I¡¯m standing on the center of living room and looking around. We don¡¯t leave our house yet, but it looks vacant already. Mommy and Julie - mommy¡¯s sister- covered all furniture with white fabric. This house doesn¡¯t really have our stuff any more except huge furniture, such as tables and beds. We opened the garage sale to sell our stuff last weekend. And mommy sold her paintings, too because we need money. Mommy and Julie put unsold stuff in our huge storage where is my favorite place. We put needful stuff in the car. Julie let us borrow her car. It is a very, very big car. It has beds and a big table, even a toilet and an oven. It will be our home. I¡¯m breathing with my nose greatly. I want to remember this smell. Perhaps, We are ready to leave this house.

     ¡°Tommy!¡± I hate that name. I wish my name were Sherlock as Sherlock Holmes.    

     ¡°Tommy!¡± Again. Mommy always yells. Her voice is very loud. Sometimes, it is good, but usually bed for me.

     ¡°I¡¯m coming!¡± I have to say that to make her stop yelling.

     ¡°Did you release her?¡± Mommy is loading our stuff in the car. There is Julie, too. I did not tell about my goldfish yet.

    ¡° I did. I released her to the rivulet, which goes through the back yard. May be, she¡¯s still there.¡±

     ¡°Good boy.¡± Mommy likes to say that, but I don¡¯t like it. I told mommy that I hate that, but she can¡¯t fix her habit easily. Mommy and Julie are still busy. I really like this house. I want to take a photo of the house with a Polaroid camera that I found in the storage. Probably, this was daddy¡¯s camera. I will see this photo when I miss this house.

     ¡°Tommy, it¡¯s time to leave.¡± Mommy whispered in my ear. She is smiling with little bitter eyes. Julie also looks lonely. She¡¯s going be alone after we leave. She will visit here, even though we are no here.

     ¡°You can come back whenever you want.¡± I think Julie¡¯s endless nags will be started. We can leave an hour later.

     ¡°Mary -mommy¡¯s name-, be careful. It¡¯s gonna be very dangerous for only a woman and a child. Make sure lock the door, okay? Keep your bodies warm not to get cold. The flu is very bitter recently. Don¡¯t skip your meals. Don¡¯t make Tommy tired. He is a good boy.¡± Good boy, again. Julie is very nice, but sometimes, she makes me tired, too.

     ¡°I know! I¡¯m not gonna get cold. I¡¯m not gonna skip the meals. I¡¯m not gonna make Tommy tired. Don¡¯t worry, Julie.¡± And I know mommy will forget immediately. These two siblings are cute and funny.

     Wind is cool. The sky is little cloudy, but looks so high. It is fall already. A group of birds are flying to find warm place. Mommy and I are flying to get our answers, too.

    

Daddy died about two years ago. It was car accident. Five people died, and six got hurt seriously. Daddy belonged to that five dead people. We were one happy family before father died. I loved parents, and they loved me. At least, I didn¡¯t hate school and people, and mommy wasn¡¯t harsh and nervous. Daddy was very good daddy. Probably, daddy was very good husband for mommy, too. But, when looked at the daddy¡¯s picture, which used for his funeral, I was always angry with him. Mommy and I were very sad and lost our meaning for our lives because of his death, but he smiled in that picture. I was very angry at that he died irresponsibly. Once, I told him, ¡°Don¡¯t smile. I¡¯m not gonna stop being angry with you no matter how you smile pretty.¡± Mommy became so nervous. She didn¡¯t paint. She was depressed. I started to hate the school, people, and mommy.

It was summer vacation. I didn¡¯t go anywhere, just stayed at home. Actually, I stayed at the storage for a whole day. I read books, drew some pictures, and listened to the music. My favorite was treasure hunting. I spent most of times to ransack the storage. Finally, I found a small aquarium. It was so great. It was out of azure color clear glass. It looked so pretty and mysterious. I wanted to put something in here. It was too precious to use for pencil case. I thought about putting some dirt and an herb, but I didn¡¯t want it get dirty. I needed a fish in no way. I thought about fish in the rivulet in the back yard, but I didn¡¯t want to take their freedom away. And I thought a red goldfish would be best with this azure aquarium.

I brought my wallet and went to buy the goldfish immediately. While I was ridding my bicycle, I realized I didn¡¯t have any money. I stopped and opened the wallet. Only a quarter and a nickel were in there. I despaired. I sit on the grass and thought for a while to get money for the goldfish. I didn¡¯t feel like it, but I decided to ask mommy. I hurried to get home. When I got home, mommy was kind of crazy –sorry, mommy. She was talking to somebody –probably, herself or daddy- and howling. I didn¡¯t want to open the door. I didn¡¯t want to see her. I went into the storage and started to think again. My final answer was earning myself.

Next morning, I went to see Mr. Munson, who was the chief of new paper distributor in the town. He was a bald and potbellied man. He kept smiling, but his personality was not good. He said he would pay fifteen dollars for a week. He also said with smile, ¡°If you don¡¯t like the pay, you don¡¯t have to take this job.¡± I really hate this kind of man. However, I decided to sacrifice my sweet morning for fifteen bucks. I had to keep murmuring ¡°A goldfish¡± and ¡°Only a week¡± to calm down.

I didn¡¯t want so much money. So, I worked only a week and got only fifteen bucks. A week later, I planed to go buy the goldfish. And I put fifteen dollars and thirty cents in the aquarium. Next morning, I tried to go buy the goldfish. But, mommy wanted me to go see Julie. I didn¡¯t want to, but mommy didn¡¯t say anything to me recently. Her favor was a little, a very little glad for me. I had lunch there. While I was coming back, I was thinking about the goldfish. I ran into my room to bring my money. There was no money in the aquarium. I was so surprised. I looked for the money for an hour, but I couldn¡¯t. I asked mommy.

