by Jon Lewallen
He had red hair, most likely a wig, that went out to the sides in points. He wore a striped shirt buttoned all the way to the neck, on top of which he wore a sailor suit. He spoke.
�Thank you and hello. This is my first United States tour. I�m originally from the Netherlands � Rotterdam actually.� His accent was horrible, a kind of cross between Yakoff Smirnoff and Emo Phillips. That assumes it was fake, though, and at that point, I just didn�t know. Then the music started.
The saddest circus in the world couldn�t come up with music like this. And it was bad. He stood behind a large keyboard and a drum machine and accented his way through a 45 minute set, each song not entirely bad, but all of them absolutely awful in their sameness. There was a song called �Yeah, well, whatever,� and one called �Moody Bus Driver,� about how he would kick you off the bus if you didn�t sit down and be quiet. And when he wasn�t singing, he was grinning, mugging, making goofy faces for the crowd. This went on for the first twenty minutes of his set, at which point his moments of non-singing became marked by blank looks and tired eyes, as if he had grown weary of his own antics. The whole presentation left us with the impression of a sad clown in a sailor suit, who was probably making 10-15% of the door. Maybe it was a flat fee.
My inclination was to believe the whole thing was an act � the accent, the origins in Holland, the vague air of Wesley Willis-ness that hung in the air, all of it. I half expected him to start shouting �Fugazi! Fugazi! Fugazi! Fugazi!� then headbutting the jackass in the front. After he finished we took a look at one of his CDs at the merch table and found that it was, in fact, produced in the Netherlands, Rotterdam in fact. So his act was just being weird. Huh.
Fighting Spirit...p. 3
Neighborhood Watch...p. 3
Message from the President...FRONT
Pine Oaks Book Club...p. 2
Welcome Wagon...FRONT
This Month in Pine Oaks...FRONT
Young Person's Perspective...p. 4