So long and thanks for all the fish.
11-12-03 (there's no sense in telling me the wisdom of a fool won't set me free) I'm just mentaly preparing myself for it all.
Yes, that's right. It all.
10-09-03 (your skin makes me cry) GWAR! Why haven't I seen these guys in concert yet? Where have I been taking my life if not to this inevitable conclusion?
10-07-03 (i was wanting you to love me but your love it never came- two days in a row and i can't seem to stop listening to this damn Flaming Lips album) I want to stop working on this freken site now. It's 6 in the Dog Blessed AM and I'm a tired poo-flinging monkey. Please, I'd like to go now.
10-06-03 (i was waiting on a moment but the moment never came) Ya see, here's my dilema; I could just destroy all this glorious bullshit- erase all the blathering stupidness (yes, like this sentence here) and start with a blank page. No more Sarah's Lame Website with it's poor layout and chaotic assembly but then where would I be? I don't know about you guys, but I'm actually quite happy being an idiot with nothing but a jumbled mess of crap that some might call a web site. Sure, it's gotten out of control and therefore should be... erm... cut back a bit... if only because Geocities is a controlling whore who won't let me have a great deal of transfer -but I can't even imagine life with a nice site. A "real" site. Call me old fashioned.
And Sally. Call me Sally. You big brute you.
10-02-03 (oh yoshimi) I fuckin' hate people.
Well, except for you.
09-18-03 (I ain't readin' no funny books, momma!) I'm working on it. No, really. Keep me company; I get lonesome.
11-20-02 (you know in the end I'll always be there) It's gone beyond mere procrastination and I think we've all seen this comming for a long time. I'm sick an' tired of this website. Tired of it's meaningless blather, it's spelling errors, it's lack of any real worldly worth. And we all need a little worldly worth now and again, do we not?
...Well, maybe not. But I'm done with this for a while. I'm now offically on sabbatical. Ill be going forth and finding new and unusual things to do with my time that may or may not be illegal in this state. My soul needs change and stuff. When I return I'll be a happier, clear-headed Sarah The Everlame and maybe then I'll have the heart to drastically change shit about here. Until then, you know I love you, right?
And you know I mean that in as physical a way as possible, right? Come a little closer, Cutie...
9-30-02 (and if you complain once more...) Alright. So I'm a procrastinator. Freken sue me.
8-31-02 (Hi! My name is- what?!) Had a dream about Eminem. What a prick.
On a happier note, I'm down sizing this here little baby and I'll be doing some drastic changes here and there. Not that it's going to make much of a difference, mind you. It's still going to be lame as all hell. But I'm bored and need to do something before I erase the whole damn thing.
And no, thank you, I don't want to do that so... erm... stick it... or sumptin'...
8-24-02 (made my own pretty hate machine) ...I'll get to it. Don't rush me. I'm trying to have a real life here, too.
08-12-02 (Well I know flirting is nothing and it should be where it ends) I hate neighbors and roommates. And I just realised that this is a huge subject that practicaly demands grandios attention that I can't possibly entertain right now. Too tired. So I'll go off in proper form next time. Just believe me when I say I wish I could just hole myself up in some cave in Alaska. I'm sure you feel the same.
...Later That Day...
Ahhhhhh Laundry day... If there's anything better than sitting around in your PJs all day they need to bottle it and put that puppy on the market. Now, where was I?
Oh yeah, neighbors an' shit.
I came home last night to find that some moron had left a sweet little note on my door. In abrupt terms, enforced with exclaimation points the size of Kansas state, I was told to turn off the beeping because the whole complex could hear it.
Allow me to explain; there's this really irritating beeping sound in the complex that's on and off been the bane of my (and the whole complex, from my recent understanding) exsistance and this super sleuth has narrowed the sound to my apartment. Mistakenly. Moron.
In fact, I'd noticed the damn sound a long time ago and realised that it's comming from my upstairs neighbor. This is the same neighbor who stomps about like a water buffalo and must have a trampoline up there because I know she ain't gettin' any... At least not eleven to fifteen times every day and night... with no boyfriend in sight... But that is neither here nor the price of tea in china. I didn't leave a nasty and oh-so-neighborly note on her door now did I?
Okay well, take my word for it, then.