¡°Have you seen the money in the aquarium?¡± I hoped that she didn¡¯t take it.

¡°Yeah. I took them. Why?¡±

¡°These are mine. Give them back to me.¡±

¡°You don¡¯t need¡¯em. Where did you get that money? Julie gave you?¡±

¡°No, I worked for them. Give me back. I will buy a goldfish. I found a pretty aquarium. You saw, right? Isn¡¯t it so pretty? I need the goldfish for it.¡± Her face became a little cold.

¡°Put that aquarium away. And you don¡¯t need the fish. Therefore, you don¡¯t need your money. You¡¯re not going to take care of it. I know.¡±

¡°How do you know? I like that aquarium. I won¡¯t put that away!¡± I felt like crying. I felt so sad about something. Then, mommy yelled.

¡°I don¡¯t want to see that aquarium. You cannot have the goldfish. Okay? Go back to your room!¡±

Finally, my tears were dropped. I didn¡¯t go back to my room. I ran to the storage. In the storage, I was crying and talking to daddy. I didn¡¯t come out till next day.

I went to Mr. Munson again. I asked for the job again. He was still smiling and let me work. My thoughts about Mr. Munson were a little changed. I worked only a week again and got fifteen bucks. I didn¡¯t put the money in the aquarium. I kept them in my pocket. I held the money in my hand while I was sleeping. I worried about mommy so much. She didn¡¯t know I worked and got money again, which is good luck because she and I never saw each other for a week.

In the store, I couldn¡¯t decide to buy which goldfish for a long time. There were so many goldfish in a huge water tank. It was very difficult to choose only one. Finally, I bought a goldfish. His color was red and little yellow mixed –I wasn¡¯t sure that he was a real male fish. It looked very gorgeous. I felt like flying. I put some send and a water plant in the aquarium. I brought the aquarium to my room secretly. That night, I looked at him for a long time. The problem was still mommy. I worried about her so much. I though I had to hide this aquarium somewhere. I put that under my bed. She wouldn¡¯t look down there. I felt free from her. Every day, I gave him his food. I talked and sang for him. I gave him his name, ¡°Sherlock¡±. But, he looked lonely. The aquarium was too big for him. One day, I felt I needed one more fish for him and me. Remained money was too little to buy another one. I took some coins from mommy¡¯s jar. I felt guilt. So, I dropped only one drop of tear for my crime.

I bought another one. She was not as gorgeous as Sherlock, but her color was very red, very pretty. On the load, I gave her name, ¡°Mary¡±. These two fish would be friendly. I tried to not, but I couldn¡¯t stop laughing. I could hear mommy¡¯s yelling and sobbing when I passed by her room. I didn¡¯t want to get involved. I went up to my room and take out the aquarium. But, Sherlock looked strange. He didn¡¯t swim and bubbles didn¡¯t come out from his mouth. I knew this feeling. Sherlock didn¡¯t move at all like daddy. I felt pain deep inside of my throat. It was very painful. I couldn¡¯t be patient. I started to yell and sob like mommy was doing. I was angry at something. I was not sure it was daddy, mommy, or Sherlock. I ran to mommy with the aquarium.

¡°Because of you! You make Sherlock died! You are always as nervous as a needle. When you¡¯re gonna stop that?¡± I knew it wasn¡¯t all her fault. But, my mouth was dancing itself.

¡°Daddy is not here anymore! Let him go! I¡¯m so tired and feel pain. Could you stop?¡±

¡°Tommy¡¦¡± She murmured my name, but I didn¡¯t stop.

¡°Please, mommy! I want to be happy with you like we were before!¡± I was short of breath.

¡°Tommy¡¦¡± She just let her tears were dropped quietly.

We fell down. We didn¡¯t say anything each other for a long time. Mommy broke our silence.

¡°That aquarium¡¦Daddy gave mommy when mommy was as young as you are. I know it is lovely.¡± Mommy held the aquarium.

¡°I¡¯m sorry for you and daddy. Let¡¯s make it stop together.¡± She really smiled. It was very glad because she didn¡¯t really smile since daddy had gone to heaven.

Mommy and I made a grave for Sherlock. We had happy dinner -Sorry, Sherlock-, and talked all night along in mommy¡¯s bed.

 

Therefore, mommy and I decided to leave next day. Mommy doesn¡¯t yell and isn¡¯t nervous anymore. And I don¡¯t hate people and mommy anymore, too. But, I don¡¯t want to go to school. I mean I don¡¯t hate the school, but I want to leave with mommy. Mommy and I untied the beginning of our problem. But, it isn¡¯t solved perfectly yet. We will find something that we need. – We decided to call that something, ¡°Answer¡±. We will go to somewhere; I don¡¯t know where it is yet because we don¡¯t know where our answers are. Perhaps, we will come back here only few days later. – Mommy doesn¡¯t familiar with patient, I know. Though, I think it¡¯s fine because I will be with mommy, and mommy will be with me.

Mommy and Julie are still arguing about something. Finally, mommy gets on the car. I put down window to say goodbye to Julie. Julie is kind of crying. Her eyes are red.

¡°Julie, don¡¯t be sad. It is not going to take long.¡± I say her with smile.

¡°Tommy, you¡¯re a really good boy.¡± I¡¯ll tell her about ¡°Good boy¡± later.

I say, ¡°Good bye.¡± Julie is almost sobbing.

Mommy says, ¡°Tommy, don¡¯t say ¡¯Good bye¡¯. Say ¡®So long¡¯.¡± Mommy smiles brightly.

We are saying ¡°So long¡± each other.