Another Goo Story
By: Rebekah Parham

-42-

John walked back into her room and sat down. "Kayla" He whispered so she would open her eyes. I looked up to see him reaching for my hand. For a moment I was glad he had come but then I knew he must already know everything. I pulled my hand back and turned my head away. "Kayla, please look at me."

"She told you didn't she. Reagan promised me that she wouldn't tell you" I said beginning to cry.

"Kayla, Reagan didn't tell me, Robby did."

"I knew she would find some way around our promise."

"Kayla, we don't have time to argue over what Reagan did or didn't do. Right now we need to talk about this baby." I shook my head so violently that I got dizzy. "Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

"I didn't want to get your hopes up and then not be able to...." I broke off crying. "I am so sorry, John."

"Kayla, this isn't your fault. I don't blame you, I blame me." he said ashamed.

"This isn't your fault I was the one that insisted we not stop at the cabin. You tried to tell me we could wait and I wouldn't listen" I said crying. "John, the doctors don't think we can have this baby, but I know we can. I can feel it kicking i know it wants to live."

"You know that you can't have this baby. The doctors are...."

"No, I don't want to kill it." I panicked.

"Kayla, if you don't, then it will kill you, and we have worked too hard to be together for you to die on me now." He leaned down to kiss the top of my head and he whispered, "I know that you will thank me for this one day."

My eyes widened as I saw the nurse injecting something into my IV. I tried to protest but the medicine was working too fast and making it hard to hold my eyes open.

John waited until I had been taken out of the room and into surgery to go find Reagan and Robby. He found them in the waiting room down the hall. "Did she agree to do it?" Reagan asked as soon as he walked through the door.

"They just took her into surgery."

"Thank you, John, for convincing her to do this." Reagan said going over to him and hugging him.

"I didn't convince her." he said.

"What?" Reagan said stepping back.

"She still didn't want to go through with the procedure." He saw the stricken look on Reagan's face. "I couldn't risk loosing her, Reagan."

"I know. You did the right thing. I would have done the same thing had the doctors let me decide." Reagan said. "You know we are probably going to have hell to pay for this when she wakes up." she said trying to brake the somber mood that had settled in.

"I know" was all John said. After several minutes of silence John asked, "Reagan why didn't you tell me sooner that she was pregnant?"

"I tried to get Kayla to tell you, but you know how she is. She was terrified after they told her she couldn't carry it."

"That's exactly why you should have told me. What if she would have died?" John said angrily.

"John, Reagan was only doing what Kayla asked." Robby said in Reagan's defense.

Six hours later, the doctor came out to talk to everyone. They all saw him at the same time and stood up to meet him. "How is she?" John and Reagan asked together.

"We started to perform the operation but we were too late." Reagan grabbed Robby's hand without even realizing it when she heard that.

"Are you saying that Kayla...." John said but couldn't finish.

"Kayla, had already had a miscarriage. There was so much blood surrounding the fetus that we had to remove the uterus and one of her ovaries. She was given two pints of blood and we finally got her stabilized. She is still in recovery, but she is awake."

"Can we see her?" John asked.

"No, she asked that we not let any visitors in."

They all looked shocked, "She can't possibly mean that" Reagan finally said.

"Right now our main concern is to keep Kayla calm. If she gets upset, she could start hemorrhaging again. So my advice to you, is that you is to give her some time, some space to let her adjust to what she has just gone through. I'm sure in time she will come around." He turned and walked away from them.

"I guess this is part of that hell, you said. we would have to pay," John said to Reagan

-43-

"Kayla" I heard the doctor say my name. I looked up to see him standing at the end of my bed with a chart in his hands. "I am Dr. Russell. How are you feeling?"

"A little groggy" I said still sleepy.

"That's to be expected." He walked around to the side of the bed and sat down. "Do you have any questions about what happened?" he asked gently.

"Did you kill my baby?" I asked horrified.

"No, by the time we started the procedure you had already had a miscarriage." He stopped talking when he saw the tear slide out of the corner of my eye. "Maybe I should come back later" he said returning the chart to it's place at the end of my bed..

"No, please finish. I want to know what happened."

He sat down on the edge of my bed and handed me a tissue. "Because you were already almost five months along we had to go in to remove the fetus. There was a large amount of blood surrounding the fetus. In order to prevent any further bleeding we had to remove your uterus along with one of your ovaries."

We sat in silence a moment. After what he had said finally sunk in I asked, "Could you tell if the baby was a boy or girl?"

For a minute, I didn't think he was going to tell me, then he quietly said, "It was a boy."

"Thank you" I whispered.

"You're friends are waiting to see you..."

"No, I don't want them to come in here. I don't want to see them at all." I said trying to sit up in the bed.

"Kayla, you have to lie back. You can't move around like that, you could rip your incision open. If you don't want any visitors we won't allow them in" he said trying to calm me down. I laid back down and tried to relax. I put my hand on my stomach the way I had done everyday since I found out I was pregnant, but this time it was different. Usually I would get a rush of excitement, now I only felt empty. "Kayla, would you like to talk to someone? We have a lady that works in the hospital, Jane, she has went through this before, maybe she could help you."

"No, I don't need anyone to talk to. I will be fine on my own." I said.

"All Right. If you need anything just let the nurses know. I will be back to check on you later. Try to get some rest." he said walking out the door.





