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Because of course, you're dying to know.

Basic facts:

Her name is Jennifer. “Jennifer” is derived from the Cornish “Guinevere” and means, variously, ‘enchanting’, ‘fair’, ‘yielding’, ‘whitewave’, ‘white fairy’ and ‘white spirit’. However, she has also been known to answer (sometimes rather reluctantly) to Jen, Furry Jen, Mrs. Jenni-fwah, Mariposa, Indigo, Asuyete, Bookworm, Bean, Beancake, Stripper, Munchkin Queen and That Girl That Knows Lots Of Words.

She is 20 and annoyed that she's not a teenager anymore. Her birthday is February 15th, making her Aquarius. She finds the astrological profiles tend to be pretty accurate but the horoscopes themselves are rather rubbish.

She lives in Bristol, England. Sometimes she likes it there, sometimes it gets on her nerves. It’s worth it because there’s a place called Fishponds. Everyone’s so used to it they don’t think it’s funny.

She likes to write. Should her scriptwriting dream not come to pass, she intends to write a very stupid self-help book and see how many gullible Americans set up websites to her and claim she’s changed their lives.

She calls herself a Pagan, or a Witch. She does not require saving.

She’s a bit strange. So she hangs around other people who are a bit strange.

She doesn’t do hate. She has forgiven everybody. But she does have a tendency to get righteously indignant about things.

Incidentally, she thinks ‘indignant’ is a great word.

She looks like this:

   

...on a good day with make-up and lighting and a professional cameraman, but don't let's dwell on that.

