Part I: PartingChapter 1: ThursdayChapter 2: Intermission Chapter 3: Responsibility Part II: Conditional LoveChapter 4: SalvageChapter 5: Compomise Chapter 6: Appearances Chapter 7: Steadfast Chapter 8: Scorecard Chapter 9: Middle Chapter 10: Haunting Part III: The ReckoningChapter 11: DeparturesChapter 12: Endurance Chapter 13: Letters Chapter 14: Contrition Chapter 15: Waning Chapter 16: Intervening Chapter 17: Detour Chapter 18: Reunion Chapter 19: Exclusive Chapter 20: Gifts Chapter 21: Pennance Part IV: The Third EventChapter 22: ConfidenceChapter 23: Priorities Chapter 24: Dichotomies Chapter 25: Questions Chapter 26: Inattentiveness Chapter 27: Impetuous Chapter 28: Caged Chapter 29: Secrets Chapter 30: Family Chapter 31: Unfulfilled Chapter 32: Drowning Chapter 33: Persistence Chapter 34: Falling Chapter 35: Promises |
Chapter 18: ReunionJessie lay awake on the bed reading the letter her mother had left her. By this point, Jessie had committed every single word to memory. The security light provided all the light she needed. Lights were switched off at nine and for the most part every child was tucked in sleeping soundly. There were a few who were still screaming and crying in another wing their echoes barreling down and reminding the others of the pain caused while they were in this last chance facility. Jessie almost wished she could join them, but knowing that she had outgrown the age at which tantrums were acceptable.She tucked the letter away under her mattress, wondering what might come out of seeing Abbie. Last night’s phone call from Dr. Boston mentioned that she had gone to meet Abbie. Dr. Boston reiterated the request to see Abbie before her sentence was carried out. Jessie had nearly bitten her tongue through when she had heard that. The swell of questions that still plagued her wanted to bubble up, but Jessie held them at bay. A staff member was supervising her as she took the phone call. Everything in the home was supervised. Jessie was surprised they didn’t bother supervising her in the shower, but even then she was certain that it would have been a possibility that they threw around. In two weeks, she would earn a restricted privilege that might allow her to play basketball outside. Even school was held here, but the teachers didn’t care what Jessie could do. Jessie was forced to answer pre-algebraic equations and identify the two letter codes of the periodic table. To challenge herself, Jessie decided to start doing the math problems mentally, but it was hardly enough of a challenge. A few teens in the ward tried to get Jessie to do their homework, but their roughhousing led only to Jessie stuffing them in the trashcans. “Now Miss Raycraft,” came the patronizing tone of their ‘Partners in life skills’ adult, “You cannot solve all your problems by stuffing them in the garbage. I think you should apologize to the others by beginning with the realization that you impeded their growth. And follow that up with some quality time with each of them. I’ll be making sure you do so.” Jessie wanted to puke dinner up when she heard that verdict. At least when she was yelled at, Jessie had the open door to yell back. Christine signed her name in the guest registry of the New Horizon’s Group Home For Troubled Teens. Christine felt that the title of the home was a misnomer when it came to Jessie. Jessie did have problems, Christine’s mother had hinted at them, but none of what her mother spoke about convinced her that Jessie was a lost cause. Her mother had mentioned that these group homes were freely scattered about the state as last resorts for many difficult children, both state wards and those who were placed by their parents. In many cases they were quite successful, but Dr. Boston highly doubted that the staff at this particular facility would be successful with Jessie. Jessie had taken fourteen years of tough love; she wasn’t going to respond well to an environment that was expressly to break what little spirit she had left. There wasn't much to the security of this group home despite the fact that they claimed to house some seriously mentally disturbed children. The fence was a simple chain link that ran around the facility on the county road twenty miles from nowhere. The front rooms had parents sitting and filling out forms, and the front offices were glass, and she could see a few families having some visiting time. Jessie was in room 8B. The wings were decorated from the waist down with pictures drawn by the children housed at the facility. Each had a crayoned name printed, sometimes as large as the page in the unsteady learning hand. It seemed another Jessie had called them last night, and it was welcome with open arms from both Dr. Boston and Christine who hadn’t heard anything from Jessie in the three weeks she had left the Caudills. Christine braced herself to see any variation of the Jessie she had grown to know. When Christine entered the long blank room, Jessie was lying on her bed scribbling out some homework. She was at the very end of a row of seven beds along either wall. The room was void of any real belonging. Grey closets sat next to each bed. “Hey, how do you like it here?” asked Christine coming over to Jessie. “Hey Chris.” She sounded depressed, but Jessie shook