Part I: PartingChapter 1: ThursdayChapter 2: Intermission Chapter 3: Responsibility Part II: Conditional LoveChapter 4: SalvageChapter 5: Compomise Chapter 6: Appearances Chapter 7: Steadfast Chapter 8: Scorecard Chapter 9: Middle Chapter 10: Haunting Part III: The ReckoningChapter 11: DeparturesChapter 12: Endurance Chapter 13: Letters Chapter 14: Contrition Chapter 15: Waning Chapter 16: Intervening Chapter 17: Detour Chapter 18: Reunion Chapter 19: Exclusive Chapter 20: Gifts Chapter 21: Pennance Part IV: The Third EventChapter 22: ConfidenceChapter 23: Priorities Chapter 24: Dichotomies Chapter 25: Questions Chapter 26: Inattentiveness Chapter 27: Impetuous Chapter 28: Caged Chapter 29: Secrets Chapter 30: Family Chapter 31: Unfulfilled Chapter 32: Drowning Chapter 33: Persistence Chapter 34: Falling Chapter 35: Promises |
Chapter 19: ExclusiveWhen the eastern light finally splashed into the shared room, Jessie had estimated that she had collectively gathered perhaps an hour of sleep. The rest of the night had been a kaleidoscope of the tiny snores from the beds all around the room, the patters of the ceiling tiles, and the occasional bed check by the employees. One had tried to engage Jessie earlier, reminding her she wasn’t the only child with a parent on death row, and she certainly would not be the last child who lost a parent to the death penalty. But even at the bottom of all of the truth, Jessie still was uncomforted.The second the room had turned a hazy gray; Jessie rolled out of bed and left to the communal showers. She had an initial itch to try drowning herself in the showers, but it would not be quick, and an eagle-eyed employee undoubtedly would find her in the nick of time. There was hope: she was going to see her mother die, macabre as that really was. Jessie was accompanied by her social worker to the gate before the death house. “Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?” For once the social worker seemed to care. Jessie didn’t know whether to be touched or to be sickened. “No, Dr. Boston will be there, I'll be okay.” Jessie clipped on the plastic tag that had been given to her before she got to the gate. As if you couldn’t tell me from a prisoner, I think those orange jumpsuits are a dead give away. “Well, you realize that there are reporters and the victim's families there. If they identify you, try to be civil.” The social worker tried to straighten Jessie's un-ironed clothes. “I'll try.” She pulled away. Jessie went into the dark room. Abbie had already been sedated for lethal injection. Reporters made small talk. While other people milled helplessly. Jessie took a seat in one of the rows and looked at Abbie. She sighed, there was nothing she could do. “You look a little young to be here. Shouldn't you be in school?” Asked an eager reporter with a note pad. “No one here is too young to be here.” It was Dr. Boston. She came over and put a hand on Jessie’s shoulder. “Thanks.” Jessie sighed as Dr. Boston sat down beside her. “We'll just hope you get used to reporters before you take on the International Junior Circuit.” She took Jessie's hand. “If you want to leave, at any time, just let me know.” Jessie pulled her hand back as if she had just touched acid. “I hear she has a kid. Hope that kid is locked up like her. Can't have the rest of the world ending up like her.” “She killed her husband and his wife. The kid probably is dead too.” “Serves her right.” “KOTB, What do you think, is it just that this woman who waited be punished by the death penalty for a crime she committed over seventeen years ago?” The microphone was right in Jessie's face. “I know she has regrets for what she did. She gave up more than she bargained for, and she accepts it freely. There are prices to pay for every choice. Some choices come in at a higher price. Abbie accepts this punishment, not as a martyr, but as someone who has been found legally guilty of a crime.” Jessie said. “What is you relation to Abbigal Marshal-Raycraft?” Asked the reporter. Jessie answered without thought. “I'm Jessica Raycraft. Abbie is my mother.” A wave of panic over came Jessie when she realized that she had answered. The reporter's face lit up with a different kind of light. Instantly, an arm’s length away, Jessica was unreachable to Dr. Boston. Jessie ignored the reporter’s further question, attracting the attention of the other reporters and the victims' families. A guard went in, breaking up the small mob and led Jessie out of the pack, taking Dr. Boston and Jessie to the ‘family cell’ of the small brick building. “Have you anything to say on your mother's behalf?” called an ambitious reporter. “For crying out loud, it's all in the family, I hope your family rots in Hell.” A woman said leaning over one of the chairs. Jessie allowed the noise to swirl around her. Dr. Boston wished she could protect Jessie better as they followed the guard into a second room. Pick your fight with Abbie, not the girl. She's not that strong. The metal door closed and the tempest subsided. Jessie’s gazed swung to