Point is, my logical suspicion is that there's probably a good reason for having that beep and it's not simply a device for apartment complex irritation. So I didn't press it. Because when it comes down to it, if you try hard enough, you can ignore pretty much anything.
I gotta admit, though, I'm awfully curious and the question still remains; what in the hell is making those beeps? Maybe it's all some some sort of government-funded, scientific plot to cause mass finger pointing and childish note laying? Maybe some sort of machine to regulate the water buffalo's heart so she can practice complicated jumping techniques on her damn trampoline?
Who can say?
08-07-02 (and a guy just kicked me in the head, a little girl just passed out dead, i'm in between a big jock and a sweaty skinhead but i love you whatever that means) How is it that the ska era just passed me on by without so much as a fond farewell? No one asked me if I was ready for it to die out. Unfair.
I was more than ready for the torn jeans/Whitesnake bullshit to hit the road. Couldn't stand the whole Nirvana/Pearl Jam-wanna-be years (except for the few interesting bands here and there. Don't get me wrong). And what is all this boring shit on the radio now-a-days? The only half decent garbage is Korn and the occasional over played one hit wonder. Coldplay and Radiohead are okay if you like to feed depression...
...which I do...at times... Oh get off my back; who doesn't like to feel sorry for themselves every once and again?
Anyway, it's all just so sad. So I've dedcided to start a band. I'm not going to plan anything yet, it's too soon. First step is to find a garage. And then I'll move onto the nipple rings and tattoos... No wait, scratch that- tattoos THEN the garage... Hold up, I need to go figure this out; I didn't even think about the trendy alternative boyfriend that I'll eventualy dump for an underwear model... So much planning to do...
07-30-02 (where are you goin' with your long face pullin' down don't hide away) So today I start the day shift. But that's not what I want to talk about. I want to bring your attention to my nipples. Ya see, I just re-discovered them after months of aparent sterility. It must be something about the thickness of the fabric on the cup of my bras- they aren't large enough to notice through
the damn things. And what about when I shower or masturbate, you ask? Sure, I suppose in some sort of distracted way I'm aware of them, but I don't pay too much attention to them. I've never been a nipple fan, sorry, little guys. So, I'm sitting here in my pjs, braless and really aware of the fuckers. Point? I'm dedicating this day to my nipples. Thanks for sticking around, guys. I'm sure I'll find something for you to do in time.
Oh, and check out this little shit's site. Who can it hurt? And maybe he'll leave me alone if I get you guys to sign his guestbook.
07-22-02 (so i look in your direction but you pay me no attention, do you?) Do you ever get the feeling that you're only a few short steps away from greatness? Well I woke up today realising that I'm only a few baby steps away from getting drunk. So let the frivolity begin!!!
07-13-02 (i'm sorry i'm just thinking of the right words to say) YAAAAAYYYY!!!!! I'm in a really shitty mood for absolutely no good reason at all! Wow, how unlike me! If I wasn't so against medicating myself I'd be floating in a nice little lukewarm cloud of lithium by now...
Speaking of Andy (my last experiment in The Land of Relationships Gone Wrong), if you haven't already heard (this is all so senseless, I know) he's leaving in the next two weeks or so to Washington DC or there abouts. Maybe that's why I'm so grumpy...
Naaaahhhhh. I'll be good and glad to get 'im outa my hair; fucker never calls, never writes, stays far away from my house and isn't a pest in the slightest and yet still loves me. Who needs that bullshit?! And on that note, here's the tribute page I made for him a while ago when I thought I was cool for some reason. I've since come to my senses.
Bye, Andy. Be wary of planes dropping on your head and such. I'll miss you.
07-08-02 (i got a dalmation i can still get high) Welp, I've gone an' made an executive decision. From now on if I don't think your guestbook entries are worth my time I'm either going to spruce the fuckers up or erase them entirely. And my one reader may be asking himself and/or his cat why? Why would Sarah, lame as she most obviously is, take away one of our most basic of rights?! (In case you aren't paying attention or just can't understand my bullshit, that's our freedom of speech I'm talking about. Get it?) Well lemme tell ya. At first I figured that everyone has the right to their own wrong opinion; who am I to edit others stupidity when I can get my jollies just from knowing that I've got a long way to go before I'm a complete waste of air? Can't believe it's taken a bunch of 'net nimrods to point it out to me. But I just can't keep on pretending that their opinion is worth my time, guestbook space, or, well, anything at all. So, enough. I'm done dealing with the shit unless there's something truly worth responding to.