her head and began to fold up her homework. Just then, the kids who Jessie shared the room with all came back in a flood. Jessie sat up and motioned for Christine to sit down. “Where are the kids your age?” asked Christine scanning the room. There weren’t many children, but they seemed to run in a cohesive pack almost as a small tornado. “They limit the number of teens in group homes to seven per counselor. Here, they have enough staff, so they put me here.” Jessie shrugged and put up her homework as a small child dived onto her bed. A consoler came in and picked up the bouncing child and reprimanded her quietly. “Do you have to check out or something? I mean we do have enough time to get there?” “Yeah, thanks for coming.” “No problem, I'd do anything for you.” “Just be careful how you mean things like that.” She locked the closet doors and tucked the key into her pocket. Christine and Jessie walked out of Jessie's prison to Dr. Boston's waiting car. “How are you doing Jessie?” “Okay.” Dr. Boston leaned over and hugged Jessie tight. She returned the hug. Somehow it was all she really needed. The drive to the state Penitentiary was fairly uneventful. There wasn't much conversation, but some how, there wasn't any need for a conversation because there wasn't anything worth discussing. Words felt empty and couldn’t fill the curiosity and the fear that lingered around the back of Jessie’s mind. They pulled up into the tiny parking lot and entered the monumental building. They walked through the building into the waiting room right outside a steel door. The guard signaled to Jessie to go on in. Jessie walked in, hardly looking back and stood in the dark room as the steel door shut behind her. Jessie walked into the dark cell. She had never thought she would ever be here. Ever since she was old enough to understand...she never thought she would be graced or have this chance. Her belief in hope had long since disappeared. What do I say? What does she want? Out of instinct, Jessie looked at the shadowy corners, as if trying to find something. Abbie watched from her dark corner. She could hardly believe that the person who was standing there in front of her was Jessie. She came out from the shadows and walked nervously up to her. For the first time, Jessie saw her own mother. She had always called Livvie, 'Mom', but even her father had told her where her real mother was. “Jessie, Jessie.” She whispered. “I can't believe you came.” For Abbie, she had never seen her since the day Jessie left her arms. She wouldn't make that mistake again. Jessie’s ears caught the whisper and turned. Abbie came out of the shadows. Unease crept into both of them, and Jessie wiped her hands on the seams of her pants. “I wish there was more time.” Jessie scuffed the toe of her sneaker. She wanted to look away, but she held her mother’s gaze. “Were they good to you, the other families?” Abbie motioned to the stools bolted into the ground separated by a table. The cameras were trained upon them both, keeping Abbie from any physical contact with Jessie. “Mostly, I was a rotten kid.” Jessie’s vision blurred as she sat down. “Not my kid. You are everything that we need. I wish I could have been there for everything. I hear you are quite a fighter.” Abbie sighed and took a ragged breath. “I'm sorry Jessie. You suffered for the one right I had left.” I’m talking with my kid. God, please don’t let me screw this one chance I have with her. She prayed. “I'm sorry too Abbie. But it’s okay.” Jessie steadied her voice, it hovered around a whisper, and she barely trusted herself to look Abbie in the eye. I’m nervous too. After some more stone cold silence, Abbie asked, “Will you be there tomorrow?” Jessie squared herself off. “Yeah, Dr. Boston's pretty cool, she got me out of school for tomorrow, but I guess I'm going to have a lot of meetings with school counselors. Apparently I’m supposed to be automatically traumatized. Sorry Abbie, but you’ve been waiting here since I was born. I think I’m over that part.” The honesty in Jessie was uncanny, and somehow, Abbie was glad that Jessie wouldn’t suffer because of her impending death. She had sentenced her daughter to the worse kind of parenting possible, but Jessie sat before her, with all the body language of someone who was destined to overcome her past. “There’s more for you to deal with than you think. They still don't know what happened to your father and Livvie. Jessie, do you know?” There was a slight pause. “Yeah. I don't remember everything, but I think I do know most of it.” She looked away, wishing that there were something she could stare at that would be more interesting than the slate gray brick. “You owe it to them, to go back and let them know that.” Abbie wished for a second she could reach out and hug Jessie. For once, her words were not even convincing to her. “I will.” Jessie caught Abbie directly. Their eyes locked, and Abbie knew without question the level of integrity that Jessie held herself to. And in that instant, there wasn’t anything else to say. Jessie braved the question she had never thought to ask. “Abbie, no one told me why you’re here. No one seems to know.” Abbie took a long drag for a moment and then blew smoke into the lingering air above them. “I wish you