The Best of IM Conversations

For the past few years, I have kept in touch with friends using AIM (AOL Instant Messenger). Sometimes I couldn't help but save a quote or portion from my conversations with friends and here I share with you some of the best excerpts from those IMs. Most of them are either funny, stupid, scary, or disturbing so if you can't handle the stupidity, I suggest you press the "back" button on your browser. The following excerpts are from real conversations with my friends...you can't make this stuff up! Some excerpts have been edited for content (privacy purposes) but the rest of the conversation remains intact. All screen names have been changed to protect the innocent from being abused by their other friends. If you think an excerpt on here is from a conversation with you and you would like me to remove it, send me an e-mail. Or if for some odd reason you'd like to be identified by name (not screen name), e-mail me. Otherwise, happy reading!

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Friend5: i barely roled out of bed this morning
Me: well, i'm no genius but maybe it's that whole 3-4am routine that's causing that
Friend5: now thats just crazy talk
Me: yeah, what am i thinking?

Me: y the hell couldn't taylor look at our portfolios and sketchbooks today? i don't feel like driving in for just that
Friend5: cuz my sketch book isnt even close to done lol
Me: oh, it's all about u isn't it :-Dlol
Friend5: of course
Friend5: the universe revolves
Me: well, then we must be living in two different universes because i thought it revolved around me
Friend5: oh really?
Me: yeah, shouldn't it be revolving around me?
Friend5: nah
Me: well, it's gotta revolve around something and it can't only be u
Friend5: just me
Me: no no, i don't think so
Me: do u have sufficient info backing that statement?
Friend5: no just a feeling
Friend5: just like the feeling i made hell freeze over
Me: fair enough i suppose
Friend5: =P

Me: who's your icon?
Friend5: are you serious? its ryu from street fighter
Me: well, i never played any street fighter games
Me: i mainly stuck to mario bros. and zelda
Friend5: they have 2 anime movies and 2 anime series
Me: didn't know that
Me: told u i've only watched sailormoon and cardcaptors
Friend5: i know but everybody should know ryu
Me: well, now u know, not everybody does
Friend5: that just ruined my little world
Me: oh, i'm sooooo sorry :-P
Me: you gonna be ok? think u can get over this?
Friend5: i dont know

Friend5: unless you want to drive to jersey
Friend5: =)
Me: NO, NOT DRIVING TO NEW JERSEY!!!!:-D:-P
Me: lol, especially if ur on the road
Friend5: your no fun
Me: oh, sure i am
Friend5: what if i stay off the road will u? lol jk
Me: lol, well i'll feel a lot safer with one psycho off the road :-P
Friend5: that hurts:-[

Me: yeah, i don't get it, i think he's been sniffing those cans of fixer
Friend5: oh so what are you saying he would have to sniff fixer to think my drawings are good? lol jk
Me: lol, no, i'm just saying that he must have done that before i went in there, i mean, "fun?" what the hell is that?
Friend5: lol

Friend5: my friends are all losers like me so its not a problem
Me: oh, thanx, now i'm a loser :-D
Friend5: sure lol jk
Friend5: you are talking to me so by association..... lol
Me: lol, true
Me: so now that i'm an official loser, do i have to pay any dues?
Friend5: nah we are a non profit organization
Me: lol

Friend5: another icon?
Me: hello to u too
Me: yeah
Me: i get bored with the same ones all the time
Friend5: lol
Me: so i change them frequently

Me: well, see, with my best conversations, it's a tie between myself and the wall, because sometimes i feel like i'm talking to a wall with some people
Friend5: lol what about our convo last night?
Me: well, that was pretty good but it's really hard to beat that wall, sorry
Me: :-D
Friend5: damn
Me: yeah, i know, it's hard to compete with but u can still try if u want
Friend5: well i can ignore you and just not talk anymore
Me: no, don't do that
Me: i'm sorry, ur better than the wall, i swear
Friend5: oh now im better
Me: oh, u were always better, i was just trying to make u jealous
Friend5: lol
Me: forgive me?
Friend5: sure i guess
Me: :-)

Me: so where were u last night?
Friend5: no no where were you last night
Friend5: i was on at 12 ish and no one else was here
Me: sorry, but i was baking
Me: i'm all done now though
Friend5: its ok
Me: gee,[sarcasm] thanx for ur forgiveness[/sarcasm]
Friend5: you have been coding tonight haven't you?

