-if they want to loan you money, tell them you're broke and having to sell your house to live in a cardboard box and yeah, you could sure use some money.
-if they start with "how are you today?" say "i'm glad you asked, coz no-one nowadays seems to care and i have all these problems. my arthritis is playing up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
-if they say they're Joe Bloggs from XYZ company, ask them to spell their name. then their company name. then where it's located, how long its been in buisness, how long they've worked there, what bought them to work there, are they married, how many kids they have etc etc. ask personal and company questions for as long as neccesary.
-cry out in surprise "judy? is that you? oh my god! how've you been?" this will hopefully give judy a few moments of terror trying to figure out where she knows you from.
-say "no" over and over again. try and very the tone, and keep to a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. this is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
-if BT calls trying to sell you the family and friends plan, say in as sinister voice as you can "i dont have any friends. will you be my friend?"
-if the company cleans rugs, say "can you get out blood? what abuot goat blood? human blood?"
-ask the telemarketer to marry you. when they seem confused, tell them you cant give you personal details to a complete stranger.
-tell them you work for the same company, and they cant sell to employees.
-answer the phone. as soon as you realize it's a telemarketer, scream and say "oh my god!" and put the fone down.
-tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them for their home numberso you can ring them back later. when they exlain that they cant give out their home number, say "i guess you dont want to be bothered at home right?" when they agree, say "me neither!" and hang up.
-ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
-tell them it's dinner time, but ask if you can put them on hold. put the phone on speaker phone while continuing to eat at your own leisure, smacking you lips loudly.
-ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
-tell the telemarketer "Ok, i'll listen to you. but i should probably tell you, i'm not wearing any clothes."
-insist the caller is your buddy leon playing a joke. "Cut it out leon! i know its you! seriously mate, hows your mum?"
-tell them you're hard of hearing and they need to speak up... louder... louder...
-tell them to talk very slowly and spell everything out, because you want to write every word down.