"It's been three days, they still won't let us see her" Reagan said pacing the waiting room for about the hundredth time that day.

"It's Kayla that won't let us see her" John said gruffly.

"This is ridiculous, she doesn't need to go through this alone. She needs her friends."

John stood up and walked over to the water fountain. "She doesn't think of us as her friends right now. She thinks we betrayed her." John once again took his seat beside Robby. None of them had been off the fifth floor in three days. When Robby suggested that they go home and rest, John and Reagan both jumped down his throat. "Reagan" John said trying to get her attention.

"Yeah" she said, faintly aware that someone had called her name.

"Why wasn't Kayla able to carry this child? I know that she told us a long time ago that she couldn't have children, but she never said why."

Reagan walked over to the seat in front of John and sat down. "She was in a car accident when she was twelve.  She went through the windshield. A piece of glass went into her stomach, cutting her uterus in half. There was so much scar tissue that they told her she could never carry a child because her uterus couldn't withstand the weigh of the baby." Reagan closed her eyes while she remembered back when Kayla had first told her she couldn't have children. "I remember how heart broken Kayla was when they told her she couldn't have children. Her aunt had just had a baby a year earlier. Adam, was his name. Kayla was all the time fussing over him and baby-sitting him. Every time you saw Kayla, she had Adam with her. They were very close until Kayla found out she couldn't have children. Then she stopped baby-sitting for him and never wanted to be around children." Reagan stopped trying to hold back her tears. "I asked her why she stopped going around him and she told me it was easier for her to push him away than to want something she knew she could never have." Reagan looked up to see the tears in both John and Robby's eyes.

"I broke her heart twice" John said standing up. "Why couldn't I have just left her alone?" the question was more to himself than to anyone else. He didn't give Robby or Reagan a chance to say anything because he had already walked out of the waiting room.

"Will he be all right?" Reagan asked Robby.

"He just needs to be by himself right now." Robby told her. "What about you, are you going to be all right?"

"Not until I know that Kayla has forgiven me." Reagan said looking down at her hands.

"She will, just give her some time."

-44-

I woke up to find John sitting beside my bed. I just looked at him and waited for him to start talking but he didn't so I said, "I thought I told them I didn't want any visitors."

"I slipped by the nurse at the nurse's station. How are you feeling?" he asked slowly.

"How do you think I am feeling?" I snapped at him.

"Kayla, I know...."

"You don't know. You couldn't possibly know what I am going through, so don't tell me that you understand."

"The doctor said it wasn't good for you to get upset, so please calm down." he said trying to pat my hand but I moved it away.

"I am not a child, so don't treat me as if I were" I said accusingly. "Why are you here?"

"I just need to make sure that you are all right." he whispered.

"Oh I'm just dandy, can't you tell?" I said a bit too cheerfully.

"Kayla, you don't have to put on an act for me. I know how much you wanted that baby."

"I don't need or want your sympathy, John.   Now, if you don't have anything else to say I want you to leave."

"I want to help you get through this."

"How do you want to help me? You want to listen to me tell you about how excited I was when I found out I was going to have a baby? Your baby.  I thought we would finally have our chance to be together."

"Kayla, we can still have that chance if you will stop pushing me away."

I turned to stare directly into his clear blue eyes. "You don't get it do you? That baby was our last chance, and now that chance is dead" I said vindictively. I knew I was hurting him and I wanted to.  I wanted him to hurt as much as I was hurting. "Get out John. You don't belong here."

"I belong with you, Kayla. We belong together."

"I don't want you. I don't want anything to do with you. Get out." I screamed.

"Kayla, you weren't the only one that lost something here.   I lost that baby just as much as you did."

"You weren't there for the five months I could feel it growing inside me. You weren't there when you doctors told me I couldn't have my baby.  That I should kill it. You weren't there for any of it." I screamed through tears of pain.

"You never told me. How could I have known you were pregnant?  I thought you were marrying Zack. Kayla, you know if I had known I would have been by your side the entire time" John said as two nurses ran in the room.

"What is going on in here?" one of the nurses yelled. "You aren't suppose to be in here. I'm afraid I am going to ask you to leave." she said trying to push John out the door. He didn't budge, he was watching the other nurse try to calm me down. "Sir, if you don't leave I will have to call security." John took one last look at me and walked out of the room. He stormed through the waiting room where Reagan and Robby were sitting, not saying a word to either of them.

"What was that all about?" Reagan asked as she watched John go through the door to the stairwell.

"I don't know, but I better go find out." Robby said following John.

John was standing outside the hospital when Robby came out the door. "Man, what just happened?"

"I saw Kayla."

"How is she?" Robby asked trying not to pry.

"She blames me for everything because I wasn't there, because I let them do the procedure. She hates me and I don't blame her for it. I hate myself.".

"John, you didn't know Kayla was pregnant. It's not your fault this baby died. It's not her fault either. Sometimes these things just happen, nobody knows why, they just do."

"Why did it have to happen to her?" John said, leaning the back of his head against the brick wall behind him.

"I don't know, but you will work through this." Robby said

John looked over at Robby and started shaking his head, "I don't know if we are going to be able to work through this, Rob."

Continue Another Goo Story ...

~ Home ~ John ~ Robby ~ Mike ~ Pictures ~ Story ~
~ Email Me ~ Sign My Guestbook ~ View My Guestbook ~

Visitors Since May 17, 2000