were younger. I could get away with telling you that I did something so bad that no one will ever forgive me.” “Did you ever appeal?” “I didn’t appeal until after your father disappeared. I didn’t want you out there alone. I did try to get out for you kid.” “Am I ever going to know what you did?” Abbie shook her head. “It’s not for you to worry about Jessie. I know you won’t do what I did. You are a good kid, no matter what anyone else said or will say. You’ll do your father and I justice.” Jessie shook her head and tipped it to one side asking, “Anything you want to know about me? I’m sorry now that I stopped writing to you.” “Don’t be. You were ten; you were old enough to make that choice. I mean it Jessie. You’re going to be one hell of an adult Jessie. I’ve seen your report cards from time to time. You’re a smart…”Abbie trailed off in hesitation between calling Jessie a ‘girl’ and ‘young woman’. Neither seemed to fit Jessie quite well. There were just too many questions. Has she had her first kiss? Is she seeing anyone? What does she think her future holds? Abbie knew that the questions were best left unanswered. Fourteen years in two hours was unthinkable. And what can I tell her? My last fourteen years involved me getting up to the same cellblock daily and doing the same stuff, I’m no role model for her. “Anything you want done after you’re…” Jessie couldn’t quite come to terms with the proper term. Dead? Put to death? Gone? You’d think there’d be a handbook or something. “You make the calls kid. You let whoever you think should know. I’ll take my fate with all I’ve got. I’m sorry for what I’ve done; it’s taken me away from you. I’ve missed out on everything that’s worth knowing about you.” “I wouldn’t be who I am if you were out.” Jessie looked up from the scratched metal table. Unfamiliar gang marks, euphemisms and sexual comments were etched into the small table. “No, you’d be who you are, you wouldn’t have gotten there by the same path.” Countered Abbie. Not wanting to do so, Abbie gave one last order, “Go, I need to talk to Dr. Boston about you.” Jessie turned, a little dejected, to go out of the room. “Abbie,” “Yeah?” Abbie had turned away so she could light a cigarette. “Thanks. It wasn’t perfect, but I understand now.” Abbie smiled, she had no idea why. “Go you little slugger.” Her heart yearned to just touch Jessie once, but the guard standing by the door was her reminder of what she could and couldn’t do. Quickly, she wiped away the tears that Jessie hadn’t seen the entire time she sat across from her. It had been entirely surreal. Jessie was real, alive, healthy, and on her way to being a remarkable woman that could contribute to the world. Dr. Boston entered, leaving the girls outside together. “She's never smiled before, I'm glad you took the chance you did to see her.” “Well, I would rather do that than have a long after life of wondering if I had ever done the right thing.” Abbie started before Dr. Boston could say something to reply. “I wanted to thank you for all the time you've given Jessie. That one week, and now is more than I ever expected from anyone out there.” After a moment, Abbie spoke up as she blew smoke into the tiny room. “You know, you’re the first one to come on Jessie’s behalf that hasn’t outright demanded that I give Jessie up.” “I fought everyone. Went to court a couple of times and there were nights and days I was sure I was going to loose her.” Smoke wafted from Abbie’s lips as she smoked. “I played chess with her future and for that I’ve been called every name in the book when it comes to Jessie. But she was worth every minute of it.” Abbie lit yet another cigarette, tossing the butt of the previous one across the concrete floor and over by the floor drain. Dr. Boston listened. “Why did you come? I know why Jessie came.” “For Jessie.” “She’s in a group home now. And she was never in your home to begin with. Yet you still came.” Abbie pressed. Dr. Boston wasn’t giving her answers she was familiar with. No one, to her knowledge had ever done anything for Jessie, except for Mark and his wife. But Mark was her father, and he was at least responsible for her. “Fate crossed our paths. I know I don’t have every right in the world to Jessie, but if it matters to her, then I can help wherever I can. She’s only just beginning to discover her life.” Abbie took a long drag on her cigarette mulling over what Dr. Boston had said. “It's easy to forget that little things are important in life in here. She's a great kid, keep an eye out for her, please.” “You didn't have to ask, I would have any way..” The comment was from mother to mother. It was strange to Abbie. She had never had support from another parent before. “Dr. Boston, I’m selfish when it comes to Jessie. I have very few rights, but I allowed myself that one.” She laughed. “If that makes me a bad person, I’ve already been tried and convicted of that.” Dr. Boston offered a smile. “She’s a special kid, I never had any idea how special.” Mused Abbie. “Visiting time is up Ms. Marshal.” Abbie put out her cigarette and walked to the door with the waiting guard. “Jessie will be here tomorrow.” Dr. Boston called after Abbie. “She told me. Thanks again.” “It is my pleasure.” Dr. Boston said firmly.
Posted 200311.30-RHM |