But you can still send me your underwear at:
Sarah The Everlame
5505 Dookie Ave
Bellingham Wa 98225
06-27-02 (i'm in the midst of a trauma; leave a message, I'll call ya back) Thinking back to the point in my life where I first started to play on the 'net... Was there ever a time when I just let into a person in a really uninteresting way (for example "you're a fat, ugly bitch even though I've never seen you and I'm going to waste my time and yours by gaping empty-eyed - wiping the drool from my chin at regular intervals - at your lame site and end up signing your guestbook to put you in your place. You fat, ugly bitch." or something equally as brilliant to that effect) for absolutely no reason other than because there was no fear of any serious physical reprocussions? And I'm going to have to say... now that I think of it... no. Even I'm not that lame.
Well then. All is right in the world. And you? How goes the battle? Flicked any good boogers lately, Short Bus?
05-13-02 (i'm the fire starter twisted fire starter) Is there anything left to say? I mean, hasn't it all been said a thousand times before and with far more eloquence than - oh whatever. Fuck it all then.
04-29-02 (so she told me to come over and i took that trip) I'm almost completely bored senseless. I've still got some to go here before there's no hope for me whatsoever.
That's not realy a word, is it? I mean it just looks, i dunno, funky. Fuck it. Onward...
Can it really have been so long since I last dragged you few poor souls through my dirty thoughts?
Can you really blame me for loosing intrest when I have such a short attention span and oh-so-many shiny distractions ruining my very exsistence? (and no, thank you, I don't mean the less evil of the species. There are plenty of other things to entertain my measely life. Like...Spam. An' stuff...) Can it really be that I just don't give a shit either way?
Is it at all possible that I've lost that lovin' feelin'?
Oh, say it isn't so.
02-12-02 (pack it up pack it in let me begin) hmmmm. Maybe I've been too harsh lately. Maybe I should turn a new leaf and really take a closer look at the real reason behind why I constantly get left at the starting line. Surely at the very least I should get off this roof and stop killing these poor college students. What have I become?!
Oh! And here's a new page about me. Surprised? Well you shouldn't be; I've been threatening to do it for a while. There might even be a picture or two of me in there somewhere...
02-04-02 (i'll sing for you if you want me to. i'll give to you. and it's a chance i have to take. and it's a chance i have to break.) So I've somehow just gotten through strep throat of all things. How weird. Who knew that strep started out with the feeling like you've got alien gonads swelling in your throat only to end up in a few hours time feeling as though you've some how gotten shards of jagged glass in the very saliva you have to swallow?
And not only that but yet one more asshole has let me know in not so un-subtle terms that I'm not good enough. For what? Well I'd guess anything at all by the looks of things. At least that stays constant in this ever changing world.
Gee. What do I have to be bitter about?
01-31-02 (she makes me wanna die) So it feels as though I've got some sort of throat-swelling-glandular-thingie going on. Fun? Why, yes, thank you. I can't remember the last time I've had so much fun without actually tying anyone up in the proccess.
01-20-02 (for you I bleed myself dry) I'm going about killing the cute little fluffy bunnies around here. The joke has gone too far, it's not even funny anylonger it's just pathetic ...and for those of you pondering over whether it was actually funny in the first place fuck off. I'd like you to do better... And then if you could rub my face in it, please? I'd like that.
Anyway, down with the bunnies. I'm starting to break out in hives.
That's all I have for you now. Go about your business.
01-17-02 (what's it to you?!) Okay, I'm sorry. Here's the token "No, Baby, I love you- I know I've been a bad husband and I'll never do it again... At least not until you make me, you whore" gift you all deserve after the abuse I've put you through... Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go try to figure out what the hell I mean by all this... Wish me luck.
01-07-02 (listening to the pathetic inner ramblings of a sick and torchured heart) I'm done. No more dating. No more feeling like a gooshy girlie nimrod over some dick (or dickette) who won't stick around for me to dump before they dump me. Don't they understand that's not the way these things are supposed to work?! I'M the one who needs to come out on top and unbeaten by their puny atempts at controling me and my dying emotions. I'M the one who gets to be above such human frailties such as longing and hurt feelings. And never are they allowed to one up me by avoiding me before I can avoid them.