Me: see? we italians like to eat! mangia!
Friend5: mangia?
Me: means eat! in italian
Friend5: oh
Me: yeah, 6 years of italian in school and that's probably the most i've walked out with
Me: well, that and "non lo so," my favorite phrase (means "i don't know")

Me: just don't call at like 2AM, ok?
Friend5: but 2 am is prime time for drunken phone calls to ppl lol jk
Me: lol

Friend5: yes when im drunk i get mind reading powers
Friend5: cant think of word to use cuz drunk
Friend5: telepathy
Me: lol
Friend5: couldnt remember how to spell it
Me: shit, now i gotta stop thinking...done
Friend5: your thinking about food
Me: i'm always thinking about food, but seriously, i wasn't thinking much about anything right now
Me: maybe ur sobering up
Me: better drink some more
Friend5: good idea

Me: well, this is a difficult situation...better drink on it:-P
Friend5: hell yeah
Friend5: there is an idea
Me: whenever in doubt, drink your way out
Friend5: i should consult you more often
Me: yeah but if i keep giving u this wonderful advice, i wanna get paid
Friend5: paid? your crazy
Friend5: i can get anyone to tell me to drink
Me: yeah but i think i give u extra support and it sounds more professional from me than from someone just telling u to drink
Friend5: if you say so the outcome is still the same

Me: damn, i wanna go out and play but no one lives near me...haven't been out on my sled in years
Friend5: lol
Friend5: come here
Me: that's always ur answer...come here, get drunk with me, watch anime...ur such a bad influence u know?:-P:-D
Friend5: we can get tanked and sled
Me: lol
Me: well, as tempting as that sounds, i can't drive off my street, plowed in

Me: yesterday morning and this morning the lots were a mess...no spots, all snow
Me: so i had a shovel in my trunk and started digging a spot out for myself
Friend5: lol
Me: i always knew the shovel would come in handy, whether using it to dig or just hit someone over the head with it, it's all good
Friend5: im gonna have to dig out my car sometime soon
Me: u know u should...i need a spot, u should move your car and let me have a spot...i'm a commuter, i need it more than u:-P
Friend5: nope
Me: f u :-P
Me: i need a parking spot damn it!!!:-P
Friend5: whats gotten into you? you sound like me with a little less cursing

Me: night night, sleep well
Friend5: i will end up staring at the ceilling till god knows waht time
Me: ceiling isn't so bad
Friend5: mine looks like a waffle
Me: mmm...waffles
Friend5: lol
Me: lol
Me: sorry, had to say it
Friend5: thats where i saw the leprachaun and he told me to burn things
Me: lol
Me: now ya know what u have to do?
Me: burn the house down
Me: burn'em all
Friend5: lol

Me: anyway, because i have nothing better to do with my life, i made another website
Friend5: what kind of website
Me: just a personal site with some personal crap
Me: it's in my profile
Me: well, i also need a place to put my buddy icons...i made 60 for The Simpsons two nights ago at around 2AM
Friend5: damn
Me: and i worked on some x-men ones that still need to go up
Me: _____, help me, i have too much time on my hands!
Friend5: um i dont know what to tell you
Friend5: take up drinking
Me: ur answer to everything

