing malevolently. Then a small, cruel smile played upon his lips.

"Mother, I've emerged from the Lifestream," he whispered, his voice ominous and dark. "Now it's time to finish the task I set out to do a year ago!"

Sephiroth was back.

You know what? You've been following this so well that you're getting the hang of it by yourself. Now any halfway decent fangirl should know by instinct just how to rationalize away all the crimes of a tragic and tormented villain, and just what it is we see in Sephiroth that makes us feel compassion for him and overlook his faults. So why don't we test whether you've been paying attention so far, and see how well you can write the dramatic, sexually-charged first encounter between the two lovers?

~~~

Midterm Exam
How Well Do You Write For Sephiroth?

Highlight the text between the double asterisks below each question to check your answer.

~~~

**Answer: C

For a second, the dark and chiselled man with the long quicksilver hair burned his gaze into Jycei's puce eyes with astounding ferocity, and it appeared as if his terrible ire would destroy poor sweet Jycei's delicate self.
But Jycellaemynthia did not flinch. No, she stared back into those passionate emerald pools, and sensed something...a kindred spirit, perhaps? And she knew how to relieve his sadness.
"Oh, you poor man!" she gasped, and ran up to Sephiroth, locking him in a tender embrace. "It wasn't your fault! How you must have suffered, all these years with your remorse."

Give yourself 0 points for B, 1 for A, and 3 for C.**

~~~

2-Now how do you think he'll react to a total stranger hugging him?

a) Glare at you, and tell you not to touch him unless you want your head to be severed from your body.
b) Set you on fire.
c) Start to cry.

**Answer: C

The man with the piercing sapphire orbs ("Sapphires are green, aren't they?" you ask yourself, then decide you don't care) gave Jycei an odd look. Unable to understand what was going on, he frowned at the ravishing creature with the soft flushed cheeks, red-tinged lips, ruby eyes and long golden hair who had wrapped her arms around him.
Then all of the sudden, he was aware of what he had done. It hit him like the tidal wave that had just ravaged the North Continent two minutes ago. He remembered all of the innocents he had slain, all of the kind faces he would see no more, and began to weep.
"N-n-no one has...*sniff*....ever hugged me...*sniff*...before! This is the first...*sniff*...time in my liiiiiiiffffffe!" He let out a wail.
"There, there," whispered Jycei soothingly, and patted him on the back. "It wasn't your fault."

Give yourself 0 points for B, 1 for A, and 3 for C.**

~~~

For a second, it looked as if Sephiroth, enchanted by Jycellaemynthia's swirling and sparkling cerulean pools full of kindness and her soft cheeks now lined by tears of her own, shimmering aqua tears of sympathy and of joy, wanted to stretch out his hand and caress her sweet face, but then he drew back.
"No," he cried. "It's too late for me. My hands...are unclean. They're unworthy of touching you. I murdered Aeris. I burnt down Nibelheim. I manipulated a friend of mine, and made him uncertain of his fragile identity. I killed Tseng. I tried to summon Meteor to destroy the Planet. I killed so many innocent Wutai-anese during the war. I slaughtered a dragon during Cloud's flashback in Disc One. I didn't buy Lucrecia a birthday present. Oh, I'm a monster!" He burst into tears once more, his muscular, powerful body racked by sobs anew, and his long, illustrious, and living silver hair flowing down in a tangled mess down his back.

~~~

3-So why did he murder Aeris, burn down Nibelheim, mess with Cloud's mind, kill Tseng, summon Meteor, fight in Wutai, wipe out half of the monsters on Mount Nibel, and forget to buy his mother a birthday present?
a) Because wanton destruction had sounded like a lot of fun at the time.
b) Because he had a few screws loose.
c) Because he had a huge ego, and wanted to be God.
d) Because Jenova was controlling his every action the whole time, although Sephiroth had tried hard to resist her.
e) Because he was trying to repress the horrible memories of his youth, when he had been repeatedly tortured/mutilated/subjected to horrible experiments/raped by Hojo.
f) Because all the other kids had picked on him for being unique.
g) Because of his unrequited love for Cloud, Zack, or Aeris.

**Answer: Call this a bonus; D, E, and F are all good, preferably a combination of the three. Normally, G would work too, but Aeris is taken, and you find slash "icky", as do most of your sixth-grade readers, so that's a no-go for this fic. D is your best bet because unlike the other options, which are okay if you're writing an angst fic, you can totally free Sephiroth from any responsibility or guilt for his actions.

"Don't be silly," said Jycellaemynthia in a soothing voice. "Of course you're not a monster. My one-winged angel...you were just being used by Jenova all this time."
"Oh, it was horrible! She brainwashed me and manipulated me into doing her bidding. She controlled me with the Jenova cells in my body, using her evil virus powers to bend my will. She would lie to me and convince me that she was the only one in the world who cared about me. And I was an easy target; I felt so vulnerable because of how often Hojo had beaten me, subjected me to horrible experiments to test my endurance, and sexually abused me. When I was growing up, all of the other kids, and later on the other men in SOLDIER, picked on me because they were jealous of my power. And Zack never noticed me, because he saw me as too aloof, as much as I wanted to form a platonic and heterosexual relationship with him. Oh, no one but Jenova has ever loved me! I used to cry myself to sleep every night."
He sobbed even harder, now blowing his nose on the sleeve of Jycellaemynthia's trench coat.

Give yourself 0 points for A and C, 1 for B, 2 for G, 3 for E and F, and 4 for D.**

~~~

4-So now that poor Sephiroth is sobbing hysterically, what do you say to console him?
a) "You jerk, why did you do it? Why did you kill all those people?"
b) "So...what time is it?"
c) "Let me see if I can find it in my heart to forgive you."
d) "I forgive you wholeheartedly."
e) "I feel as if we're meant to be."
f) Sometimes, a knife in the gut is better than words.