So there.
Gunky.
And that's all I have time for today. I'm far too self absorbed to do anything entertaining for you.
Oh, and Merry Holidays an' shit. Ho ho.
12-18-01 (Mayonaise. Sometimes ya just gotta wonder.) I'm drunk. Fair warning. Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KAT!!! Yay. One more step toward the big three-oh. You think you're so cool...Grumblegrumblebastardgrumble...
On a completely different subject (because I'm A.D.D. and there's not a damn thing you can do about it. So there.) what's the deal with Christmas, anywho? We get so caught up in spending money and driving about like mad men (sorry, don't mean to exclude "womyn") that we lose sight of the real meaning behind it all... Which is, of course, finding out who can drink the most eggnog without passing out or pissing on the furniture, and how many olives you can fit on your fingers without them spliting in two on your chubby little digits in the process...
And I thought we were in the middle of an energy chrisis for christ's sake! You certainly wouldn't know it by looking about town at the obscene display of Christmas Light Goodness that assaults me everywhere I go... Is it my imagination or are perfectly maintained icicles taking over? All this forced cheerfulness is starting to feel a bit patheticly desperate. Even for Americans.
Oh God, someone make me stop before I go too far. SPIDERS!!! SPIDERS EV'RY WHERE!!!
12-05-01 (listening to what I can only assume is the lilting tones of Josephine Baker singing French classics... but I'm a clod in all things cool and hip so what the fuck do I know?) Lately Geocities has been closing down my site when there's too much data transferin' goin' on... And since I don't really have any true skill in web building, all the shit on this here site takes up way too much space. But there's not much in the way of meaningful material here anyway... so maybe it would be best if I just let this phase in my life drift away. I've learned oh so much about myself and my social deformities (not to mention my atrocious spelling efforts), and it's all too possible that my time here has come to an end.
Or maybe I just need to buy a bit o' space somewhere on the net and call it home... I'll get back to you on this...
If you have on opinion, let me know. I could use a good laugh.
11-28-01 (we were born before the wind) Is it just me bein' all frigid and icy hearted, or is it REALLY cold in here?
11-13-01 (i want to watch it come down) You know, I watched Gladiator for the first time this evening and I'd just like to say thank god for big, sweaty men in loin cloths. And that's all I can contribute today; sorry for the disapointment but when you're as lonely as I am even the cheap thrills are distracting.
...mmmm...loooiiin clooothssss...
11-11-01 (tell the truth you never wanted me. tell me.) So, no, I really haven't done much to the site. I've added a nummy picture of Hugh Jackman on my not worthy page that's worth drooling over. It's down at the bottom of the page. He's wearing a towel. It hurts.
I also pieced together a few more questions that shed absolutly no light on any subject what so ever... Well? what do you expect?
And then I was planning on working on my bio page but staring at Hugh's belly has me all sorts of flustered and I don't think I can manage the concentration it would cost me.
...mmmmmm... beeellllllyyy...
But since I've been back online, I've found some sites I'd forgotten I'd saved in my favorites. In fact, I don't even remember having seen these at all... Is there such a thing as a smut fairy? Ah well, however I came upon them, here they are for you to peruse if you so desire. (Warning: some of 'em might be a little dirty... Okay, they all might have a nipple or two hidden somewhere... I'm deprived, don't mind me. At least I've learned to share.)
Smut! (and they call it something different to confuse the issue. Please! Like we're that... gulible... Okay, well, surely YOU'RE not that gulible... I might be...)
Dorian (so called "art". Just more smut disguised as culture. I love semantics.)
Druuna (smut in another language. With aliens. why the hell not.)
Fem Dom (this is all too frightening.)
Daniels (good, clean, all american fun.)
Lola Art (art. nudge nudge wink wink.)
Okay, I know it really IS art. But with sayings like "would you like to see my etchings?" and "Take off your clothes; I'm an artist." roaming about my empty head, I really can't hold back my sarcastic and ever-so-cynical nature now can I? What would you have me do? Try sincerety? Heh, that's just silly.
