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| Plishenko Voskov |
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| This section is where I put out a lot of funny stuff, or just a bit, depends how much I got. Well, my whole site is kinda funny, but I could not find anything else to call this section so give me a break. Got anything halarious, contact me at my e-mail. |
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| A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend last winter to thaw out. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years before. Because both had jobs, they found it difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So it was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. In his room there was a computer, so he decided to send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail, without realizing his error. In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The dearly departed was a minister who had been called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived You're probably surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. Sure is hot down here! Subject: Tide detergent! Dear Tide: I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it as the best. Now that I am in my sixties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the Detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people. |
| This is a true story from the WordPerfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired however, he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for Termination without Cause This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect. Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations) computer assistance 'may I help you?' 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. What sort of trouble? Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. Went away? They disappeared. Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now? Nothing. Nothing It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type. Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out? How do I tell? Can you see the C: prompt on the screen? What's a sea-prompt? Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen? There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type. Does your monitor have a power indicator? What's a monitor? It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on? I don't know. Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that? Yes, I think so. Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Yes, it is. When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? No. Well , there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. Okay, here it is. Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer. I can't reach. Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is? No. Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark. Dark? Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. Well, turn on the office light then. I can't. No? Why not? Because there's a power failure. A power....... a power failure?.... Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in? Well, yes, I keep them in the closet Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from. Really? Is it that bad? Yes, I'm afraid it is. Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them? Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer Fun With Anagrams Evangelist = Evil's Agent Heavy Rain? = Hire a Navy! David Letterman = Nerd Amid Late TV Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler Funeral = Real Fun Stupid guy = Study U Pig! Software = Swear Oft Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's Patrick Stewart = A Crap Trek Twist New York Times = Monkeys Write |