It's time, once again, to rank the WWF superstars. For the uninitiated, this is where yours truly decides who is tops in the WWF according to the criteria of ring ability, mic ability, pop, current storyline, and title situation. Feel free to respond, even to challenge my rulings. The previous ranking for each superstar is shown in parenthesis.
Random WWF thoughts: Here are thoughts that don't fit into the rankings format but I feel I must share anyway:
1. (1) The Rock- Great couple of weeks by the Great One. His involvement with Debra is intriguing, he match with Angle was fantastic (see below), and he's been incredibly generous to Austin, allowing him to stun him twice. I'm sure the worm will turn tonight on RAW, but his willingness to be embarrassed by the likes of the Rattlesnake and Rikishi illustrates why he's the best professional in the biz, he understands for the promotion to succeed, even the top guy (and make no mistake about it, Rocky is the top guy) has to take his falls.
2. (4) Kurt Angle- To borrow the current en vogue wrestling term, Kurt Angle has been simply "off the page" of late. His breaking of Scotty 2 Hotty's ankle was one of the better moments of late; even better was his purposeful attitude afterwards. Because Wrestlemania is face vs. face, the WWF had to be creative in promoting it. One way was throwing Debra into the mix, the other way is having Angle be the main threat heading in, a role he is playing to the hilt. He absolutely dominated his match with the Rock, and nearly did so with Austin too, good enough for a 2 spot jump. Now, I know there are still some of you who doubt what I have to say about Angle, so here's a quote from Jim Ross himself, a man who knows a thing or two about the business: "Kurt Angle is the most talented performer I have ever been around in this business with his experience level".
3. (3) Stone Cold Steve Austin- I know it is odd that Austin ranks third even though Wrestlemania X-Seven is all about him and the Rock. Also, he's gotten the best of both men ahead of him lately. However, the Rock is the champ, easy decision there, and I think Angle had to be rewarded for his standout performances of late. So Austin holds at three. Okay?
4. (2) Triple H- Log jam at the top! Helmsley is proving himself, once again, as the best story-advancer in the WWF. I've remarked in the past that I feel that the Undertaker is becoming less and less interesting- that is no longer the case, and that is because of The Game. His boiling feud with the Dead Man has been the best TV of the best two weeks, making this match perhaps even more interesting than Rock/Austin.
5. (-) The Undertaker- Great work punking out Helmsley in "his yard". I haven't been that excited about a Taker appearance in years. Last time Undertaker was not in the Top 20 because he was exclusively tag team. Now he is a legitimate top 5 headliner. For those of you who think he's simply main-event temping for Triple H, here's a tidbit that will spice things up: The Undertaker has never lost at Wrestlemania in his 10 years in the WWF.
6. (7) Chris Benoit- Good news: Benoit has been able to showcase both his unmatched wrestling ability and his burgeoning acting ability. Bad news: he's turning face. His matches with the Radicalz and Eddie Guerrero were some of the best pure wrestling bouts the WWF has produced in years. However, I don't think his potential as a heel has been fully tapped. I wonder what turning face will do to the Rabid Wolverine's ferocity?
7. (6) Chris Jericho- His duel with Commissioner Regal has promise. Regal is a legitimate heel, and his role as commissioner should provide him all sorts of opportunities to mess with Y2J. Meanwhile, Jericho gets to showcase his skill in impossible situations vs. the whole RTC, the Dudleyz. True he didn't win, but he came damn close both times.
8. (11) Vince McMahon- Triple H is the quintessential heel, but he could not play a secondary role for Rock and Austin, like Angle is doing quite well. But if you truly want the boos, look no further than Vinny Mac. I'm going to translate everything Vince has said to Linda and Trish of late in two words: HATE ME. However, I do wonder why Vince hasn't suffered any retribution for making Debra the Rock's manager.