Me: oh yeah, my brother actually made himself useful and got a tv and dvd player for downstairs which means if u want next semester u can come over my house and hang out because we'll actually have something to do
Friend5: lol cool
Friend5: but i cant get tanked there and then drive home
Me: fine, i'll pick u up and drive u back:-P
Friend5: but if you come to my room we can do everything we can at your house but only with me drunk
Me: but then i can't get drunk
Me: see, either way i'm screwed
Friend5: sux to be you
Me: hey, don't u have like the whole summer to get drunk? u can't take one day out of ur week to stay sober during the semester?
Friend5: the whole day?
Me: fine, a few hours, happy?
Friend5: i guess but those are gonna be some shakey few hours
Me: aww, you'll get through them
Me: u could always drink at my house and when it's time to kick u out you can sleep in ur car...how 'bout that? jk
Friend5: nah thats ok

Friend5: nah just tired
Me: eh, me too...been swimming most of the day
Friend5: cool
Me: and watching my uncle blow up the street and light the forest on fire
Me: typical family
Friend5: sweet

Friend5: where are all the naked pictures and web cams and stuff of you?
Friend5: lol jk
Me: lol
Friend5: isnt that what making a web page is all about
Me: lmao, u r way too much
Friend5: what?
Me: those r porn pages, _______...u should know them well, lol jk
Me: ok then, i'll put up all the stuff i have of u...hehe
Friend5: what stuff of me
Me: haha, wouldn't u like to know
Me: i'm only joking u know
Friend5: did you drug me and take pics of me and thats y i dont remember you leaving that one night you came over
Me: oh shit, i thought you'd never figure it out, damn!
Friend5: lol
Me: lol
Me: u know, ur roomate was in on it
Friend5: yeah i thought he was a flamer
Me: lmao

Me: i volunteered to represent the club at some meeting too since i'm the one with the most free time
Friend5: fun
Me: oh yeah, camille knows how to have fun
Friend5: well remember you have to put up the porn site of us so you dont really have all that much free time
Friend5: lol
Me: lol
Me: yeah, well, i also have to maintain that porn site which means i need some new stuff so we'll have to get together on that one, jk
Friend5: sounds good just give me a date and time
Me: well, shouldn't we check in with ur roommate too, since , u know, he was part of the original plan and all?
Friend5: he will just want a cut of profits
Me: well, he did contribute a lot though, especially with those shots of u;-):-P
Friend5: thats just creepy please never say that again
Me: lol

Friend5: i only got 3 hours of sleep last night
Me: and y was that?
Friend5: plus i was drinking last night
Friend5: rum and cokes till 6am
Me: oh _____, i don't know how u do it
Friend5: me either
Me: i only had a pina colada last night when my dad decided to make them
Me: and i had two beers with my pizza tonight but that's the only alcohol i've had in a while
Friend5: i have a giant jug of rum in my closet
Me: well, that's convenient
Friend5: yup

Friend5: do you think a porn web site of myself would bring in enough traffic for me to retire on and never have to work again?
Me: i'm thinking no

Me: i finally got a chance to hang out with my best friend thursday so we went shopping
Friend5: what did you buy
Me: two tank tops...they were really cute so i got them...pajamas too
Friend5: what did you get me?
Me: hmmm...i wasn't going to mention it but i also picked up some cute undies...would you like a pair? jk:-P
Friend5: maybe you can just take a couple pictures of you in them then email me the pics
Me: sorry hun, that ain't happening:-P
Friend5: you're no fun

Me: hope they don't plan on making any movies or tv series at school this year cuz i'll just drive home if i can't find a spot
Friend5: but i love walking through shots and screwing up their work
Me: lol
Me: u should just explain that u make the shots better, it needs u
Friend5: i know this beautiful face of mine should be on camera at all times
Me: lol:-P
Me: hey, what about me?:-(
Friend5: maybe you can make a cameo
Me: it would only be the best cameo ever if i was in it
Friend5: but you wont take your clothes off
Me: u know, is there even one moment where ur not thinking about sex or porn?
Friend5: well i was about to say when i read but the main character in this book is a womanizer so i dont think so

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