Long after the bird is gone
And when the rose has lost its bloom
Its fragrance lingers on
And though we cannot see the ones
From whom we've had to part
Their memory, like a melody
Still lives with the heart!
I feel as if I am buried alive
Yet I smile and respond with "Fine, thank you."
I have been appropriately conditioned, like fine leather
That no one wants to hear the painful truth.
An essential part of me, a limb
A constituent of my earthly being
Has been violently amputated.
Yet I laugh at the mediocre conversations
A verbal splash in a shallow puddle
Pretending to be a player of the words
That no longer have meaning.
My heart has been ripped from my bosom
No benevolence granted
No explanation
No apologies
Only cataclysmic pain
Only agony
No anesthesia remains, just the bitter pain.
Yet I wear the mask
Day to Day.
Pretending I fit in
But really I'm a foreigner to this new land
An alien language they speak.
And as I attempt to translate the words
Still, they mean nothing to me.
Sequestered in the mask
They hear not the music I dance to
Nor the words I speak
Nor the pain I echo
Nor the native language of my eyes
They will never really know me, behind the mask.
Dear Cheyenne � 1996 revised 1998 by Joanne Cacciatore
The mention of my child's name
May bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring
Music to my ears.
If you are really my friend,
Let me hear the melody of his name.
It soothes my broken heart
And sings to my soul.
If sunshine had never met rain
No one would ever need comfort
If there was no sadness and pain
But life holds both sunshine and showers
The days aren't all bright and fair
So look through the showers for the rainbows
You'll always find hope shining there
~anonymous
I am not there, I do not sleep
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.
Could you please just listen?
My baby has died. Please don't tell me you know how I feel .
You don't. You can't. I hope you never do. Don't tell me that
she's with God and I should be happy. How can I be happy
when every time I go to her nursery all I see is an empty crib
and toys that will never be played with? How can I be happy
when my arms ache to hold her?
Please don't tell me God needed another angel It's hard for
me to understand why God would take away this little one
who was so loved. Maybe I will understand later. But for
right now...let God find another angel. Please, please,
please don't tell me I'll have other children. Maybe I will...
but my daughter was not a puppy that ran away...
she can't be replaced.
Maybe you could just listen when I remember out loud
all the things we did together...the walks,the early
morning feedings, the first time she rolled over.
Maybe you could just sit with me while
I cry over all the things we'll never do together.
Please don't tell me it could be worse. How?
I really don't want to hear about your grandfather's death.
It's not the same. Don't think my pain will be eased by
comparison. Of course I'm glad that she didn't suffer,
but I'd be a lot happier if she hadn't died at all.
I know it must be hard for you, but would you mind looking
at her picture just one more time, we don't have many of her
and I'm just a little bit afraid that I may forget what she
looked like. She wasn't here that long you know.
Could you please just listen?
Don't tell me I'll get over it. There is no "over it", only
through it. Maybe you could just be with me while
I take my first steps through it. Please don't tell me I
should be glad she was just a baby, or that at least I
didn't get to know her. I knew her before I saw her.
She was a part of me. And now she's gone. I haven't
just lost a four-month old baby. I lost a part of myself.
I know you mean well, but please don't expect me to
tell you how to help me. I'd tell you if I knew, but right
now I can hardly put one foot in front of the other.
Maybe if you looked around, you could find some
things to do, like taking my dog for a walk, or doing
the dishes, or making some coffee.
PLEASE DON'T TRY TO REMOVE MY PAIN
OR DISTRACT ME FROM IT. I HAVE TO FEEL
THIS WAY FOR NOW.
~Debbie Gemmill
Look in my eyes way deep within and tell me what you see?
Look in my eyes and please my friend, do not turn from me
Knowing death has aged my face, grief my hair turned grey
But I am in here somewhere, if only you would stay
Why do you turn to leave when I walk in the room
I once was met with smiles, now with only doom
I did not not die with him, I am alive in part
My body still will function, only death is in my heart.
Why do you panic so, afraid to speak his name?
Are you frightened you'll remind me because its not the same?
You need not be so nervous to look me in the eye
I need the reassurence that you will let me cry
I'm so sorry that his death has made you uncomfortable
I wish too that I"d go back and ease my wounded soul
Death is not contagious nor grief a common thread
Its okay to cry with me because you know he's dead
Look in my eyes, way deep within and tell me what you see
If you can look past this outer shell then you will finally see me.
I am alive in here you see and looking for some rest
If you can see through that my friend, then you have seen the best
You don't know how I feel; please don't tell me that you do
There's just one way to know--have you lost a child too?
"You'll have another child"--must I hear this every day?
Can I get another mother, too, if mine should pass away?
Don't say it was "God's will"--that's not the God I know.
Would God, on purpose, break me heart, then watch as my tears flow?
"You have an angel in heaven--a precious child above."
But tell me, to whom here on earth shall I give this love?
"Aren't you better yet?" Is that what I heard you say?
No! A part of my heart aches and I'll always feel some pain.
You think that silence is kind, but it hurts me even more.
I want to talk about my child who has gone through death's door.
Don't say these things to me, although you do mean well.
They do not take my pain away; I must go through this hell.
I will get better, slow but sure--and it helps to have you near.
But a simple "I'm sorry you lost your child" is all I need to hear.
~Gail Fasolo
Do you really think that I'm okay?
Though my son has gone away?
Do you think because I smile
I have forgotten for a while?
I have to tell you that you are wrong.
He's on my mind all day long.
Though I may not let it show
He's always on my mind you know.
Why do you turn when I speak his name?
