I believe in many theories of "non-coercive" parenting. To me, non-coercive parenting is treating your child different from how we were taught to raise our children...or how we were raised ourselves. Giving children respect and as many choices as possible, rather than treat them like property or clones. I may not agree with all of the decisions that they make but that's not my job...my job is to help guide and educate them so they can make informed decisions for themselves. Some people have taken non-coercion to an extreme, whereas they won't even take their child to the emergency room for a broken arm if the child protests. I am certainly not as naive and would simply help explain the situation to my child honestly and tell them what needs to be done and why. I don't believe in lying to children, or to anyone for that matter. If something is going to hurt, they should be told.

I don't force my children to do anything. I give them as many choices as possible, letting them know that what they decide may have consequences that they might not like...as in "real life". We have established certain "rules" that we all follow, for safety and respect of others. We know that wearing a bicycle helmet is required to prevent head injuries in the case of a fall. We have a rule that if someone rides their bike without their helmet, they lose bicycle privileges for one day. If they don't want to help clean the mess in the toy room that they created, they won't be able to play in the toy room until they help pick it up. Some may view this as punishment. I look at punishment like if my children didn't do what they were told, they would be reprimanded...spanked or put in time-out. I don't believe in that. I believe in discipline and guidance. Even adults can benefit from that, especially when it comes to money issues. My children receive money from birthdays or from helping do a special chore around the house (not an allowance...we all are expected to keep our space fairly clean and organized and we don't get paid for that). They decided what they want to buy with it. I help guide them in their choices but the decision is ultimately theirs. From this, they have learned that candy doesn't go as far as they had hoped...and t.v. commercials don't always represents certain toys honestly compared to the actual item. I try not to have the "I told you so" attitude, but we often discuss the event afterwards along with alternatives choices and outcomes that might have happened had they chose differently.

I know as my children grow, we will be faced with more challenging situations but I hope I am establishing them with the knowledge and self-esteem to make good choices for themselves. Many of my ideas would seem controversial and downright irresponsible to some. Everybody has their own opinions but hopefully rather than closing an ear to other methods of raising children, parents can openly discuss their concerns and discover the choices they really have, as well as the consequences. I don't believe my way is the only "right" way but it makes sense to me and it seems to be working. I'll have to give an update as my family grows but I have confidence that the benefits of these methods will have a positive lasting impression upon my children.