some "witty" quotes
I don't need to make jokes. People laugh at me anyway.
Hello. I am an Irish virus. Since we lack the technological advances of the rest of the world, i'm manual. Please delete all your files and forward me to all your friends. Thankyou.
If God had wanted people to give blowjobs, he wouldn't have given us teeth.
Join the army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, then kill them.
The quickest way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, but through his chest, with an axe.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat instead.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pitbull.
If rabbit's feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit?
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept those things i cannot change, the coarage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because they pissed me off.
Save a tree - Eat a beaver.
You cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they give in.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
I still miss my ex, but my aim is improving.
If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't return, hunt it down and kill it.
I have the heart of a child - i keep it in a jar on my desk.
You don't have to swin faster than the shark, just faster than the guy next to you.
Got a cat the other day. Had to swerve to get it, but I got it.