Do you not know it causes more pain?
Can you comprehend how I feel?
My son was here...he was real.
I miss my child, but I must hide
The terrible pain I feel inside.
The lump in my throat it hurts so bad
Because I can't cry although I'm sad.
I can barely speak his name
For fear that it might cause "you" pain.
I miss my Josh...I miss him so
I just thought that you should know.
Even though I laugh and play
I didn't forget my son today.
Please say his name now and then.
Please...say "Josh" again.
~Debbie Derosier
JOSH
Mar. 27, 1985
Jun. 16, 1999
A million times we've needed you
A million times we have cried,
If love alone could have saved you
You never would have died.
In Life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still,
For in our hearts you hold A place
no-one could ever fill.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you did not go alone,
For a part of us went with you
The day God took you home.
~Author Unknown
Why God takes little ones
I swear I'll never know
You had so much life to live
It just wasn't time to go.
For comfort now, I think of you
With tiny little wings
Up above, in a Beautiful Place,
Listening to angels sing.
You'll never know the pain I feel
The hurt you left behind.
Oh, what I wouldn't give
To hold you one more time.
I carried you in my womb,
Then carried you in my arms
And now, until it no longer beats
I'll carry you in my heart
~Jan Todd
The door is closed. The lights turned off
The closet stands bare.
All the room once waiting
for the child that should be there.
Sorrow wells up inside of us,
Our Tears an endless flow,
All because we miss the child
The child we'll never know.
No camping trips, No soccer games,
Nor late evening talks,
No baseball camps or shopping trips
No shaded mountain walks.
We have not even memories
To help through times like these
We only have each other
as we go down on our knees.
To plead with you our Father,
To take this pain away...
To help us know your love
Will guide us through each day.
We may never know the reasons
For this terrible tragedy;
But we can know you love us
through all life's mysteries.
Our time was far too brief,
It was over before its start...
But our little Angel left behind
Footprints Across Our Heart.
~W. Patrick Queen
There's a special Angel in Heaven
that is a part of me.
It is not where I wanted her
but where God wanted her to be.
She was here but just a moment
like a nighttime shooting star.
And although she is in Heaven
she isn't very far.
She touched the hearts of many
like only an Angel can do.
I would've held her every minute
if the end I only knew.
So I send this special message
to the Heaven up above.
Please take care of my Angel
and send her all my love.
~Author Unknown
I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.
He referred to the dates on her tombstone.
From the beginning...to the end.
He noted that first came her date of birth
And spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all
Was the dash between those years. (1934 -1998)
For that dash represents all the time
That she spent alive on earth...
And now only those who loved her
Know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own;
The cars...the house...the cash,
What matters is how we live and love
And how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard...
Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left,
That can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough
To consider what's true and real,
And always try to understand
The way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger,
And show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives
Like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect,
And more often wear a smile...
Remembering that this special dash
Might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy's being read
With your life's actions to rehash...
Would you be proud of the things they say
About how you spent your dash?
~Author Unknown
I'll lend you for a little time
a child of mine He said...
For you to love the while she lives,
and mourn for when she's dead.
It may be one or two years, or forty two or three;
But will you, till I call her back,
take care of her for me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you.
And should her stay be brief,
You'll have her lovely memories
as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay,
since all from earth return:
But the lessons taught down here,
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over
in search of teachers true
and from the throngs that crowd life's lane
I have decided you.
Now will you give her all your love
nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to call
to take her back again?
I fancied that I heard them say
"Dear Lord. Thy will be done.
For all the joys this child will bring
the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll love her while we may,
and for the happiness we've known
forever grateful stay.
And should the angels call for her,
much sooner than we planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that came
and try to understand.
by Helen Steiner Rice
When JESUS lived upon the earth
so many years ago,
He called the children close to HIM
because HE loved them so...
And with that tenderness of old,
that same sweet, gentle way,
He holds your little loved one close
within HIS ARMS today...
And you'll find comfort in your faith
that in HIS HOME ABOVE
The GOD of little children gives
your little one HIS LOVE...
So think of your little darling,
lighthearted and happy and free
Playing in GOD'S PROMISED LAND
where there is JOY ETERNALLY.
born to show many of God's everlasting love.
The lord has a special plan for your life that He will later show.
You are precious in His sight, this I know.
Those who love you have waited so long for you;
you were a suprise that only God knew!
May God bless you and keep you each day,
showing you in life of His way.
I pray that you will always be blessed with such love
as you walk someday with your Lord above.
My beloved Sarah, you are a gift in my heart,
I love you more each day even tho we are apart.
Auntie 'D'
12/6/94
My sister wrote this after Sarah was born.
She read it at Sarah's funeral at our request.
Oh Sarah she was
Even for such a short, short time
Oh lord how she touched our lives
Wake up in the morning
mom it's time to play
no time to clean up
we must be on our way
Lord we thank you for the life you give
we know that you can take away
the burning question in all our hearts
is why you coulndn't let her stay?
Wait for daddy in the afternoon,
behind the front door screen,
He prays that she might be there,
from now on, only in his dreams
E. Holland
September 1997
Sarah's here, memories of her two birthdays on earth are ever near.
She plays along gold paved streets with Angels all around, hearing the voice
of Jesus, what
a wonderful sound.
This is Sarah's first birthday in Heaven; I'm sure you miss the celebration
this day would
usually bring; even so, this date shall always be her birthday; now for her
the Angels sing.
Love in the Lord,
Mary
Sarah's Auntie D
Written for Sarah's first birthday in
heaven, 2 months after she died.
