| Bob's Home Page |
| Number Six |
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| Just Before Bob's Operations. |
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| More Advice For Men |
| Tell a Woman |
| Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. |
| If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,expect an answer you don't want to hear. |
| Don't ask us a what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss topics like beer,cars or sport. |
| Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it. |
| More Advice For Women |
| Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in nappies. |
| If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him chequebooks. |
| Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell jokes, it means that you laugh at his. |
| The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions |
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| True Life |
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| Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder |
| I'm not a complete idiot,some parts are missing. |
| God must love stupid people,he made so many. |
| I took an IQ test.The results were negative. |
| Ever stop to think, and forget to start again ? |
| Beer - The reason I get up every afternoon. |
| I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. |
| Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. |
| Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. |
| Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. |
| Excuses From School |
| John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. |
| Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part. |
| Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. |
| Please excuse Ray from school. He has an acre in his side. |
| Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak. |
| Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps. |
| Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. |
| My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines. |
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| Mathematics of Life |
| To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. |
| To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all. |