9. (-) Kane- Good work lately. First off, Kane has had more dialogue in the past two weeks than his entire career. Secondly, he was dominant against Helmsley, no easy feat. One comment about Kane: while it seems to show amazing agility for a guy near 7 feet tall to climb to the top turnbuckle and then jump at his opponent, it really doesn't. All Kane does is jump off the rope, he's usually on his feet before he nails the closeline. The whole jump is really a wasted motion. Watch for it and you'll see what I'm talking about.
10. (13) William Regal- Here's where I get to blow my own horn (or pat my own back for those of you that are snickering over the sexual connotations of "blowing my own horn"). Let's go back to last time when I wrote: "Here's a caveat to my earlier comment about William Regal, big things could be in the cards for Regal ... or he could feud with Al Snow. One thought on how both could be accomplished: Vince should make Regal Commissioner." My accuracy sometimes scares even me.
11. (10) The Big Show- Either this guy has a huge need for negative reinforcement, or Jim Ross hates this guy. Anyone who regularly reads the Ross Report, like myself, will know what I'm talking about. In any case, his upcoming Wrestlemania match with Kane (we all know it's coming) should be an interesting exercise in power.
12. (14) Eddie Guerrero- Incredible match with Benoit, simply incredible. In the past I felt that reunited with the Radicalz hurt Eddie, since Saturn and Malenko stole a lot of his heat. Now that the Radicalz are his show, they can only help him. Look for Guerrero's stock to rise.
13. (-) Shane McMahon- He was only around sparingly, but his entrance on RAW was one of the best surprises of the past two weeks. Shano Mac is a genuine talent on the mic and his presence has been missed since Steve Blackman took him out. His feud with dad should be good, but be careful: he will turn heel. The McMahons have swerved me too many times for me to believe now.
14. (6) Lita- I bet you thought I forgot about Lita (like that would ever be possible). After losing her title match with Ivory, then simply escorting the Hardy Boyz to the ring, I just couldn't justify ranking Lita (love of my life she may well be) higher than those above. The WWF's treatment of her has been baffling. People are obviously interested, so give us more.
15. (8) Raven- Same goes for this guy. I know I said I was bored of the ninja-gimmick, but to completely abandon it without a resolution? They didn't even do that with the awful Mark Henry/Mae Young gimmick (remember that? Wish you hadn't?). He's got a match with the Big Show tonight, which is good company for this rising star. He could even win his title back, since we all know Kane will interfere in the match.
16. (12) Trish Stratus- I thought they'd go the other way with Trish, having her seek revenge or become a face for the first time since joining the WWF (they still could, remember the swerve). What I think would be really cool (besides having her strip, which is always cool) would be for Shane to consolidate power against his father, then have Trish back-stap Vince and move on to Shane in her quest for power.
17. (-) Debra- She is the centre of the maelstrom that is Austin vs. Rock, which I think was a brilliant idea. It has made Austin more interesting (there's just something about seeing the Rattlesnake be all protective of something other than his beer) and furthered the feud. Debra has done surprisingly well (I said well, she still has her deficiencies) in this role. Ultimately though, she's merely window dressing. What makes her interesting is that she is Austin's wife and Rock's manager, not because she is doing anything special (what does she really do to manage anyway?). Still, it's a step up from being window dressing simply because of the puppies.
18. (9) Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley- This is how I can do a Top 20- seven of those in the top ten aren't in-ring performers. Really, we're talking a top 13 then. But it is performers like Steph that make the show work. It is not just about wrestling. A nine point drop in two weeks because she's been taking a backseat so Hunter can take the lead (I wouldn't mind taking a backseat with her... sorry, I was distracted for a second there) but with Shane back, Stephanie should play a bigger role.
19. (-) Crash Holly- Finally, the Dean Malenko Light Heavyweight Era is over! Besides recent bouts with Taka and Funaki, the guy never defended the thing (who would want to? Prolonged feuds with Crash Holly and Essa Rios can only take a guy so far). How long Crash will have this pithy title remains to be seen, but since he has a strap (he won it on Heat, don't worry- I wasn't watching either) and a hot, talented valet (Molly) he makes the list. However, prolonged feuds with Dean Malenko and Essa Rios can only take a guy so far.
