Essentially this is a collection of rants and written arguments/essays that I have written for my own reasons. I leave it up to you to judge the strength of my points and arguments.

Writings:

• 11.22.2005 � So Tired

So Tired

I hate winter. It�s cold and dark, depressing and desolate. And nothing I do can change that. So despite specifically attending college in Southern California, I still fall prey to the winter season and all the depression it brings with it.

Ever since I was little, I always disliked winter because it affected me even though I didn�t understand how. Now that I am older, I understand perfectly. First, it is the time change. The switch from daylight savings to regular time and the earlier darkening of the day causes me to lose energy way too early in the day. So my internal clock tells me to go to sleep earlier than I need to, so in retaliation I stay up later than necessary.

The strong desire to sleep also comes from the constant coldness within me. My hands and feet are always cold, and add on top of that winter and it feels like I have arthritis, especially when using the computer, which I do a lot. So in order to warm up my body I hop into bed and under my comforter, hoping that it will warm me up. Then I quickly nod off to bed.

The winter weather also allows for more overcast days. I get headaches from the glare off of the clouds during those kinds of days. Those headaches then cause me to be angry the whole day because it�s a headache that I�ll never get rid of. The fact that I can�t see the blue sky also adds to my depression. It�s like seeing the blue sky as your future and the clouds as impassible barriers. I just feel so lost and sad on days like that.

Winter also encompasses winter break, which most students are glad to get off, but I often find myself disliking it greatly. The lack of contact between me and my friends combined with my boredom and lack of mental stimulation creates a playground for buried thoughts to romp. Things that I purposely lock away come to the surface, and force me to contemplate on them. Needless to say that they were buried in my mind for a reason. Depression soon follows.

Finally, in a last ditch attempt to escape all the negative that winter brings, I bury myself in my covers and lose myself to sleep. I don�t want to face the bleak and cold weather or the days filled with boredom and depression. I just want to escape to my dreams where reality can�t touch me. I just want to stop existing in the world.