**Answer: E (although D is acceptable, if you're mediocre, and too cowardly to portray a passionate and intimate relationship between two characters because you can't deal with true love at first sight)

"You know, Sephiroth," whispered Jycellaemynthia ecclesiastically, "I know we've just met, but...I feel as if we're meant to be."
Sephiroth raised his head that was buried in Jycei's arms, drying his melancholy eyes which looked up at her so piteously.
"O beauteous and fair young lady, you may be right. I've never met you before, and yet...you provoke unusual feelings in me. Feelings of...tenderness, of warmth. Can it be that I am experiencing that emotion that ordinary humans speak of, that feeling called 'love'?" But he turned away in sadness. "But my heavy heart stands in the way of my emotions."

Give yourself 0 points for F, 1 for A and B, 2 for C, 4 for D, and 6 for E.**

~~~

"Do not blame yourself too much," supplicated Jycellaemynthia. "But come, let us not worry too much about the past. We are at the dawn of a new future, Sephiroth."
"You're absolutely right," cried Sephiroth. "I'm a new man! Yes, it is clear that we are meant to be, you ravishing enchanted goddess, you...what did you say your name was, by the way?"
"Jycellaemynthia Tinfania Crystalwind," she uttered breathlessly.
"Ah...what a beautiful and unusual name. Yes, you may be my salvation." He smiled. The smile was kindly and warm--how wonderful it was to see such an untroubled expression on Sephiroth's face, Jycei mused.
"You can call me Jycei," she stated. Sephiroth was enchanted by the young woman's spunky nickname, which clearly demonstrated her abundance of personality and lack of pretension.
"And me Sephy," quipped Sephy.
"Why don't you come with me and meet my friends? But first of all, perhaps we should get to know each other more fully. What is your favourite colour?"

~~~

5-So what is his favourite colour?
a) Blue
b) Black
c) Red
d) Pink
e) Silver
f) Yellow

**Answer: E (Trick question, I know)

"Well," began Sephiroth, "My favourite colour is silver, my second favourite is blue, and my third favourite is pink."
"Mine too," exclaimed Jycei exuberantly. "Sephy, it's as if you read my mind! My least favourite colour is yellow. It's too tacky."
"Why, mine too! And do you prefer black to red, and red to yellow?"
"What a coincidence. Let's see what else we have in common. What are your hobbies?"

Give yourself 0 points for F, 1 for C, 2 for B, 3 for D, 4 for A, and 5 for E. What, you're not a mind reader? Well, tell that to Jycellaemynthia.**

~~~

6-So what are Sephiroth's hobbies?
a) Massacring kittens
b) Sword practice
c) Stamp-collecting
d) Yoga

**Answer: D

"Well, I've been heavily involved in the Bikram school of yoga for some time," laughed Sephiroth. "I find it's an excellent way to connect to the planet and purge my soul of negative thoughts and energy. You know, I'm a firm believer in the cathartic power of meditation."

Give yourself 0 points for A, 2 for B, 3 for C, and 5 for D.**

~~~

7-Guess if Prudence...I mean, Jycellaemynthia also likes yoga.
a) Yes
b) No

**Answer: A

"Really, Bikram?" squealed Jycellaemynthia. "That's my favourite, too! I can't stand all of those Hatha snobs."
They looked into each other's eyes, and it was as if a divine force drew them together.
Could they be...soul mates?

Give yourself 0 points for B, and 2 for A.**

~~~

8-Are they soul mates?
a) Yes
b) No

**Answer: A

"You know what else I like? Scented candles," chirped Jycei. "They really add to the atmosphere of the room and drive out negative karma. If you're ever feeling sad and lonely, or if you find it hard to deal with your pain, light a candle as a small beacon to guide you on your path towards redemption."
Sephiroth grinned, now a spark of light and humour shining in his red-rimmed eyes. "Same here. My favourite scent is lavender."
"Mine too! What a coincidence!"
"It's hard to forget about the past, and about all the horrible things I've done. But you're right. Sometimes you have to move on in life. It's like Hilary Duff says, 'If it's over, let it go and/Come tomorrow it may seem/So yesterday, so yesterday...'."
Jycei squealed, and joined in. "'I'm just a bird that's already flown away,'" they belted out together, their melodic singing voices in perfect harmony.
Yes, they were soul mates.

Give yourself -5 points for B, and 2 for A.**

If you have gotten higher than 22, then you are so talented that you do not need to follow this guide. You are an apt pupil, and a fantastic judge of character. And if you have achieved the full 30 points, then you may very well be Jycellaemynthia herself. In that case, not only do you far surpass this writer and anyone else taking the midterm exam in your talent for characterization, you are a gifted genius who should not waste your time with us mere mortals. Just between you and me, you may be the reincarnation of an ancient goddess walking among us. But...ahem, just out of curiosity, if you have a boyfriend, exactly how does he treat you?

Next part: A happy and totally plausible reunion, and double standards.

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~Evil Mina