75 random things about me and mine

  1. I study Creative Writing, which is a little pointless, really, but it was the only way to ensure I’d actually do my homework.
  2. My little brother Jamie is the funniest kid in the entire world and one day I am going to force television executives to give him a TV show. He’s great at doing impressions. He’s also an annoying genius who is really going to show me up one day.
  3. Having said that, I really am extremely clever. Modesty is way overrated.
  4. “Queen Psychotic Fool” comes from a Skunk Anansie B-side called “King Psychotic Size”.
  5. I have collected thirty Skunk Anansie B-sides and I’m still searching. Help would be greatly appreciated.
  6. Once I saw Blondie in concert and came over all star-struck.
  7. Other fabulous bands/singers: Queen, Morcheeba, Otis Redding, Sarah McLachlan, Guns N’ Roses, Joan Jett, Sex Pistols, Muse, Smashing Pumpkins, and the early stuff of No Doubt, Garbage, Oasis, Stereophonics. Also Aqua and Wham! Ha.
  8. I have a penchant for cheesy School Disco-type music. What? It’s great.
  9. I make great cakes. I’m learning to make them in shapes now, and so far I’ve made a pirate ship (sails, wafer decking and everything) for my boyfriend and a pumpkin for my brother.
  10. I love Disney films, especially The Little Mermaid and The Lion King.
  11. My friend Jess is the most fun person on the planet. She just is.
  12. I’m really sensitive to temperature. I can go from boiling to freezing in five point three seconds.
  13. I sing all the time. I mean constantly. You cannot shut me up. I’ve been taking lessons for years, so it’s not too tortuous an experience unless you spend a lot of time with me.
  14. I can’t stop buying notebooks.
  15. My hair reached down to my waist for about ten years, then in 2003 I cut most of it off. It scared the crap out of everyone.
  16. My boyfriend Adam is a serious nerd. Once I adjusted to the Star Trek thing it was fine.
  17.  I have a six-inch scar on my right ankle from when I slipped at school three years ago.
  18. They put a metal plate and eight screws in there. It's only just come out again.
  19. This has understandably traumatised me and I can no longer walk down slopes without undergoing a minor panic attack.
  20. Speaking of school, my school made it into a list of the top 50 in the country. It was the only one in the city to do so. It’s an all-girls’ private school. I’m glad I’ve left because the new headmistress is shockingly tacky (plastic flowers and billboards, honestly. It’s supposed to be a classy establishment).
  21. I’m a huge Terry Pratchett fan. I like Death and the witches.
  22. I speak OK-ish Spanish and I can sing in Italian. I do a great Mozart aria.
  23. When it comes to TV, I like Little Britain, The Simpsons and Have I Got News For You, but I haven’t got time for much else. Except Buffy.
  24. I like to pick things up, throw them down and go “eh eh ehhhh!”
  25. I once played the executioner in Alice in Wonderland. I stole the axe afterwards.
  26. At my sixth form prom, I won the award for Most Likely To End Up On An Internet Porn Site.
  27. Films I love: Gremlins and Gremlins 2, Talk To Her, Y Tu Mama Tambien, American Beauty, The Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Blues Brothers.
  28. I really hate horror films. I cannot watch them.
  29. I have a tendency to rant.
  30. I have nasal schizophrenia. I smell things that aren’t there.
  31. Aardvarks are the best animals ever. And “aardvark” is the best word ever.
  32. I’m on a constant self-improvement scheme. It seems to be working, albeit slowly.
  33. I have a somewhat worrying tendency to name everything Fred.
  34. Whenever I’m alone, I dance around. I can’t help it. I also dance along to background music in shops.
  35. I can insult people in the following languages: English, Spanish, Italian, French, German, Greek, Hindi, Latin.
  36. I read a lot of self-help books, but apart from You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay, they’ve all been rubbish. I search in vain for another good one.
  37. I’m not a pessimist, but my mind insists on going through everything that could possibly go wrong. Possibly I think that if I think it’ll happen, it won’t. This goes against all the self-help books, but I’m expecting a good time then I don’t tend to get one.
  38. There’s a goblin in my room. He’s stolen my electric toothbrush.
  39. I am a bad influence on your children. I’ve been told so several times.
  40. I drink stupid amounts of milk.
  41. I don’t have political leanings as all the parties’ policies are rubbish. Considering voting Raving Monster Loony.
  42. Put me in a cheesy club and I won’t stop dancing until three in the morning. Call me the Duracell bunny. Actually, don’t.
  43. I have a compulsion to learn things. I don’t like not understanding what’s going on.
  44. I have a theory about almost everything. Including aardvarks and manhole covers. Just ask.
  45. You can’t beat me down. I shall scratch your eyes out with my calcium-enforced fingernails. Grrr.
  46. I won silver award at both Junior and Intermediate Maths Challenge. This was done mostly by guesswork.
  47. One of my favourite books is Chocolat by Joanne Harris. I refuse to watch the film because they’ve changed the priest to the mayor to avoid offending anyone, and have probably taken out everything else I loved about it too.
  48. One day Adam and I are going to have two cats, called Cotton Socks and Fuzzbomb.
  49. I have trashy-bonkbuster addiction. I just can’t stop myself.
  50. Part of me wants to be a fashion designer. Except I’d be rubbish at it.
  51. I cry at really stupid songs that I have absolutely no reason to cry at.
  52. I don’t like the Beatles and I don’t understand why everyone finds this so hard to comprehend. I don’t understand why people like Dido so much either.
  53. The world needs to get over posh-boy whinge rock. It’s awful stuff.
  54. Nor am I a Harry Potter fan.
  55. I have really nice breasts. Yeah.
  56. Three years working in Sainsbury’s showed me how truly enormous my brain is.
  57. I’ve never smoked, and I don’t drink much anymore. I can get my kicks my ownself.
  58. I still like a good sugar high, mind.
  59. My favourite director is Pedro Almodóvar. I am mildly obsessed. Only mildly.
  60. I watch The Simpsons way too much.
  61. I really hate bad spelling and grammar. I mean I really can’t stand it.
  62. Funny people: Paul Merton, Matt Lucas, Ross Noble, Omid Djalili, Jack Dee, Oscar Wilde.
  63. There is nothing more amusing than English politics, especially with Boris Johnson around.
  64. I hate remakes. Vanilla Sky was the worst, but I won’t get started on that.
  65. I procrastinate. One day I’ll stop.
  66. I can’t get up in the morning, either.
  67. Pornographic cartoons are very, very wrong.
  68. I practise magic, particularly natural magic, mind magic and herbalism.
  69. Candles seem to breed in my bedroom.
  70. I used to play the flute. I tried to learn to play piano, but the teacher was a nasty evil sexless bitch.
  71. Every Boxing Day my 50-strong family hires out a church hall and everyone dresses up like an idiot.
  72. Every two years we descend on a youth hostel for a weekend and behave in much the same way, but worse. The youth hostel is in Beer, which probably explains a lot.
  73. I need to get it into my head that chocolate is still chocolate even when not eaten in the presence of other people.
  74. And that buying lettuce then throwing it out when it goes out of date does not make me any healthier or skinnier.
  75. I am an insomniac, which is why I’m not in bed right now. I love bed.
 
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