11-10-01 (listening to Chemical Brothers and in my mind Chow Yun is kicking much ass. It's good being a geek girl in this day and age.) I can't believe it's been so long since I've done more than answer guestbook entries on this damn eye-sore. Where have all the good times gone? Well enough I say! If it means enduring the sludge-like rate with dial up, then so be it. For you, my semi-loyal fan of one-maybe-two, I'll even submit myself to 1000 seemingly-free AOL hours.
See? Pure dedication. And all this love is for you.
Maybe I should go get some sleep before I start tearing here.
6-19-01 (listening to my roommate's computer weeze... it's not going to last for much longer...) And so the count down commences... Or however you spell that... By the end of next month I will not only have my internet up and running, but I'll also have my very own living quarters. No more sharing of the kitchen. No more pillows over the head so's I can get some rest. And when (no, not if. Fuck you, you sarcastic fuck.) I snag some poor unsuspecting person to play with, no more wondering if the roommates are holding up score cards outside my door. Ahhh yes, this is the ultimate goal. So, for the few of you that still think I'm paying attention to my neglected website, I promise to reward your loyalty with something special when I make my come back. Maybe nude photos of Julie Strain, maybe personally autographed boxes of jello... I have yet to decide...
3-23-01 (listening to the Power Puff Girls in the back ground... I am not Bubbles. Bubbles is not who I am.) I still don't have internet access in my nice little cozy room. And if you think that drives me crazy, you're freken damn right. So, no, I haven't had time to shine anything up and present it to you. Nor the inclination. Sue me.
3-05-01 (listening to a vast supply of my roommate's Napster collection... I guess the Dixie Chicks aren't all THAT bad... ) As you may or may not have guessed, I have no internet as of two weeks ago. I haven't had a chance to get in contact with AT&T (my internet cable provider of sorts) because I've been working, and when I tried to talk to them today the guy told me I was SOL 'cause of some sort of payment pending thingie. Bastards. He kept telling me that my connection had been turned off (not true; my roommates are hooked up just fine and we're all on the same hub... YOU try telling good ol' "Will" that. Didn't seem to believe ME...) and that I had to wait twenty four hours before the check went through. How rude. So I'm at my roommate's computer, answering a few emails and delivering a few well-placed bitch slaps here and there on the net. It's a good life I live, even though I complain.
Aside from the head ache I received at the none-too-intelligent-but-way-too-chipper hands of "Will", what's new with me? Well, I started driving taxi a week ago and since then I haven't had time for shit. Twelve hours of people too drunk to drive or too lazy to walk. And, God help me, I love it. Oh, and last time I worked on my site I got booted off before I could update this page so this over here's been up since Feb 21. It's not nearly as bitter as I wanted it to be (seeing as that it was written right after valentine's day), but it's still worthy of the bitter score of 7 out of 10 and that ain't all bad.
2-07-01 (Edith Piaf RULES!!!) For those of you not joined at my hip and/or in the know when it comes to news concerning me, myself and not you, I'm writing a comic book series. Actually it'll be more than just a series when it's through but I can't even begin to go into detail so I won't. Deal with it.
I know, you're asking who could possibly be drawing for me... Well, considering I can make even the most rudementary stick figure look like a melting snowcone with 'roids, I've cajoled local talent Ben Hansen into doing the hard stuff for me. With Ben (armed with his many drawing impliments and boundless un-tested talent) by my side (myself armed with what little wit I can drudge up) we'll give the comic book business what for, I tell you! See if we don't!
Sadly, I'm not much of a comic book geek... But I've been practicing and I think by the time I start running the comic book convention circuit I could be an out and out pro...
Or at the very least I could just dress up like a hot chick and all the other geeks will be so confused and bewildered they won't notice my lack of comic book know-how and buy the damn comics anyway....
ANYWAY! My point is... okay, it's not as if I ever really have a point... RIIIIIGHT! So fuck it.
I'll let you guys in on what's going on as things progress (or halt completely- whatever) and when I become rich and geeky like all the greats of the comic book world (uhm... You know... Those other guys... er...) then I'm be sure to ignor you all as is only proper. Until then, sign the freken guestbook damn you!
Oh, and I cleaned up the first links page a bit... Not like you people care...
2-01-01 (For Whom The Bell Tolls... Because even tho' they're prick bastards, I still really like old Metallica. Fuckin' sue my no-taste-havin' ass.) And what the hell anyway. The Ever-Lovely Kat's husband (Jason. He's, like, a male version of me but with worse PMS and better fashion sense than us all. ooooh he's going to kick my ass for this one.) came on over the other day and stole our hub. Okay, so it was his in the first place. Who really keeps track of these things anyway?