the window that allowed her to see inside the chamber. She looked back to Dr. Boston for a second, then fixed her attention on Abbie and mentally began to say the rosary in mind. “Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen. Our father who art in heaven...” The clock ticked to five minutes before the hour, and a phone was answered inside a room on the far end where the warden and a doctor stood. The warden nodded his head and the drugs in the bags were dispensed. Jessie forced herself through the rosary silently as the seconds ticked away. “Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou amongst women, blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for us sinners now and in the hour of our death. Amen. Hail Mary...” As short as life is, and for as long as death is, Jessie kept herself focused as the life floated away form her mother's body. For as inglorious as her life was, so was Abbie's death and Jessie could respect that. Pray for us sinners now and in the hour of our death. “Amen.” mouthed one of the victim’s family members. Dr. Boston who hadn’t watched Abbie, but the daughter she left behind looked up as the doctors turned off the wailing machine that proclaimed Abbie’s heart and lungs were no longer functioning. Dr. Boston swallowed hard and then looked at Jessie. She had turned unusually pale standing there at the window. Instinctively, Dr. Boston crossed behind Jessie silently and put an arm around Jessie. To her surprise Jessie neither rejected it, considering she had never asked for it. I never got a chance to really know you, Abbie. So I guess there isn't a reason for me to cry. I can't loose anything I've never had. But for some reason, it seems the only appropriate thing to do. But I hate to tell you Abbie, I don't know how. Why didn't you ever let me? “Do you want to leave?” Dr. Boston asked quietly. “No. Let me stay here for a moment.” “Okay if I stay here too?” Jessie didn't bother to answer her eye never having left the one-way glass between her and Abbie's body. She put her hand on the glass. The warden came into the room. I'm going to miss you, Abbie. Mom. But at least you are never far away as you have been. After a moment, the warden spoke up. “Miss Raycraft? Your mother didn’t leave us any specific instructions, do you have any preference to how she is handled?” Jessie looked at the warden blankly for a moment. The middle-aged man felt her eyes pierce him as if the spirit of the woman who had just been put to death had settled into the child. He looked back up at the glass, reassuring himself that the elder Raycraft was on the other side under the white sheet. Dr. Boston spoke up for Jessie. “I’m afraid we’re going to wait until Jessie’s guardianship is settled. She cannot make any choices until then.” Gratefully Jessie nodded, and the warden complied. He handed Jessie his card. “Just contact me at the phone number at the bottom of the card, we’ll make sure that your choices are followed out the best we can.” As they left the building, the victim families again tried to swarm Jessie and Dr. Boston. “I suppose you learned something here. You won't be making the same mistake as your mom. Obey the law Little Girl.” Said one of the men. Guards from the prison came up again to keep the victims’ families back. As odious as their job may have been, the girl who was the sole family member of the deceased did not deserve to be harassed needlessly by the victims. They had gotten their peace; the criminal found guilty in trial was now dead, as they had wished. “I am not my mother's keeper.” Jessie growled back with little doubt in her voice. Dr. Boston watched Jessie carefully; she didn’t want Jessie to be backed into a corner with these hurtful people. Dr. Boston had never first hand seen Jessie fight, but she wouldn’t put it past Jessie to lash out when surrounded, and she sensed that Jessie’s tolerance level had been pushed to its fullest. “We'll see then.” He shouted after her. Guards escorted Dr. Boston and Jessie through to the outside. Outside, reporters ran after Dr. Boston and Jessie until, they pulled away in the car. “Don't worry Jessie, it won't get any worse.” Dr. Boston looked up in the rear view mirror where Jessie sat staring at the passing scenery. “What will it take for me to be emancipated?” her jaw was set on edge looking at the blurring scenery. “I don’t know Jessie, but I’m sure your social worker will know.” Dr. Boston answered. As much of a solution that court ordered emancipation would bring temporary relief, Dr. Boston doubted Jessie’s understanding of the working world. Jessie returned to the constructed boring life of the group home after lunch with Christine and Dr. Boston. She hadn’t been that hungry but Dr. Boston didn’t say much nor force her to eat. Undoubtedly, waiting for the final day when Jessie could go off on her own and find her own home was not far off in her mind now. In the back of Jessie’s mind there was some comfort knowing that Abbie had done all she could for the both of them.
Posted 200311.30-RHM |