20. (-) Linda McMahon- Her recent work has been some of the best invalid acting since Jimmy Stewart in Rear Window. Not really, but look, I've set a personal best: all four McMahons in one top 20 list! Yea me!
1. (2) The Hardy Boyz- The prophecy of Andy: "the top tag teams of the WWF are so close, I'll give the Dudleyz their time on top, because it will soon be someone else's turn". With Wrestlemania X-Seven on the horizon, it is the Hardy Boyz time (I guess it would have been more impressive if I had predicted the Hardys win, but I can't spoil everything for you all). The Hardys had to be involved in Wrestlemania, no one brings down the house like these two. Now if the other tag teams would just stay healthy enough to give these guys a challenge...
2. (1) The Dudley Boyz- It is unusual that you see two teams face off for the titles three weeks in a row, even more unusual when the two teams have no feud to speak of. Why are they in constant battle then? Injuries, injuries and more injuries. We may only have one tag match for Wrestlemania.
3. (3) Kane and The Undertaker- I ranked both these guys as soloists, so how do they remain at #3? Injuries, injuries and more injuries. Plus, they did fight as a team against Rikishi and Haku since last time. Also, even though each "brother" has a feud going with other men, they've still acted as a unit. Look for them to team up in the coming weeks to take on Triple H and the Big Show (they always do that stuff before PPVs).
4. (10) X-Pac, Justin Credible and Albert- Didn't I just make a crack about Albert's "success" when describing X-Pac's relationship with Justin Credible? Odd (I'm starting to think some writers from the WWF is reading this column and stealing my ideas). These guys really don't deserve the #4 spot, or the push they've been getting. So why did they get it? Injuries, injuries... you get the point.
5. (7) Right To Censor- We got screwed! They just abandoned the whole Val Venis storyline (it was originally supposed to be the Kat who he "sinned" with. But they knew it wouldn't be when they showed his "retribution", why? Why!?!). Lita is getting screwed so Chyna can be a part of Wrestlemania, that's why she lost the title match to Ivory. Glad to see Tazz is continuing the time-honoured tradition of colour commentators hitting Steven Richards.
6. (4) Edge and Christian- X-Pac and co. at #4? RTC at #5? How bad does the WWF need Edge's back to get healthy. My guess is that they're in a holding pattern in hopes that the Edgester comes back for Wrestlemania, and we'll all get some of that ol' Edge and Christian vs. the Hardy Boyz magic. Great work by Christian lately- I considered putting him in the Top 20, but what are ya going to do when Linda McMahon is giving such virtuoso performances?
7. (6) The Radicalz- I really think that Guerrero can do some good things as leader of the Radicalz. Hell, all they need is a few more matches like they had against Benoit last week and they're on their way. Good work by Perry Saturn and Dean Malenko in the match against Benoit as well.
8. (9) Kai en tai- Taka and Funaki haven't really done much of anything lately. They each fought for the Light Heavyweight Title and hosted Sunday Night Heat- which isn't much of anything. The main thing they've done to rise one spot in the rankings? Stayed healthy.
9. (-) Too Cool- The best work Too Cool has ever done may have been Scotty's girlie-man screams of pain when Angle was breaking his ankle. I'm not sure if Steve Blackman will stay with Grandmaster while Scotty is out, but if he does, expect some more of that old "Head Cheese" Blackman magic.
10. (8) Rikishi and Haku- These two got a match with the Great One and Taker and Kane, so they get on the list. Unfortunately (for them), Rikishi busted his ear getting stunned by Austin after the match with The Rock, so Rikishi is expected to be out until after Wrestlemania. (Look for Haku on Heat and Metal. On second thought, don't).
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