THE BEIGE PAGE
Hooray!!!!
Over 50 people have now visited the Beige Page
(Does it matter that I've visited it 45 times???)
For lovers of the colour with personality and to all things beige.
For those who have yet discovered the magic of beige.
So, crank up your favourite George Michael CD, relax in your beige laz-e-boy, put your feet up and enjoy your visit to the beige kingdom.
Salutations,the High Priestess of Beige.
My birthday is on April 3, so send me a beige birthday message on [email protected] or post a message on my message board.
The two ladies in the picture on the left are known around the Biege Kingdom for their dress sense, band chasing and general unruly behaviour.
The lady doing the spanking is the High Priestess' younger sister, while the lady on all fours was involved in a nasty BMX incident involving the High Priestess when the High Priestess was eight years old
If you happen upon them in the street, proceed with extreme caution. These two ladies are highly intelligent and potentially dangerous.
"The Police Academy movies are like porn movies but without the sex".
- Madame Spank
Which room in the Beige Castle would you like to visit??
The Beige Page Tribute to Eye Brow Actors
and why we in the Beige Kingdom love them
Click on the foxy chick to visit the exciting Shrine to Beckage.
Visit Madame Spank's website, and get the spanking that is long overdue.
The Beige Interesting Facts Page
You'll be astounded by some of the facts in here!
For an awe inspiring story, scroll down to Marooned. The story is of course copyright, so you will be in deep shit if you try and copy it.
The Beige Page Lunch Box
Click here and find out what Mum has packed for lunch today!
COMING SOON!!!!!
Effie's Photo Album
Find out where she has been and who she has seen. Maybe you've seen her!
Here's preview to wet your appetite!
PUBLIC NOTICES
It is advisable for the residents of the Beige Kingdom and those wishing to keep up with the latest goss straight from Beige Castle to regularly check the public notices. If you have anything that you want on the notice board, leave a message on the message board and the High Priestess will have someone deal it ASAP.
If you manage to find this website and you do not know me personally, please post a message.
If you do know me, don't give me shit. I'm new at this and I know a lot of big and burly men that could tenderise your rump steaks within a matter of seconds. That's a fact.
Are you unsure of who are even what you slept with last night? Are you too cheap and or embarassed to buy a pregnancy test. Want a clean and reliable way to find out if you are up the duff? Click on the pram belo and use the Online Pregnancy Test. Find out now!! Endorsed by the Beige Institute.
Meet "Bush Tucker Dog" Effie at the Beige Kingdom from July 7. Entry fee applies.
ATTENTION!!!
Bush Tucker Dog will be on hiatus for a little bit. To keep up to date with Effie the Bush Tucker Dogs activites, click on the picture of her to visit her photo album.
MAROONED!
On the television at the moment there is a barrage of documentary type programmes about groups of young spunky people being shipwrecked on a desert island. On the island they have to fend for themselves, back stab, whinge and eat raw pig. Talk about enthralling TV.
However, this TV concept is not as original as one may have thought, as the High Priestess of Beige was actually shipwrecked on a desert island with her family in the summer of 97/98.
The High Priestess has agreed to let her story to be told without any regard to any personal pain that she may exprience with all the memories that will undoubtedly flood back.
So, sit back and read this inspiring story of survival against the odds. Marooned! The Soundtrack featuring Bryan Adams will be available through Shithouse Records in December.
It was a glorious day when we embarked on a trip of a lifetime. On board the dinghy was the Skipper, known for the purposes of this story as Dad, Mother, Madame Spank, Psychic Fi, Bush Tucker Dog and the High Priestess of Beige.
All of a sudden a thunderstorm rolled in overhead. Three foot waves engulfed our poor defenceless little dinghy. Despite our efforts, we could not drink enough sea water and our dingy sank.
We lost everything, including our valuable collection of Sweet Valley High novels. It was devastating.
We swam for our lives, which was quite a struggle, as we were very water logged from trying to save our poor dinghy from sinking.
We seemed to float around at sea for an eternity when we eventually washed up on a beach of a desert island.
We were very lucky as there was plenty of wild life present on the island. The picture of the seal above became our first meal on our new home. The recipe for marinated seal will be available on the website asap.
After the meal, we wandered around the island looking for some shelter. We were all extremely tired, suffering from dry skin and coke withdrawl, so we decided to make a shelter ourselves (pictured right with Madame Spank, left, and Psychic Fi, right)
Everyday we waited and waited for help to arrive, but it was not to be. We quickly adapted to our new environment, as people from the Beige Kingdom often do. Within ten days of our arrival we managed to rid the island of the remaining seals, rare birds, savage kangaroos, koalas and fresh water.
On the eleventh day of our arrival we were saved when a catamaran full of park rangers turned up on our beach to investigate the fall in the seal population, among other things.
The eleven days marooned on the island taught each of us a lot about ourselves. We realised what was really important to us: football, meat pies, kangaroos and Holden cars. We learnt that you shouldn't try and spear a fish that is swimming around your feet. We also received a humanitarian award for finding a place to send the Olsen Twins.
EXCLUSIVE!!!
It's not often that the hard and loyal workers on the Beige Page get a break and get a red hot scoop. Well, this time we have hit the jackpot, and this time it is in really bad taste.
The Beige Page takes no responsibility for anything and anything written below is not factual (as far as we know).
Click on the plane to uncover the Exclusive Scoop !!