Everything is a problem, it is just the way you look at it.
People are idiots
Stabbing someone is bloody brilliant, because a knife is straight to the point.
Money does not buy happiness, but it can buy the things that make you happy.
There is a solution to every problem, it just may not be the ideal one.
Your mom!
The system is flawed.
Don't worry, my keys are safe. I locked them in my car.
Nobody is evil, they just have non conforming ideas.
If you were hanging upside down, could you really pull your pants down?
If you call someone a butt-head and they sneeze, do you say bless you or excuse yourself?
There is a fine line between childhood and stupidity, some of us never grow up.
Why is abreviation such a long word?
You cannot be smart without stupid people.
You don't learn at school, you conform to the rest of society.
Humans are only afraid of questions which have probable outcomes.
You can go anywhere in life if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
You're just jealous because the voices chose me to talk to instead of you!
That's about as safe as juggling plutonium spheres while riding in a Pinto with Firestone tires down an icy hill with a gas tank full of nitro-glyceron heading straight through a game of lawn darts, all while explaining to your PMS girlfriend that you only slept with her last night because the secretary was on vacation.
Teachers are people who were failures as students.
Can the doctor really blame you if you forget to take your pills for short-term memory loss?
I never use abbr.
Wise advice from Pavel Krukov, "See, here's the problem with school now. You need to be good at math, because if Little Timmy shows up with an AK-47 that holds 30 rounds and he's already squeezed off 9 rounds and killed 3 people, and you are 10 feet away from the door, you need to be able to calculate the time it takes for you to get out that door... I was never good at math, so I started carrying guns of my own to school."Finally a practical use for mathematics.
More from Pavel,"I am not allowed to show up at the main gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, sloppily drunk.....Even if my C/O did it."
If you are chased by a bear, you don't have to outrun it, just the people you are with.
Life; the silent killer. (Not my life, yak yak yak yak...)
Optimists just aren't paying attention.
I don't make spelling mistakes, I just make screwed-up words.
Some of the most interesting conversations you have are with yourself. Especially when the voices in your head are ex-serial killers.
Life is for people that have not found a fun way to die yet.
School is just a game, some are just better players than others.
Stupid questions deserve stupid answers. All questions in my mind are stupid.
Maybe I just act stupid because I know something you don't.
Live every moment of your life to the max because you'll die. What?
A bit of a cliche, but still funny:
"Name:" Wow. This is a hard test!
Everybody is going to die, some people just have a head start.
Crankyarse Senior homes: We put the "ass" in "assisted living."
How to solve a Rubiks cube: "Directions: 1. Turn the top counter-frontwise." ... Where's the top?... Counter-what?... Screw it, I'm rearranging the stickers.
Sometimes the things that do not make sense make sense because they don't.
If 'pro' is good, and 'con' is bad, is 'pro'stitution better than a 'con'stitution?
Wow! It is like going on an adventure into your nose, you can pick anything you want.
"I think communism could work." "Yeah, if it wasn't for those damn commie's always on our backs."
I remember looking at options I could take in high-school. "Alright! Cosmotology! I love the big bang theory!"
Why do smart people seem so stupid?
I'm doing school work, I don't have time to think.
Who needs an education when you have money?
Humour is one of the promenant signs of genius.
Cpailen whail ez 4 peinzees.
My dad uses a strait edge.
There is a difference between talking to yourself and talking to nobody in particular.
On a swedish chainsaw: Do not stop chain with hands or genitals.
Why is the man that you trust your money with called a broker?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
I always lie.
I am not funny! The very thought of it makes me laugh.
When people are crazy, they say they are Jesus. When people think someone is crazy, they say they they are posessed by Satan. Another reason it is important to just be yourself, people will like you for who you are.
Comit suicide? Who would want to do that? Yikes! Something like that would truly be the death of me.
Don't force it, just use a bigger hammer!
Life is like smashing your head against a wall, it feels so good when it is over.
Engineers have answers to questions that nobody asked.
"And the engineers came and said:'We're gonna blow this bridge, do you need to cross?' And like an idiot, I said 'Yes.'"
"Sickness-the lack of ability to contort ones voice to provoke insanity." Taken from Plishenko's Gimplish Dictionary
School is just a measure of how efficient a machine you are, nothing to do with how intelligent a human you are.
Why ask questions when you don't even know the answers?
The greatest part is not the destination, but the journey it took to get there, unless it's to the hospital.
Maturity is overrated.
If commiting suicide is illegal, could you receive the death penalty for attempting it enough times?
If a tree falls in a forest and noone is around, does Greenpeace give a damn?
In Cold War Era America, Communists were often portrayed as crazies: "Communism would work if those darn pink bunny rabbits would stay out of my food processor!"
Is it coincidence that the mosquitos that suck your blood are female? (So I do not have an army of 3 billion angry women after me, yes, complete coincidence.)
Sometimes things that do not make sense make sense because they don't.
If people from Mars are called Martians, are people from Venus called Venetians?