We of the Shady household had to make do with only the one cable connection between four computers for almost a whole four days. I was in a barely-living hell. Not that I actually DO anything with the internet besides surf for Julie Strain pics, joyfully abuse people on my website, and sign people's guestbooks... The point is, I was cut off from this lovely little alter ego of mine for far too long.
And so, even though I'm a poor starving artist, I ran out and bought the cheapest piece of hub-meat as soon as I got my weekly unemployment check in the mail. Why? How could I reasonably rationalise spending money on a (let's face it) toy? Well, I figured that I needed to check on my email daily just in case John Cusack finally picks up on my brain waves, comes on over to my site, finds himself unaccountably attracted to my personality and just has to have me for his own.
That and I have that silly mask site to keep going just for the sake of stubborn-ness...
And so, here I am back on track and ready for you, Mr Cusack. John? Hello?
Fine. I can hold out as long as you can, buddy.
And, for those of you who care- hell, even for those of you who don't give a shit- I answered some pointless freken questions over here. And I'm working on a new list. I'm thinking "101 things to do in bed with a bowl of jell-o" has a nice ring to it...
1-17-01 (listening to Maxinquaye. Because only the really cool people listen to freaky shit.)
So! I was peepin' about the net, when what to my wandering (or is that wondering? Fuck it) eyes should pop right the fuck up but this here site. Go figure. I mean, I swear I thought I made up the whole thing, but here's some fool more zealous about pork rind sex than I am. And he's got the pics to prove it.
hmmm... I'm considering starting a new page with pictures of feet and dirty laundry. That way when computer technology reaches the inevitable "Scratch And Sniff" level, I'll already have my ground work done and be WAY ahead of those of you out there with no imagination or true genius.
I'm a visionary.
1-13-01 (Peter Murphy might look all scarey and stuff but he's aloud. He's a God.) What the hell is new.... Um... Well I put in another stupid letter and a lame-ass reply to it over here on the letters page. And I broke down and joined Spark Match yet again just because you people don't amuse me enough. I layed down a nice little freak trap; I think I may have put on my profile that I like nasty buttsex with vegetables...
And I added a few quotes (golden, memorable, timeless) to Andy's page. Why? Well 'cause I think the guy's funny... Possibly only when we're neked and rolling around, possibly when we're playing pin the tail on the porn star... But funny none the less.
What else...hmmm... OH! Check this out over here. I haven't laughed so hard since I watched "Mommie Dearest" while having sex on acid.
Okay, so I never did that. But wouldn't it be fun?!
1-1-01 (And the way I'm feelin' tonight I could die and I wouldn't mind) I've got an idea. How 'bout we forget this stupid little thing called a "new years resolution" and just live a good life without it? Why not? It's kinda like quitting smoking cold turkey, but less dangerous to your sanity and the lives of those around you. That way we'll all be better people and I won't have to see another lame-ass Halmark card with the words (outside) "For my New Year's Resolution I decided to stop stalking you..." (inside) "...Now I'll just send you my ear and some chocolate covered frogs to show my devotion..."
Not that I've even seen one of those cards, I'm just saying...
So, I added a letter over here. Check it out; there are children in Africa ...Um... who won't give a shit either way but aren't you glad I reminded you that there are children in Africa?
Oh, and check out the videos on the bottom of the entry page back here; they're stupid. Ya gotta love that. And there are some banners for you to use if you wanna at the bottom of this page here. they're stupid, too, but you don't have to love them at all, I promise. oh, and happy new year, people.
12-26-00 (moneymakin'moneymoneymakin'superdiscodiscobreakin') So I've finally made a new page and it's not much now but I have high hopes for this little beauty. I've decided to make fun of assholes and throw it on here just so I can feel better about myself and impress people with my lack-of-spelling skills and slightly-funnier-than-an-indian-masacre wit. I'm sure I'll go far in this world of ours at the rate I'm going. Yippee.
So? How was your Christmas? Did you get the soiled undies I sent you?
pig-fuckin' eye.
On a happier note, have you noticed that when I get angry I swear a lot in incredibly unimaginative ways?
It's terrible.
I'm so crass.
